[Kaleb31]

My cousin's little girl is in forster care as of now. The court is trying to reunify them. I am in another state and wish to adopt the little girl if the reunification fails. I have contacted the social worker and shared my wishes with her. I do not know what to expect from here on, last I heard from the social worker, my cousin had only attended one parenting class. How long are parents given to prove themselves? How often should I contact the social worker? Do I need to speak with an attorney now? Also does my cousin have to know it is me adopting her daughter? As you can see I have alot of questions and have read all the books the library has however, they are "book case" scenerios and really did not answer all of my questions. So if any of you have suggestions, comments, advise or anything else I would appreciate it. Thanks for your time.

[kennasmom]

Hi. I am in California so things may be different where you are. You should send a letter to the SW and her supervisor stating your wishes to fost/adopt and start getting certified in your state IMMEDIATELY. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for you to adopt the baby because the foster family will have forged a bond with the child that will trump your blood relationship. Plus, it's not fair to the foster family to let them foster her until the adoption plan is in place. If you are serious you have to be proactive. You will also have to show that you can comply with any vistation orders. That may be tough - I don't know how far you are. Hope this helps, T

[Kaleb31]

Thanks so much for the info. However I live 5 and a half states away and it takes me 22 hours to get to my home town, which is where all of this is taking place. So I do not foresee being able to comply with any visitations. So I do not know what to do, should I still write the letter? Also about being Fost/Adopt certified do I have to in order to adopt a family member? Thanks again!

[DCMomLady]

If your experience is like ours, you can expect a minimum of 12 months for her to get her act together before they begin the TPR hearings. You will want to get the little girl placed in kinship foster care with you through an interstate child placement contract as soon as possible. Kennasmom is right about the risks of letting her remain in any other foster home for very long. The problem will be with visitation. Our ICPC was approved because my niece was willing to move back to our state and the supervised visits could take place here without any inconvenience.

(I volunteered to move temporarily to her state, if it was necessary. Thank goodness it wasn't. We did make the 2,000 mile roundtrip every weekend for two months so we could have visitation with the baby.)

I don't see how you will be able to hide her placement with you from your cousin, but it might be easier to accomplish if she does know and approves of you being the foster home. She may be reassured to know her daughter will be with family instead of bonding with "strangers" and she can be the one to ask that the child come to you.

As I did in my own case, I sincerely hope that your cousin gets the wake-up call and makes the changes she'll have to make to be reunited with her daughter. It broke my heart when we had to accept that my niece was never going to do what they asked of her.

And now we are the proud parents of the best little girl in the world and my niece ... visits now and then, but less and less as time goes by.

Good luck, Kaleb31. You're heading down a road full of obstacles but the destination is well worth the trip.

[DCMomLady]

Sorry, Kaleb. I was writing as you posted.

We did not have to be foster parent certified to become the kinship placement, but we were thoroughly investigated and home-studied by two states. Our state's application alone was 13 pages of essay questions, plus the usual background information. Under the ICPC, you will be closely supervised by a local caseworker and each of you will make frequent reports to the originating state. You will probably not be required to attend your cousin's progress or termination hearings, but we did.

Oh, yes. We also hired a lawyer to represent the baby, not us. Our lawyer was then confirmed by the court as the Guardian ad Litum. It was his job to represent the best interests of the child; and, when it was time, he handled our adoption, too.

[Kaleb31]

Thank you so much DC Momlady I appreciate your information. It is strange how God moves in our lives, my mom called tonight after I had read your response to tell me that my cousin had visited with my grandmother today. During the visit my grandmother told her that if I were (me) there I would have taken the baby, my cousins response was totally unexpected to me, she wished I was there. So maybe this is God's way of prompting me along with the encouragement I am getting from Kennasmom and you. I appreciate the time both of you have given me, now I feel as if I have some solid ground to base my decisions on.