[ljprevo]

We never did adopt Alex, here is the story about it.

Story of our foster baby, Alex…...

On January 23rd, 2003, my wife and I welcomed into our home a 1 (one) day old baby boy as our foster child.

We were told that the baby was given up at the hospital and we would have him for 3 months because he would be placed in the agency's adoption program, which my wife and I are not at the "top of the list"

Reason: Mother had three months to reclaim the child legally.

We agreed to them terms and understood the consequences.

9 months later we still had this baby in our home. No medical card, we are not getting paid the standard rate (which we could care less about), we were not hearing anything from the agency, etc, etc, etc.

Michigan state law says "If a foster child has been in your home for a year or more you are considered the child's physiological parent and if the parents right have been terminated you have the 1st right to adopt the child"

We were getting close to that 1 year statue and wanted to know what the future held for this child.

The agency, Catholic Charities in Flint, Michigan, NEVER communicates properly and fully with us and we always seem to get the run around. We figured, we are not calling them no more they can call us.

Oct. 28th, 2003 my wife went to a “mandatory” class. While she was at this class she talked with the baby's case worker and ask short of "What the hell is going on with this baby's case" Well not quite like that, but she felt that way.

The case worker said that the baby can't be adopted because he is Indian and his case has to go to tribal court. Well it would have been nice to know this was going on.

Off we going doing some extensive research into this and here was what we found.

“The tribe has jurisdiction of native American children.
The tribe tries to find a placement for that child within that tribe, if placement can not be found, they then try to find placement within another tribe, if one still can not be found then they will look for a non-native American family.
It is all part if the Indian Child Welfare Act. It is a law.”

We wanted to know what sparked this whole Indian thing. We were told that the biological dad stated in court that the baby was Indian. When the local judge heard that he said that he can not preside over this child’s case, it has to go to Indian court.

Well in beginning of January 2004, after a few months, the agency cleared this through the 3 major tribes and found that the baby was not a eligible card holder, so on January 7th, 2004 they went back to the local court and the parent’s of this baby had their rights terminated. This happens to be the same day of our wedding anniversary, how ironic. He were hoping this was a sign from God.

At this point this is where our story gets interesting.
The parents had 30 days to appeal the court decision which means that the agency could not place the child for adoption until that has been exhausted. Our year came up on January 23rd. The 30 days was exhausted on Feb 7th.

At this point we contacted the agency and told them that we want to adopt the baby. We were told by the agency director, Ricco Richardson, that we could not adopt this child because he was in their adoption program. I told Mr. Richardson that is not true the child has been in our home as a foster child over 1 year, yes we can adopt him. Mr. Richardson said he did not know where I was getting my information, but it was incorrect. I told him that we were going to seek legal advice, he told me, do what you have to do then. All of a sudden Mr. Richardson wanted my wife and I to meet with them RIGHT away. (This is another issue with this agency. When then need something they say jump and we have to say how high. If we need something it takes them months to get a answer, get something resolved, or we never hear back from them). All a sudden at this point he wanted to meet with my wife and I along with the Vice President of the agency “that day”. Another, drop what you are doing and get here!

At this point I had made contact with Attorney Lori Moran in Grand Blanc, MI and she advised us that YES we do have the right to adopt this child, the 1 year statue is correct. It does not matter how he was placed.
I proceeded to get in touch with Mr. Richardson again and told him we contacted an attorney and if we were not allowed to adopt this child we would seek to retain the attorney. He then changed his attitude and said “Well, do you want to adopt him then?” I told him of course we did. He then said, “Well you will have to pay us all the money back that the agency paid you over the last year”

At this point I was like, What the hell is this crap. I asked him why we would have to do that. He said that this child was not a normal state ward child. We would have to pay the money back and all the fees associated with this child which would be in the neighborhood of $15,000 to $20,000. At this point I thought he as feeding me another line of crap and told him that I would get back with him.
I again made contact with Attorney Moran and told her that they are telling us we have to pay to adopt this child. This is where the beginning of the end took place.

She asked us about this baby that we love so very much. Was he a state ward child or was he a voluntary placement? I told her he was a voluntary placement, which means his parents voluntarily gave him up, he was not taken out of their home by the state. This means that the state is not responsible for his well being. In the case of our other two children, Shaylyn and Jayden, they were state ward children. The state paid for their adoption. Our only out of pocket cost were $370 to adopt both of them. The state subsidizes adoptions for state ward children.

We thought that the adoption would be treated the same way with Alex, we had no clue about the difference in the type of foster children. This is another reason why I am upset with the agency not explaining this to us, after several months of inquiring about adopting Alex. We honestly feel that they may have kept this info away from us on purpose to “sell” the child to an adoptive couple. Naturally who do you take care of first, someone who pays you or someone you have to pay?
It was at this point that my heart sank. The attorney said we have the right to adopt him, but we would have to pay whatever fees that the agency required.

After a long afternoon of thinking, I went home and talked it over with my wife and we both came to hard choice of not pursuing adoption of Alex. $20,000, let along $15,000 was more that we could afford at the time. We would also have to carry medical insurance on the child, which would be another financial burden. We could not see going further in debt to struggle raising three children. We made the hard choice that we would have to let him go.

I then called Mr. Richardson back and told him that we were not going to pursue adoption of Alex. Mr. Richardson seemed excited by this news (maybe because his rear end was out of hot water a tad bit?) He again wanted to meet “right” away so we could sign a form stating was waive our rights to adopt. I could not believe this. Sign our rights away? That is just like a parent signing their rights away, giving up their own child. Astounding!

Mr. Richardson came out the next day to do a home visit, which actually went quite well, I was very surprised. I noticed the excess sucking up he was doing. I quite honestly care more of the well being of the children that myself or him. During the visit he said that there would be a “transition” phase. Starting off with a visit with the adoptive parents which would then lead to the adoptive parents coming to our home, to the child spending a overnight with the adoptive parents. He said that he would keep in touch with us how the visits were going, again, something that never happened. He said that he would converse with us to see if we felt (making us feel special again) if the child was bonding with the adoptive parents, if not they would hold off rushing anything until everyone was comfortable with this.

The adoptive parents, Bruce and Kathy Thayer are wonderful people. We hit it off with them right away. We do not doubt for a minute that Alex will be taken care of. He is going to a very, very loving home with a couple that has been married 20 years and never had a child of their own. Seeing the excitement and gleam in their eyes we knew that they were a good fit with Alex. They vowed to keep in touch with us and will let Alex know the people who loved and raised him the first year of his life.
Then the day came for him to permanently go with his adoptive family. It was Tuesday March 2nd, 2004. I am at lunch when my wife calls me. She tells me that the agency called and said we had to turn Alex over today. Here we go again I thought. I was like “WHAT!!!!!” What about the “gradual transition?” I called Mr. Richardson. He said, yup, the adoption petition was accepted by the court, Alex can be turned over to the adoptive parents and we have to do that today. At this point I did not feel like beating a dead horse. I was felt, ok, the time is here, the time to give up Alex was now, no fighting it.

I told him ok. He seemed like he was in a hurry to get off the phone. I told him that I had a few more things to ask him. I asked him where our paperwork was for Shaylyn and Jayden. He did not understand. I reminded him that he told my wife that he would send a copy of what he got from the court. He said I’ll have a copy when you bring Alex in. I said ok that’s fair. He then hung up on me without saying goodbye or anything. Very RUDE!

In closing, my wife and I are pulling completely out of foster care. We are no longer going to be treated the way we have been by the agency. We put a lot of time and energy raising, loving, and caring for the children in our home. We always felt that we, along with the agency should be on the same team. We felt that the agency has time and time again left us on the sideline. I feel that the agency has some serious issues that need to be addressed. From follow through, to organization, to communication, they need change and they need it soon, so no more children, foster parents, and adoptive parents are left on the side to suffer. Alex’s adoptive parents share our same thoughts as they have had the run around as well the 3 years they were with they agency.

As of Feb. 20th, 2004 Shaylyn and Jayden were legally adopted by my wife and I. We love them very much and will focus our extra energy and love on and for them.

In the end, the best is happening for a beautiful baby boy by the name of Alex. God Bless you Alex, we will never forget you and will always love you.