[shellybell819]

its been awhile since i have written, but i could use some help our two boys who we had for about 6 months, were sent back to their birth mother in march-it was a very difficult transition. This was our first placement and we were told at the time of placement that there was no way the boys would return home-unfortunately for us it didn't work out that way. anyway my husband and i definately still want to adopt but we are uncertain now as to how to go about it. our hearts broke when we lost our two boys and i don't know if we can handle a foster adopt situation again. we have our adoption homestudy done through the state, however its like pulling teeth to get anything done. After a year of waiting for paperwork to be cleared we FINALLY got an adoption worker last month, but we have yet to have a meeting in person with her to discuss moving foreward. anyway i guess my question is, would we have better luck going through a private agency? i know its more expensive but is the process smoother? i guess i am tired of feeling lost and like the state is not really interested in helping us. anyway-if anyone has any input on our situation i would appreciate it, we are pretty dicouraged at this point.

[Daisy1339]

Hi, Shelly,

I'm so sorry what happened to you and your husband. We had a similar situation with our first, and only, placement last September. We had him for 3 weeks and then a maternal aunt claimed him. They didn't tell us that he would definately be adoptable, but we still feel we were taken advantage of in other ways.

That situation, along with two subsequent placement calls that we did not take, caused us to close our home in January. I was fed up!

Now that I've calmed down a bit, we are looking to re open our home. A friend told me about an agency in our state (NJ) that is like an advocacy for resource parents. It's free to licensed foster homes. Does your state offer something like that? I guess if you're done with the state you don't need to look into it, but I thought I'd mention it.

Anyway, we were looking into private adoption. We cannot afford it, but it would definately go much smoother. I say, if you can afford it, go private. Especially if you are looking for an infant or toddler. The difference is, you are their client and you are paying them for a service. You can be more demanding and actually have a leg to stand on, where with the state you're their employee as a foster home.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

edited to add: some adoption agencies offer their fee's on a sliding scale. we found one, but still can't afford it, if you want you can email or pm me and i'll tell you more about it.

[In_limbo_for_now]

Some states will allow you to limit the children you are willing to foster. You may be able to say that you only want original court wards or children whose parental rights have been treminated. This way there is a much smaller chance that the children will taken from you and placed elsewhere.