[PSunshine91]

We were just wondering how much right do foster parents have over family on adoption. A little background might help on this answer. OK.. my nephew was taken into state custody last May,he has been with the fosters since. We filled the app out for guardianship and started classes in Jan 05. Well my sister and the babies dad lost parental rights so now he's up for adoption and we did all of that stuff (app,home visits, and the like)We have been approved as a foster home. Now we are waiting to hear from DHS on their decision on where to place my nephew. Either way the decision goes it will end up in court because fosters are going to fight us.DHS never placed the baby with us,WHY? Well noone seems to have an answer for this. I am very angry with the way DHS has handled this case. Has anyone had to deal with something similar to this? Any info would be greatly appreciated. Thank You for letting me speak and thanks to anyone who takes the time to answer.

[kikibrando]

I don't know much about this type of case, but usually relative placements are considered prior to foster parent adoption. It's not only standard practice, it's the law. Please review Adoption and Safe Families Act. You may also to hire an attorney to represent you and your nephew. If your background checks are completed and your an approved foster home, you should be given a hearing.

[mommy-of-three]

I don't know a whole lot about kinship placement, I am a foster parent myself. Although, I know in our case since our fs aunt did not come forward when he was taken away they would not let her take him from us after he had been with us for a couple of months. They stated that if she wanted him she shouldv'e came forward when he was taken away. They told her that he had formed a bond with us and that they were not willing to break that bond. We now have had him for 18 months and they just terminated mothers rights and we are going for adoption. Even though his aunt wants him they told her no.

[rindava]

an emergency homestudy of you and not make you take the foster parenting classes in most places....just see that you were fit, they may not have given you the board rate yet until foster parent classes were finished, that really depends on agency and state....they are always supposed to place children first with relatives if their are any willing and able to care for the children...

I don't know about OK, but in Va you'd have a lot of room and would probably win, in Missouri, where my son is from you'd only have a chance if the state didn't notify you correctly when the child was taken into custody....foster parents get placement over bio-relatives their because bio-relatives get plenty of chances to take the children before TPR ever happens

[PSunshine91]

Well we found out yesterday that DHS ruled in our favor of adopting my nephew,but as far as we all know fosters are still going to object to the motion of removal,which of course means it will take longer to get him in our home. I'm still very upset with the fosters for fighting against the family. All I can hope for now is that the Judge will also rule in our favor. Can the fosters object again if they don't like the judges decision? I hope not....well thanx again for letting me talk.

[lambeausam]

Congratulations!

Sam

[PSunshine91]

Well I must say that now after everything we have been through My opinion still stays the same....that this legal system sucks and is not just......the judge ruled in favor of the foster parents.....I think there is a baby selling and buying system going on in Creek County Oklahoma. And I don't care what anyone says this town is ran by greedy,money hungry,low life son of a !@#$%^&. If it is the last thing I do before I die I will expose them.....the judge for accepting the bribes, DHS for being total screw ups. Well I guess I'm done venting for now.

[TnFosterDad]

I know in our state if the children are with the Foster Family for 12 months, they have priority in adopting.

These children need stability and if you move them again after they have been with the foster family for so long, you will be causing more harm than good. They form bonds and attachments with the foster families.

I am speaking in general terms, I know nothing about your case.

I think DCS should have done more to get you approved faster.

Sometimes Stabilty & Security have to come before chromosomes and genes.

[saxxxy]

If he was taken into custody in May, then why did you wait until January to fill out kinship papers?

I believe in Utah kin is only given 120 days to file.

I don't understand why kin should get priority if it takes them longer than even a week to fill out papers to bring the child to their home.

[kikibrando]

Originally Posted by PSunshine91

Well I must say that now after everything we have been through My opinion still stays the same....that this legal system sucks and is not just......the judge ruled in favor of the foster parents.....I think there is a baby selling and buying system going on in Creek County Oklahoma. And I don't care what anyone says this town is ran by greedy,money hungry,low life son of a !@#$%^&. If it is the last thing I do before I die I will expose them.....the judge for accepting the bribes, DHS for being total screw ups. Well I guess I'm done venting for now.

You stated your nephew came into care in May '04, and you started classes in January 2005. When did you express interest in kinship care for him? Did you contact his social worker immediately?

The system generally sides with the biological family, quite frankly. I've witnessed children who've been in the same placement for more than a year, with strong bonding to their foster famlies, removed and placed with relatives they barely know, or have never met. In one case, a family we knew lost their foster son to his 82-year-old grandmother.

You stated DSS was in favor of your adopting your nephew. Despite DSS's position, the judge can rule against it. It sounds like that's what's happened here. I'm sorry. Perhaps, for the best interests of your nephew, you might approach his foster parents in friendship and establish a relationship with them. It certainly would be beneficial to this little guy to have both families in his life, if it can be worked out. It would give you the opportunity to be a part of his life.

I agree, the system is far from just. Too often, the best interests of the child are left to the whims of judges who dismiss common sense. However, it's unlikely the adoptive family "bought" your nephew. Generally, adoptions through the state are quite low cost, costing little more than attorney's fees.

In defense of foster parents, we have a tough job. We're asked to parent children, love them as our own, and give them up at a moment's notice. Even if it's not in the child's best interests to be returned to his/her family, we generally have little or no say. Many times, social workers treat us as little more than glorified baby-sitters (I have even been asked to baby-sit by DSS while they are waiting for another foster parent to get off work). Often, foster parents use their own resources and more to care for the children in our care.

Please consider, the foster parents love this little boy enough to make him a part of their lives forever. They have a bond with him, and likely, he with them.

I have a foster daughter whose been in my home since birth. We are adopting her brother, Ben. If it were within our legal right to fight for her, which our state denies us, we would certainly spare no expense to hire an attorney and do so.

In my heart, she's my child and we are all she knows. I have three adopted children, and I love them as much as the one born to me. Sometimes, the bond is more important than biology.

[ALI143]

I can't speak for this case, but I can say I've personally seen caseworkers intially tell bfamily not to worry right now, the baby will NEVER go for adoption, the ffamily is experienced and the baby is doing well, don't move them UNLESS something happens then we'll gladly hand them over to you. IN THE MEAN TIME... baby has bonded to the ffamily, the family is in love with baby, bfamily is accused of not stepping in sooner, ffamily didn't know how strongly bfamily felt about not letting the baby out of their family others wise they would have been there sooner. It's a shame when the truth is withheld from both sides. And both sides think that the state is looking out for them and the baby. Very very sad for you.

[locoenlacabeza]

I am the foster parent in a similar situation. We have 2 boys that have been placed with us for going on 18 months now.
They have an aunt and uncle who are trying to adopt them. The first time they ever met the kids was 15 months into the case. They have never acknowledged bdays nor Christmas'. Now they want to come in and play mommy and daddy to the kids that don't even know them.
I think Kikibrando hit the nail on the head with regard to the way the system treats foster parents.

[Kate1129]

The state has flaws. Yes! There are no winners, just those who lose bigger then others!

At times the bfamily is lied to and then there are times it's the ffamily that's lied to!

I am sorry that you are upset and hurting. However I doubt it's the foster families fault. If you want to be upset, be upset with the Judge, he makes the choice. The ffamily was doing nothing more then what you were doing, looking out for the child!

[sjjellybean]

I find it disturbing how much foster families are hoping to adopt that they forget what fostering is truely about. Foster families are temporary homes.

It took me 10 months to get my nephews placed with me. I had to fight with an adoption agency for the children. They already had a family that came to the mediations and court hearings hoping to adopt the children. This family had never even meet the boys. That acted so nochalant to my husband and I like it was a competion and we should be good sports about it.

What has foster care and adoption come to??

[Kate1129]

Originally Posted by sjjellybean

I find it disturbing how much foster families are hoping to adopt that they forget what fostering is truely about. Foster families are temporary homes.

It took me 10 months to get my nephews placed with me. I had to fight with an adoption agency for the children. They already had a family that came to the mediations and court hearings hoping to adopt the children. This family had never even meet the boys. That acted so nochalant to my husband and I like it was a competion and we should be good sports about it.

What has foster care and adoption come to??

I am sorry you are seeing the negaitve side to foster families.

I do not think you can blame the foster family that showed up. It would appear that the agency is to blame. If the family hadn't even met the boys, how can you blame them? It is likely that they were told about the boys expressed intrest and showed up. What you would take as a nonchalant attitude could in fact have been nothing more then they were the ones in the dark!

However it is terribly unfair to come here and chew on us! We are foster parents and we love the kids. However many (if not all) of us have been in the system for a long time. The kids we are hoping to adopt have probably been with us for a long time. The bparents have been given many chances and so we are at the point where yes we want to adopt.

Furthermore, many of the kids have been in numerous placements and probably have had their siblings adopted out. Wanting to adopt the kids does not come over night. It generally comes to a point where we see that the bparents are not getting it together and we can provide what the kids need. Now if a relative shows up out of the blue (for whatever reason) it can make us fight for the kids. Try putting the shoe on the other foot.

Please do not judge me based on your limited expierence in foster care!