[tewalker98]

I am 26 and my husband is 34. We have been trying to have children for 6 years, and happily have chosen to adopt a waiting child. We are in the beginning stages of everything, and I am full of all kinds of emotions. I don't know if some of them are the right kinds to have. My heart doubles in size when I think of becoming a mother. But then it shrinks when I think about how the child might not feel like I am his/her mother. I want them to see me as mom. Do the older children ever feel that way? Thanks to anyone who can help!!

[kforkids]

Yes!! Older children can love you and think of you as their Mom! Depending on the age, it might take a while, but then again, it might not...

[tewalker98]

I know it sounds weird, but I am afraid that there will be this weirdness. Not from me, but from the child. And I don't blame them at all. It's just something that has never touched my life before, and I feel so unprepared. I will be starting mapp classes soon, do those have any insight into what to expect? Have you gone through this yet?

[kforkids]

We went through mapp clases nearly 7 years ago. There was not much attn given to bonding in that class. In our area, anyway, I know that has changed!
It just depends so much on the child and what they have gone thru, on what you will see. Do lots of research on bonding NOW! We found a great article in adoptive family magazine (I think it was July/August of 2001) on bonding. They suggested keeping the child warm, providing them with very soft (the softest you can buy!) sheets, blankets and sleepers. amoung other things- see if you can find a copy of that- it was in the newborn section- I'd help, but someone borrowed mine and it was never returned We wanted to adopt older children, so some of that did not apply. Alos there are great books on bonding.
I hope this helps...

[parrothead]

Our son calls us by our first names but will refer to us as mom and dad when talking to other people.

[tewalker98]

Thank you for your reply. I like having someone to talk to about this. Truly thank you! I'm just hesitant and going in with my guard up a little. I want to adopt only and not foster. I couldn't handle loosing the child after placement. I am going through CHS and am still waiting to hear from the SW. We are supposed to start MAPP classes in 3 weeks. I am going to do a little more research on the bonding issue. Maybe that will give me some ideas on helping the child while helping me & dh. Thanks again, and if you have any other advice on anything, please...I'd love to hear it.