[sherrid]

Does anyone understand the process of adoption? I mean seriously. I filled out the application and took it to the office. It is lost. I fill out another one and mail it. Lost. Now today caseworker comes to do a "walk-thru" and asks me to fill out one and it will be sent. I say I already filled out two. The caseworker then say's let me get back to the office to see if I maybe already sent it along with others to another agency to do the "homestudy" and will check and let me know. No word yet. I'm already signed up for classes so the caseworker says. No way to verify this until we drive 1.5 hours the first night of it. Should I trust, should I not.......
Who are these other people that the state of Oklahoma has contracted to do the "homestudy"? Are they DHS? Private people? Are they trustworthy?
I'm very worried now. Any help out there?
My question is if there are children so needing a family and waiting families that so need a child, why the problems? Haven't they been doing this long enough to get these petty kinks out?

[want2adopt3only]

It only gets crazier from here! Sorry! The advice I will give you is:
1. they will lose everything
2. write down everything: visits, phone calls, injuries, who said and did what with the date and time. if you don't, they can and will do bad things to you.
3. They will lie. workers, supervisors, and on up the line. Don't expect honesty, it won't happen.
4. The kid will have lots more problems than they will tell you about. Omission is another form of lie.
5. most of the time, they will put their job above the best interests of the child/
6. get familiar with your rights, the kids rights, DHS policy and state law. It will help you to protect the kids better
7. if something seems off, it probably is.
8. Go to www.fosterparents.com they will help you every step of the way
9. you will make a difference for a child
10. when they leave, the pain is worse than death!

[DCC]

dhs contracts with several agencies for home studies because they are understaffed to do them all. ask who the agency is that is doing yours. ours was contracted & the worker was absolutely wonderful.....she was very encouraging & did a thorough job in a timely manner. however, another foster parent i know was contracted with the same agency, different worker, and had a difficult time with them.

go to your class. they will ask you to list the casworker referring you. list him. you will have that class out of the way.

it is a very difficult & frustrating process & the one thing i would tell you is not to expect very much & you'll be happy when you get a response. they operate very slowly. each worker's load is heavy & if you aren't constantly in contact with them, you will get pushed to the back. stay in contact, go by to see him, email him. just be kind & state what you need.

it is true, that you won't get all of the information about the children....keep asking. remember that what they are telling you is from a person's perspective who is trying to place a child. don't be afraid to ask what you need to know. yes, the children who will come to you are hurting & will have many needs. evaluate yourself & your family & be firm & realistic about what you can adequately handle.

there are many, many children in need of homes & everyone who enters this process asks the same question.....if so many are in need, why does it take so long????? i can't answer that........but i can tell you that when you are finished with the process, your phone will ring and ring and ring. be ready! you will be rewarded handsomely for your hard work & diligence. anything good is worth working for!

Originally Posted by sherrid

Does anyone understand the process of adoption? I mean seriously. I filled out the application and took it to the office. It is lost. I fill out another one and mail it. Lost. Now today caseworker comes to do a "walk-thru" and asks me to fill out one and it will be sent. I say I already filled out two. The caseworker then say's let me get back to the office to see if I maybe already sent it along with others to another agency to do the "homestudy" and will check and let me know. No word yet. I'm already signed up for classes so the caseworker says. No way to verify this until we drive 1.5 hours the first night of it. Should I trust, should I not.......
Who are these other people that the state of Oklahoma has contracted to do the "homestudy"? Are they DHS? Private people? Are they trustworthy?
I'm very worried now. Any help out there?
My question is if there are children so needing a family and waiting families that so need a child, why the problems? Haven't they been doing this long enough to get these petty kinks out?

[HappyMomAnna]

First let me say that I feel and believe with all my heart that The system likes to weed out those who will not climb moutians in order to help the children in Foster Care.... I feel that many road blocks and obsticles are actually designed to discourage those who do not have what it MAY require to be the parents of children who need only the BEST Parents that can be found....

YES---there are many children waiting and needing families but it is not like picking out a puppy at the pound---we do not roll in point our fingers and say, "I will take that blonde boy there and go ahead and give me this snotty nosed little girl too"

Special people are needed for these children....people who will not take NO when thier child has a need that might be hard to answer--It should be VERY frustrating and VERY difficult to adopt children from Foster Care--they need parents not willing to give up when it is hard once they have been adopted!

Consider the process as a part of the journey and take the road blocks as lessons in reality--only the strong need apply!

[sherrid]

Thank you guys so much. I guess I was extremely frustrated with someone losing things and the not knowing, etc. I lost confidence in my cw. We are going to those classes that are wonderful and tearful at the same time. I get all my questions answered and I feel proactive instead of being pushed off. It is great to be going forward now. I do keep in touch with our cw. He is quick to answer my emails and/or phone calls. He say's I am doing good in keeping on the ball. He encouraged me to keep it up. He said in meeting us he wanted to know if we would consider fostering a family of six kids. He said we would be perfect for them. AHHHHHH!!! I told him that he would have to talk to my husband but I don't believe so. I would have 9 children. I can NOT imagine that. We told him that now HE was rushing us. He just laughed. He wanted to know our pain tolerance. That was it......
Well. Thanks all of you for helping me through this crisis.

[HappyMomAnna]

Okay--this overlaoding thing comes up rather often.... As well does asking families to consider issues they have already decided they would rather not take on... The key to this is to remember that there are sooooo many children in need and CW's have nothing to lose by asking--but, asking you to consider somthing does not mean you have to accept..... The CW will gain a better understanding of you and your family if you learn to answer directly and honestly--and then the CW can better filter the situations that you believe you are able to manage....

It is very okay to say this situation seems too big for your at this time... It is even okay to say that you would rather not be part of hurting kids anymore then they have been hurt and you would not want to be responsible for a failed situation and another move for any child... Far better to say no up front then to end up feeling horrible because you could not meet the needs of the children you took into your home and then had to have them moved on....

The matching process is by far the most important part of all of this. If you know before you start that it is too much then don't feel pushed to do it... CW's attitude is that there is NO HARM in asking the worst that can happen is that you say NO... Can't blame anyone for trying--so keep that in the back of your mind when you are being asked to consider.... We were aske to go to committee for several children we had not even expressed an interes in--CW's had seen our file and felt something about our homestudy struck them as a home that would be great for children in certain situations....and they asked.... no harm...but we needed to be strong and brave and not react from our need to do the right thing --for anyone else...