[asweeet1]

Okay. I posted another post on here and if anyone reads this that read that they will see that I mention two cousins that my aunt had lost many many(+18) years ago to the state of Ohio because she was an unfit parent. Currently, I am awaiting a homestudy to foster and adopt 2 of the 3 more children she has had "since then" that have been with the state since December of 03.

Anyway, the two cousins I lost, I have sought to find for many MANY years. I finally posted on an adoption board yesterday and WOW, there it was a response. I got my cousin's name and phone. I called him, it was totally AMAZING!!! I was very close to him as a child and I wanted to try to become friends with him if nothing else and establish some sort of connection. I'm sort of like the "black sheep" to the side of the family that was involved when he was lost to the state, other than my having had a close relationship as a child with him. He seems to be doing really well. He was 6yo when he was taken the last time and only remembers "what was going on"(that's how he puts it), not people--places--times--or things. I totally understand that. Now, question, he told me that his "sister" lives with the foster family still. He said he "signed away his rights" and had moved away some years ago. He said that if I would like to meet up/talk to her(the sister) I would need to contact the foster parents.

Here is the REAL question for any foster parents out there. I do not wish to intimidate the foster parents or scare them. I do not wish to scare the sister(my cousin) either. She was 2yo when taken the last time and kept permanently. I just have a heart as big as the state of Ohio literally and I really love them as if they both(the bro and sis) grew up with me. I can't even describe how I feel inside. Maybe as if to burst because I want sooooo bad to have that part of my family that I was not given because my aunt could not properly care for her children. Is it her fault? Absolutely NOT. Why you may ask?! She is mentally impaired. She has the level of a 6th grader and is now in her 40's. She loved her children, just did not know "how to" be a "mom" by every sense of the meaning of the word! I, as a child, had no control over that! I do now and thus I will not allow other loved ones(such as the 3 children she is losing right now) be lost when I can and will do something. I love them! They are my family. Some families do not have the capabilities, but I do :-). So I just want to know how to approach? I have the family(foster family that is)'s address and names. I was thinking of writing a letter. I don't have a phone number for them and I think even if I did, I would not want to approach by telephone.

Any insight would be wonderful :-)

thanks in advance.

[yanknrebel]

Of course, this is just my opinion. I would write the letter, including a way for your cousin to contact you. Let her know that you had talked to her brother, and that you would like to correspond with her, if she is willing. Then the ball is in her court.

I am a foster to adopt parent, and a foster parent. My favorite pasttime and passion is genealogy. I have "found" so many of my long lost relatives doing just that, writing letters. SO far, they have all been very good responses. I found my mother's step brother (she and her siblings only see him as brother, not step). He has been missing from the family for 33 years, when I found him. He went off to the Army, met and married a woman in Germany and lost touch. I then found my mother's (and her 8 siblings) only known 1st cousin. He lived with his mom after his father and mother divorced. He never knew any of his family cousins, only his aunt (my grandmother). He , too was very happy. I have found my uncle's half brother and sister. ALso found my cousin's birthfather's widow and their two sons. While not all had the outcome that would make one jump up for joy, everyone was happy they were at least reunited. I wrote the letters, made the phone calls or emailed the individuals, told them my purpose briefly for wanting to find them, and let them decide if they wanted to meet the individuals in question looking for them. SOmetimes, it may help to have a mediator. Someone, that can make the connection for you, possibly the brother of the cousin. Just a thought. At least let the cousin, know you are interested in talking with her and then it is her decision to call you or write you back. Good luck!!

[rights]

If this child is still in foster care, I think I would contact the state agency that placed her there. She will have a caseworker that can answer all of your questions as far as what would be the best way to contact this child. Some children might even need their therapist to be involved in order for this to happen. Keep your head up, you're doing a great thing.