[riverview]

Ok, we have 3 adopted children: 2. 3. and 9. The teen located is in Washington state, 4 years in system, social worker says nice sweet girl. Anyone with help in deciding? Any questions I should be asking them? Any input would help . thanks so much!

[meshsgrl]

Dont have any advice for you.... I am thinking about adopting a 10 yr old girl.... 1 1/2 yrs in the system.
I will talk to her fmom, therapist and SW before making any decisions. Its so hard, because older kids have so many issues but they have the greatest needs!!!

[4kids4me]

You need to find out more about the childs history.We adopted our daughter threw social services and they kept alot from us she was 11 when we adopted her and got put in fostercare at age 8 and was in 10 fosterhomes before we got her at 9.and she has been in counsling this whole time and SS neglicted to tell us that she was a RAD child until recently.she is now 13 has been arrested and do to the counslers recomentation we placed her in a treatment center a month ago to get her help but things have gotten worse now she is on drugs,drinking and is now cutting her self..

[aMarylandfamily]

I couldn't begin to list them all here - you will need to know when and why placed in care, what emotional help (therapy) she has received to date to assist with resolution of the emotions/feelings regarding same, what if any behavior issues she exhibits, has she been abused (physical, emotional and/or sexual), grades in school, medications (why prescribed especially!) and more before making this decision. She may be sweet and have small issues but you need to determine if those issues are compatible with the other family members, the effect of any issues on them and whether or not your family make-up will allow you to meet the needs of all 4 children - individually as well as as a group!

Please take the time to visit the Special Needs and Older Child Forums - don't let them scare you away (remember that most who aren't having issues don't post so often it seems all negative but it is not - there are rewards - you just have to be committed and willing to take on what you agree to) but read for information on questions to consider and some of the experiences. After placement you may have many questions and the posters there are a great resource for knowledge, advice and support!

[dakotabluebaby]

Another thing to consider is that you would be disrupting birth order. This may be very hard on your 9 yr old. Just food for thought.

[lucyjoy]

Here's what I'd ask:

1. Why did she enter care and when? Was it the first time?

2. How many times has she moved?

3. What type of placement is she in? Fhome? theraputic fhome? Group home? depending on the answer, more questions may be needed.

4. Why isn't foster mom adopting?

5. Does the child wish to be adopted(some don't at this age)

6. Has the child been evaluated for mental health needs? Does she see a therapist?

7. Are you able to talk to current fmom? Previous ones? If not, why? (If so, do)

8 Any behavior issues observed by anyone?

9. How does she feel about younger children?

10. Any history of sexual abuse or sexual acting out?

That's all I can think of at the moment