[Krispy]

At what point do you just walk away? We have been dealing with the DHS branch here is Oregon for two years. Nothing they do makes sense and it seems like the rules change depending on who you talk to. We are so frustrated that today my husband and I were sitting there and asked how much more of this do we have to endure? We did respite care for a child for a year, then the worker placed him with total strangers. No feedback, nothing. Our hearts feel like they have been ripped out and my 10 year old said, "They told me I was going to be a great big brother, but they didn't give him to us." I feel like I've burdened my family, friends, and everyone around us.
At what point do you just say, "I'm happy with what I have?" It kills me because we just wanted to help a kid in need. I wasn't prepared for the red tape. How do you keep going when you feel discouraged?

[teachermomof3]

I don't have any answers, but I am so sorry for your family and your frustration. Look deep within your heart to decide how much you are willing to take because things will get better, but they will not get easier. I wish your family all the best.

[ladyjubilee]

Perhaps you could consider moving to a placement agency.

[momsphotoop]

We tried to convince ourselves for 3 years that one was enough for us and we should just be happy with the amazing child we have. But every once in a while I would feel like we weren't done. Now that baby J is in our lives I know for sure one child was not "enough" I know that sounds harsh, my son is an amazing and wonderful child but he is more complete as a person in his roll at big brother and we are more complete as parents and individuals. It is just something that feels right. We have added more love to our lives and there is nothing wrong with that!

[thelowlanders]

I"m here in Oregon too. It can definitely be trying so far. We've only been in this for a year. We are opening our home again this August to try again. It's been said time and time again that the CW you get makes a world of difference. We had one that is well known in our area for their bizarre agenda.

So we have our definite "no"s and are sticking to them, including not working with her, and we'll see how things go. A great way you could help, is become a CASA. That was our FD's only hope due to her CW. The CASA and her lawyer for the most part were the only ones ever considering her well being.

[Drywall]

Krispy...someone on here suggested for you to become a CASA. A CASA is a Court Appointed Special Advocate.

Their job is to review court cases and determine the wishes of the child. You will present the wishes of what the child wants to the court.

The course is approx 6 weeks. If you became a CASA you would have access to all the state laws and regulations in terms of Foster care and adoptions etc.

Most counties fund the course so that there is almost no expense to the students. For more information, call the court clerk close to where you are and ask about any CASA programs in your area.

I wish you the best.

[MilehighDad]

Krispy,
I'm really sorry that you've had such a rough ride. We've had ups and downs with kids that did get placed with us and kids that didn't. Fortunately, we had enough ups to keep us going and coming back for more. But, the system everywhere is badly broken and we've been abused by it in many ways.

I know it really doesn't help to know that other people have had a rough time, too. But maybe what will help is for me, someone who's been through it, to say: what you are doing is worth it. Yes, your hearts were broken and your son went through a serious loss. It's worth it because you will change the life of the child who is placed with you. You will change your son's life by showing him your compassion for a new child in the family and by letting him be a big brother. You will change your life by living and doing what you believe in, even though it is hard. And, a few years from now, you will be able to look back and see it as a difficult journey to a place you wanted to be.

I'm really sorry you've been waiting for two years, that is really hard on your family.

[Krispy]

Thank you all for you kind and loving words. We had a very intense talk with our cw and told her just what I felt about the system. I was very blunt and do not regret anything said. The system is so badly broken that not only have some of the children come from abusive situations, but now they are abused by a system who cares more about procedure than the kids they claim they are serving. I don't think my worker was ready for me to bust open, but she agreed and reminded me it is all we have.
We are going to update our homestudy and wait. This time, I'm going to do it differently. I'm not going to say anything to my son, family, or friends until it's for sure. I'm also going to keep better notes on my discussions with the workers, and I'm going to raise my voice about how to change the system by becoming a CASA.
I am motivated and ready to go through this again.
L

[thelowlanders]

Yay! Good to hear of 1 more CASA. Thank you

[Krispy]

We have been chosen to go to committee again for a 3 year old little boy. Plus, we got an office we have been wanting to work with to look more closely at our study. I feel really good about all of this. However, I did find working through a Heart Gallery was what saved us as a family. We found our local workers didn't care about getting us a child to adopt as making us a foster parent. I'm really glad we put our foot down and said, we want to adopt at this time. I'll see become a CASA. I love what they stand for.

[Whakamole]

Wow, what a struggle. My family has only just started the foster training program here in Oregon to adopt from state care. When I first called the state for information I was encouraged to go through one of the private agencies because: "our social workers are overwhelmed and you tend to get lost in the work load."

Anyway.. I just wanted to say hang in there! If you have hung in there this long then you are exactly what that special child needs. I grew up with foster care (not "in" but as the biological child of the foster parents) and have seen first hand what these kids suffer. I have seen some kids overcome such horrible starts in life to become amazing people because someone was there for them. As broken as the system now seems we have made such amazing improvements! I can remember children going back with parents who show up visably intoxicated (This I could tell at five!) and one child who died a few months after leaving us. My parents could no longer find the strength to foster children after this but the experiances gave me a deep compasion for mistreated children and an overwhelming desire to help in some way. I know you feel it, these kids (or kid) need you...

THANK YOU for finding your way to help and maybe I will come accross you in my journey too.

[thelowlanders]

Hello fellow Oregonians. Just dropping by to see how things are going.