[Krispy]

Our adoption worker from DHS is begging us to do Foster/Adoption here in Oregon. Here are our concerns: How do you deal with the kids going to family, how do you explain to your friends and your own children? We are open, but we are just a little scared of getting our heart broken.
If you have experiences you would like to share, we would love to hear about it. I just don't want to go down a path which we may not be ready to go down.

[CaddoRose]

We are foster/adopt and are in the process of adopting our second placement who will be 2 in July. We absolutely love fostering. We are providing a stable, loving home for a child while they need one. This might be the only time they ever get to see how a "normal" family functions. All of our fosters have been delayed due to neglect and we were able to help them grow tremendously during their time here. We have been able to see a child walk, talk or simply use a spoon when they couldn't when they came here.

It can be trying to see them go. Some go to good places and others don't. Some will come back into care. You do get attached and want to know how they are doing long after they have gone. We have had 5 foster children in less than a year. I would have kept all of them, and we are getting to keep one.

[Kitty-Kat]

This is my first post so forgive me I am a little nervous haha. We have been foster/adopt parents for 1 year 6 months. After we received our license we got a call for a 5 year old boy! We just adopted him May 20th We currently have a 10 month baby girl that we have had since she was 3 months old. Unfortunately parents have FINALLY decided (after 10 months) to step up and do what they need to in order to get her back. So now it looks like she is going to be sent back if the parents continue to do good. I am sooooo depressed and am having such a difficult time wrapping my head around the fact that I may loose her!!! I know that we signed up for this with eyes wide open, however it doesn't make it any easier.

[Krispy]

Are either of you stay at home parents? We cannot provide this. We both have positions which make it very difficult to leave. Maybe this has what has stopped me from Foster Care. I just don't know how the day care would work.

[CaddoRose]

Right now, I'm am a SAHM, but if I get hired full time to teach at the university, then I won't be.(I'm an adjunct)There are so many foster parents who work full time and also some single foster parents as well on the forums.

[Withay]

Krispy - Don't let work stop you from foster/adopt. The State of Oregon does allow foster parents to work. After all, you need to show that you can pay all your bills without the monthly stipend.

As far as daycare goes, ask your certifier for a list of approved daycare facilities in your area. Another option is to have someone you would like to use as a private daycare provider (say a friend) have a criminal background check.

Something I always keep in mind is that everyone else will react to the children coming and going in very much the same way that you do. They will take their leads from you. Explain to your children that xxx is going to live with you right now because they can't live with their mommy and daddy at this time.

Good luck.

[dachshunds4you]

We love what we do! We've been fost/adopt for a little over 3 years. We have number 9 placement with us right now. We adopted our 4th placement. We went into saying whoever has family who is able to take them, then that is where they belong. But for the child who has no one that steps up to the plate, that's the one we'll keep. That's exactly has it has been.

Believe me, it's not easy when they go, but it does get easier with each placement. You have to continue to tell yourself this child will go back with family...since that is always the goal.

With our ad, who is 2 1/2, we tell her so and so is going to go back with her mommy and daddy. We continue to tell her leading up to the time when the child leaves. We also reinforce to her, that she is staying right here with her mommy and daddy. That way she doesn't think she's going too. She's really sweet, she'll ask about where did baby M go. I ask her, where did she go? She says baby M went with her mommy and daddy. She may not understand completely, but she will as she gets older.

[Krispy]

That's interesting about the day care. We were told we would have to pay the amount. This ranges from $800 a month and up. I'm willing to open our home, but not have it take almost a week of pay for day care. The FC payment is under $400 a month.
You all have been very helpful. Do any of you have older children who get jealous about the FC kids? FC isn't something we really thought of. We were told you either adopt, or do foster not do foster with the thought of adopting the kids. We just need to change our entire way of thinking.
I guess I just don't know if I can do it. I want to be a mommy again so badly and when I think the kids will go home to sometimes not ideal situations, I think it would tear me up. How do you deal with it?

[ScrapMonkey]

Another solution is to consider school aged children, many working parents do that.

We had two foster kids in daycare without assistance and then got a call for a newborn sib of the child we were adopting. I had three in daycare for a while and quit my job, financially it was a ridiculous choice to keep working.

Keep in mind, if you got a call for a newborn, most places don't accept babies under 6 weeks. Be sure you qualify for FMLA, it does cover leave for the placement of a foster child.

You might also have visits with the family, appointments, therapy, etc. depending on a child's needs, caseworkers in your home... it's a lot to consider. And in the end, the child may go home in spite of it all.

Now we have a 7 month old princess I brought home as a newborn from the hospital... nothing from the bios for over three months and it gave us such hope to adopt her, she's the PERFECT baby! Now the bios are pulling it together and will probably get her back. We are so sad, especially after we come home from weekly visits with her parents. I am so moody and often leave the kids with dad and go shopping by myself to just be alone for a while. We adore this baby girl but the truth is, she's not mine. None of them are mine until TPR but it's my duty, my obligation, to love them like they are mine until the day they're not.

Good luck with your decision and research. Foster/adopt made me a mother, made us a family.