[Jim Fain]

We have been chosen to adopt a sibling group of 3, their ages are 13, 9, 5. The 5 Year old has been diagnosed with RAD and soils and wets his pants frequently. I anyone could provide us with some pointers, do's and don't; it would be so greatly appreciated.

[lucyjoy]

Rad is a serious condition and I would suggest learning as much as you can about it before taking this child. www.radzebra.org www.attachment.org www.Attach.org

Foster Cline and Jim Faye's Parenting with Love and Logic is necessary reading for parenting kids.
I would also read Cline's Can This Child Be Saved if you can find it.
Greg Keck and Regina Kupecky's Adopting the Hurt Child and Parenting the Hurt Child.

If you've done your research, you're already way ahead.

Since the wetting and soiling are directly due to the RAD, they need to be her responsibility. I would hand the child a bucket and tell her you heard she doesn't like to use the toilet so you know she'll be needing that to clean up her poop and pee. It will really throw her off and may even cause her to stop for a time to prove you wrong. A plastic mattress and a tile floor would be best as it's easier to clean. NO toy boxes-good places to hide stuff. Minimize the amount of things in her room. If she poops or pees outside her room, she sits on a plastic sheet where ever she goes.

Talk to the former foster parents and find our if she just goes in her pants or other places or does any smearing so you won't be caught off guard. Don't forget to protect the car seats.

Never talk to her about it or show any emotion about it-hand her cleaning products or run the bath water, or turn on the shower.
If it's more her problem then yours, she won't do it as much.

Does your area have good resources for RAD? You need a therapist fimiliar with foster/adoption/atttachment.

[Jim Fain]

LucyJoy thanks so much for the help. I just wish I could read a little faster. We meet the boys on Monday for the first time so we are just hoping for the best. I truely thank you for the advice.

[lucyjoy]

The child with rad is likely to appear to be healthy and happy and well behaved. Probably will charm your socks off. Just a heads up so you won't dismiss the diagnosis and be shocked when the behaviors show up. Greg Keck and Regina Kupecky are both in Ohio so you might check with them about therapy or therapist recommendations. Both are very nice.