[stilldeciding]

We were licensed back in November and have had many calls for boys..but we told them we are looking for a girl ages 0-7. Do any of you have experience on how long it took for you to get a foster to adopt or adoptive placement for a girl? We already have 2 bio boys that is why we want our 3rd to be a girl. I know it can take longer of coarse..but because of my age and DH's age...we are giving things about a year and then re-visiting the idea of another biological child..which we still can have..but we just really want to adopt. We are not sure if our agency is doing all they can or not or because we are stuck in our home state only...we wonder if we shouldn't just switch to another agency that does the whole U.S? Any thoughts or stories to tell?

[anilorak13ska]

Other than bio, you do have a couple other options, depending on your situation. Depending on your budget and state law, you could try independent adoption. You have less control over the child's sex, but more so than giving it a bio go - often pregnant women know the sex when they seek out adoption. I won't recommend private agency domestic adoption unless independent adoption is illegal in your state bc their fees are frequently outrageous but you're no more likely to be matched with a child. Try googling "available adoption situations" to find listings of either agencies, facilitators, or birthmoms looking to place their child. Also, try joining a yahoo group for available adoption situations. Of course, if budget allows, there's international adoption, which would guarantee the sex of the child, but the wait time has been increasing so you might as well wait it out with your local DCS.

Have you visited photolistings like adoptuskids.com to search for a child that meets your criteria? Google adoption photolistings to get more listings - states and even counties have separate listings not found on adoptuskids.com. If you're interested, send me an email and I can forward you a massive list of photolistings. Another thing you don't mention is if you're open to race. That may also speed things up for you, either with your local DCS or the photolistings.

Good luck to you!

[stilldeciding]

We are trying hard to stick as close to our race as possible and we have been offered some kids who don't meet our criteria for various reasons. I know DH and I have two very active boys...so we also need to be matched with a child who is able to keep up physically. We have put in for multiple kids in Ohio and PA..but are limited to those 2 states with our adoption agency.
We also thought about international....but due to costs and our country of choice, Guatemala....being closed..that avenue is out for now. Domestic is out too, as DH feels if we can't find a child through foster care he just wants us to get pregnant instead..as we have few more years to have a bio child due to my health and age.
So we are going to keep searching till our home study expires in November/December then we might just call it quits. I think for me at this point, though it would be great to have a girl...its fine if GOD calls us to a boy or even if we had a boy. Just with adoption, DH and I feel like adoption gives us the opportunity to find a girl if its meant to be.
But ironically we found a boy we just fell in love with and against our previous thought..we put in for him and hoped for the best. Now, it seems they have stopped his adoption proceedings for now for an unknown reason..so he may be out...and that was a big let down. But then again..right now...whatever God wants for us...we will do. Thanks!

[Krispy]

Start looking to see if your state has a heart gallery. We have been working with one here is Oregon and I swear by them. Don't settle for something you don't want. There are so many kids who need really good homes, you just need to start marketing yourselves. Just like you would if you were in business.

[stilldeciding]

Thanks! I DO look at our heart galleries for our state..but its pretty much limited. I know our homestudy has been sent out many times...so DH and I believe IF we are meant to adopt it will happen. Otherwise we will have to look at the bio route..as a possibility..but we really want to adopt so we are hoping we will soon get the call for the "one."

[sugarandspice697]

Actually, you CAN have a biological child AND choose their gender. The proceedure is called Microsort and since your married with two boys you whould qualify for the program. Basically they "sort" out your husband's sperm so the can fertilize your egg with sperms that carry the X chromosome you need to have a girl. The only pitfall is that it not 100% accurate. You would only have a 92% chance of having a girl.
Another proceedure that is more accurate (and also more expensive) is PGD. Basically, the process is the exact same as IVF except they look at your embryos chromosomes and only implant the ones that carry the XX chromosome (the genes needed to carry a girl). The process is 99% accurate if your trying for a boy or girl.
You can PM me if you want more info on both of these options.

[stilldeciding]

Actually in my case...we can't do sex selection! My DH is medically sterile so literally he has basically none to begin with, so what little he has would not be ENOUGH to do that procedure. We, ironically by the grace of God got pregnant on our own after 3 years of infertility and multiple treatments. With our 2 boys and my DH too...they are very passive, sweet, nurturing, like to be in the kitchen, talkative, non-sport watching men (though I do make them take karate..my idea, though more because I wanted to take it too...LOL). For our family it will be really hard to find any boy who would fit in with the type of guys I live with unless that child was very young. Which is why we focus on trying to find a girl. That said, if I were to get pregnant..I would be thrilled with a daughter..but honestly I would be even more thrilled with another son....as literally the kind of men I live with would be ANY woman's dream! But thanks for the information though....I know for us with the bio route...if we would end up down that road..we would be happy with whatever gender we got....as if DH could get me pregnant again after a decade with his NO sperm count practically it would be miracle number 3. Though we have not ttc ever after DS 2 due to my health. But if we can't find a match, then we may be rolling the dice once more despite my age. And NOW today for the first time during any of my pregnancies, I will be deemed high-risk...which will take some time to get used to being in that category. YIKES..it hurts to get older!

[ScrapMonkey]

The "pickier" you are, the longer you'll wait. We were told in our classes that girls are more desirable than boys and it's been our experience to ONLY get boys in the last 3 years... until we had someone offer to call our placement team and request a girl for us. We got a call within two weeks for a newborn who is still with us at 7 months. We have our first baby girl and it looks like she'll go home. Now that we have our two boys adopted, we've decided to only take girls, partly because we'd love to adopt a little girl to complete our family if the situation happened and partly so our two boys have their own secured sense of self in our family. They are siblings, they're a pair.

Keep at it. Call often. Stick to your guns if you only want girls. It'll be so worth the wait!