Adoption Forums®

Members List Photos Events Local Adoption Support Search Arcade Reviews Membership Upgrade
Welcome to the Forums.
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts.
Forum Categories

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-21-2008, 11:48 AM
hopefull3 hopefull3 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 10
Total Points: 6,735.79
Donate
adopting older kids w/ biological children in the house - questions

We are moving ahead w/ the adoption process for a sibling group of 3. I am wondering about a lot of the little things at the moment. I have baby photos of my bio. kids hanging up in the house and also other momentos (we made footprints when they were infants, they have baby books, etc.). How have people handled these things when there are no baby photos or information to fill out a baby book for the adopted children? Is it right to take down/ put away these items? I feel like that may not be fair to my bio. children? I was thinking of doing something else that is special for the adopted kids and obviously hanging up plenty of photos for them too. Is this enough? I'm not sure what is really appropriate or fair to everyone in this situation. Kind of a silly thing to worry about, but it has been on my mind.
Reply With Quote
Adoption Information
Become an adoption forums premium member to enjoy these Membership Benefits:
  • Remove Advertising
  • Unlimited Arcade
  • Unlimited Attachments
  • Increased PM Storage
  • Calendar Posting
  • Larger Avatars
  • Personal Page
  • Just $19.95 / yr!
Adoption Confererence
Click here to visit Adoptive Parents Committee
Adoptive Parents Committee 33rd Annual Adoption Conference: Sunday, Nov. 24, 2013 St. Francis College, Brooklyn, NY 75 Workshops/50 Exhibitors/Bookstore Register Online or call (212)304-8497
Adoptive Parents Committee
(212) 304-8479  

  #2  
Old 08-23-2008, 06:12 AM
Hadley2 Hadley2 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,952
Total Points: 89,193.54
Donate
I guess I'm not that sentimental or have an aversion to extra knick-knacks to clean around. I don't display out of date personal portraits, just family events (wedding) and current portraits. Big sis (bio) does have many pix in her room, including one of herself and dd2 in a sisters frame but she has another with all three. We do have an out-of-date family photo waiting for dd3 to be included for an update. She is older and having this done will be a part of the adoption for her that she is looking forward to. The handprint casts and prints of preschool and other preK and K paraphernalia went into the kids' memory boxes around 1st grade, so those aren't out, either.

I'm pretty sure at the time that I transitioned these decorative objects out gradually.

I'd guess it also depends on the ages of the newcomers. If they are not all that old (under 5), you may be surprised by how new mementos of them slide into the mix--you could even deliberately make some, as a statement of sorts. Regardless of age, you will probably be surprised at how fast mementos of them will overtake the end tables, piano top, stairwell and hall. If you are inclined to have lots of this stuff around, I suspect it will very soon be a mish-mosh of everybody.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-23-2008, 12:05 PM
RobinKay's Avatar
RobinKay RobinKay is offline
3sonsmom
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,461
Total Points: 43,745.90
Donate
You are so thoughtful to be aware of this. I agree, it may be hurtful to your adopted child.

We have all our son's pictures in one place-the hallway going up the stairs. We quickly made a place for ds #3, blew up the few baby pics we had and his area looks just like his older brothers'.

Try to get as much of the child's property as possible--I had to make a bit of a fuss to get ds's kindergarten report card, the first tooth he lost, etc. back from foster parents. It's worth it-these things belong to him. Try getting baby pics from the bios, biograndma may be a good source. I made copies of pics that my MIL had (ours was a relative adoption).

Good luck--sounds like this is going to be a wonderful family for this child!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-23-2008, 04:08 PM
dakotabluebaby's Avatar
dakotabluebaby dakotabluebaby is offline
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 115
Total Points: 12,162.29
Donate
Well, first it sounds like from your other post that they are pretty young. I would get as many momentos as you can of them, it may not be that hard to add them to everything.

I do not have a baby book, my sister does...my mother left when I was only a few months old and I have no idea what my first word was, when I took my first steps, what foods I like, anything.
It hurts me even now.

My father remarried when I was five, She was not a very good mother, Her idea of making up for it was to give me an empty babybook when i turned 14.

that being said. It would have made a world of difference for me if She had made effort to record some of our moments. Like this was the first time we all went to the beach, this is when you tried crab, We found out your favorite color was blue.

It may seem silly but, for me at least, the baby book signifies that someone cared to record those moments, what ever moments they maybe. You cannot undo what you did for your other children, nor should you, just try to do your best to do what you can for your children that you get.

Make foot prints, make hand scuptors, make a scrap book, baby book. Anything to show you care. It doesn't matter that the ages are different.

It may not seem like all the little things matters now, but it will.

Thank you so much for caring and being a good mother.
__________________
Bio DS 10/09
Bio DS 2/11
Bio ? 2/13

Hoping to adopt....

Last edited by dakotabluebaby : 08-23-2008 at 04:11 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-23-2008, 04:30 PM
CaddoRose's Avatar
CaddoRose CaddoRose is offline
Community Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,553
Total Points: 206,920.37
Donate
I wouldn't take down anything that was already up. I would celebrate the entry of the new children into the family by having new pictures of them made and added to the wall and also do a family pic. Pictures show the history of a family and the changes that occur over time. You can do everything you can to get pics of the kids before they came home and if you do, put those up. I would also start a "baby" book if you have those for your other children.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-23-2008, 05:12 PM
jbee's Avatar
jbee jbee is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 500
Total Points: 12,291.38
Donate
i feel bad, lol. our son dosen't have a baby book, but it isn't because he is adopted, it is because he is the third kid. our first has lots of stuff, second has a half filled out baby book, ds has some notes on a calendar somewhere.
has anyone seen that episode of roseanne where dj asks where his baby book is, and roseanne ends up sticking a tic tac in it and telling him it is his first tooth?
it is nice of you to think of these things, though, i am sure your new kids will appreciate anything you do
__________________
3 of our own, also current placements fsons 15,15
former placements:
f brothers 7,8,10
fd 15
fd 18
fs 18
fs 16
fs 18
fs 15
fs 11
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-25-2008, 06:29 AM
hopefull3 hopefull3 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 10
Total Points: 6,735.79
Donate
Thanks everyone for your responses. Its nice to see how others have handled things.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 09-15-2008, 09:34 AM
GAMOM75's Avatar
GAMOM75 GAMOM75 is offline
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 115
Total Points: 16,271.01
Donate
Exact Question

I asked this exact question during IMPACT/MAPP training and was told you can deny one in order to accept one.

I would think that taking the pictures already up down would send a negative message to your bio child. I have a bio child now and we are in the adoption process. I don't have to many baby photos of her posted around the house, but she does have a very detailed baby book. I think I will try to get everything I can from the current foster parents and just take tons of photos from the moment they arrive.

I don't have any baby photos of myself since we just did not take any I guess. My husband had his baby photos lost in a fire when he was little. Yes, we are both very curious to see these, but it never bothered me that my brother had baby photos. Maybe because my mom explained to me why I did not have any and she seemed sincere so I understood.
__________________
Our Adoption Journey...

Married 11/96
BD 3/97
11/30/07- Decide to adopt,attended orientation 12/08
8/10/09- Matched with 2yr old "Running Man"
9/09-Placement Goal:Adoption
4/10- "Running Man" home forever
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 09-27-2008, 08:14 AM
mk317 mk317 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 25
Total Points: 14,199.62
Donate
I was just thingink of this last night! We were just chosen to be the parents of a 3 1/2 yr-old little boy and our bio girls are 6 and 10, so we have pictures of them everywhere! I was shocked to recieve the start of a Life Book for our little guy this week. It has baby pictures and everything in it. OUr plan is too just take a new family picute soon after he is settled in and start making memories with him to fill the house with! =0)
Reply With Quote
Reply

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Points Per Thread View: 1.00
Points Per Thread: 15.00
Points Per Reply: 5.00


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:55 PM.