[mommy2Adam]

I was just wondering to those of you that been through a private adoption.. Did you pay all the medical bills that the birthmom had?

Thread Closed at Original Posters Request

[McNally720]

Hi there--we went through a private adoption this summer and because J had GREAT insurance (90/10) AND our agency had her signed up for medicaid to pick up the rest, we've yet to recieve a hospital bill. Of course, it's medicaid, so it could be up to a year before we see any remaining balance, but our SW said not to worry.

The agencies we contacted said that they generally work on getting birthmoms to signup/qualify for medicaid. They said the most common exception is if the birthmom is a minor, who's under her parents coverage and her parents coverage doesn't cover pregnancies of minors. Sometimes in that case, she wouldn't qualify for medicaid b/c she's a dependent of a family who wouldn't qualify for medicaid, but she also had no other way to pay.


The attorneys we talked to said that it's a "birthmom's choice", meaning that it's a total crap shoot.

That's one of the many reasons we ended up at our agency instead of in a lawyer's office--we knew we couldn't afford a huge medical bill!

[gottahavehope]

My dh and I are matched with a birthmother due in a few weeks. We have paid her medical all along. She is covered under her families insurance which is 80% coverage. We pay co-pays and a portion of things like tests and perscriptions. It really hasn't been that bad. We'll pay 20% of the delivery and hosptial costs as well. Our pbm gets the bills and then sends them to our lawyer. He pays the bills out of our expense account.
Peace,
K

[ourdreamcametru]

Our birthmother was covered under her parents insurance plan and her father picked up the remaining balance!

[SchmennaLeigh]

If you're going through a private adoption, have your lawyer or, if you are forming a relationship with the expectant family on your own, help the expectant mother apply for medicaid. That will help greatly with medical bills. If it's not a reality (ie; she's too young and thus should be on her parents' medical but isn't for some reason, et al), contact the hospital immediately and ask if they have either a way to write off bills or greatly reduce them for parents who simply cannot pay. She MAY have to call herself to set it up but you may be able to make the initial call which can be scary for a woman experiencing the nerves that accompany an unplanned pregnancy.

Best of luck.

[mommy2Adam]

I was just wondering because.... Our birthmom had insurance. So we figured we would pay the 20% that her insurance would not cover.. But 4 months after the birth Her parents sent the bills to. She only had "limited" insurance which really only paid for maybe 10%. I contated medicaid and they said we only had 3 months after the birth to sign up.. Which we didn't know. Her parents held all the bills that long.. So we didn't know what to do.. Her bills were way over 10,000 and after a very expenses adoption we could not do it.. So she is now trying to get the hospital to write off the bills as charity... Which her parents threw a fit about.. Her mom was very rude and hateful to us.. Cause we could not pay the bills. I am making payment on her ob/gyn bill so that she can continue to see that dr.. It was just a mess. I really feel bad about not paying the bills but my husband just refused to help with any of her bills cause the fact that they didn't call to see what insurance would cover prior to the birth.. Granted.. She was 8 months along when she went to her first dr app.. But we could of helped her get on Medicaid.. But when I told her dad that he said.. My daughter would not get state help. So anyway.. Just wondering what you all thought about that...

[mommy2Adam]

So are we wrong?

[BrandyHagz]

Are you wrong? I think it depends - did you agree, before the birth, that you would cover any non-covered medical expenses? If so, then yes...because you should have made sure you knew what that meant before agreeing to pay.

If the verbiage was more restrictive like, "we'll pay the 20% that isn't covered" - then no, you're not wrong, unless now you're refusing to pay that 20%.

I think, either way, you should pay what you agreed to pay, be it 'what the insurance doesn't cover' or 'the 20% the insurance doesn't cover'.

That's just my thoughts...

[SchmennaLeigh]

It's really possible that they didn't "hold the bills." After the birth of my (parented) Son last year, we got his medical bills SIX MONTHS LATER. Six entire months. Know how we got them? We had to CALL to ASK for them? (We dont' like knowing that stuff can come and bite us later so we called.)

If you agreed to pay, you should pay. If she would have eneded up in the hospital for three months of Level IV bedrest, would you have taken back what you had said simply because the bill was higher? No. Or, you shouldn't. Did you deal solely with her in regards to the insurance? Did you speak to her parents? Did you sit down WITH her (or her parents, depending on who you were working with verbally) and have a conference call WITH the insurance agency?

If you said you were paying the extra, in my opinion, you should. It's not the firstmom's fault that you didn't cover your bases. I know that if I agreed to pay something, I'd be on the phone finding out how much that something was. In fact, I was on the phone with my insurance agency for three days straight trying to figure out, in the end, how much our pregnancy for Nick would cost.

[Vogi2002]

I think it all matters on what was agreed upon. Honestly, I think both parties are at fault, including your lawyer/agency (actually mostly them depending on how involved they were). This should have been checked prior to birth. Is it thier expense? No, but I do agree that it could have been taken care of had you known. Of course, had I known I would have to pay close to 10,000 for medical bills I would have passed on the situation, if that is the case for you, I don't think you are wrong for not doing it. I mean if you don't have the money, you just don't have the money....

Good luck!!

Natalie

[SchmennaLeigh]

So stick the firstmom with the bills (not her parents because they're in HER name and will thus effect HER credit rating). Ruin a young woman's credit rating because she was under the impression that it was taken care of?

That's really helping her get a new start.

[Vogi2002]

I'm not sure she would be "sticking her with the bills". I mean, it's everyone's fault all around this wasn't taken care of. But I'm not sure how sticking the adoptive parents with the bill and ruining thier credit is getting anywhere either?? I know if I had to pay 10,000 I sure as heck just plain and simply couldn't. I can't stand people assuming that adoptive parents have all the money in the world (which is kinda the impression I got here). I think they need to hit a compromise. Talk to the hospital, talk to other people, but if the money was not agreed upon in the beginning, why should you automatically assume they have to pay it? Now, if they agreed to pay ALL and ANY medical then that is one thing. It's not like something came up medically, this was a mistake on everyone's part.....

Sorry- don't mean to seem like I am attacking, I'm not...

Natalie

[SchmennaLeigh]

No one ever said that the adoptive parents are made of money. Heck, I make more than the average adoptive parent family (just posted in my blog). But if they said they were going to pay it, YES, it should ruin THEIR credit as opposed to HERS. 10,000 bills come up for all sorts of reasons: car accidents, house fires, catastrophic weather. I'm not the type to just ignore a debt because I don't feel like paying it or I don't have the money right now. I make the calls. I set up a payment plan. And then it doesn't touch my credit report.

At this point, since so much time has passed, the girl's credit report is all ready being attacked. Decisions need to be made yesterday to make ammends. If the adoptive family is going to cop out and not pay, they can at least call the hospital or, at this point, the credit agency and explain the situation, rectify it and set up a payment plan for the firstmom that is do-able.

Morally? It's still wrong. But there are options if they don't want to step up and do what they said they would.

[Vogi2002]

I do agree that if it was agreed to pay they need to pay, definetely. I was pretty sure you didn't suggest the adoptive parent thing (you are not like that), but i know there are a LOT of people out there who do make those assumptions...and it makes me very defensive

I am on the fence on this one. On one hand, it was the birth of YOUR child, on the other hand, if you specifically agreed to pay 20% then that is all you should be held to. Now, if this adoption was done through a lawyer/ agency I would be pretty angry at THEM and I would wonder why this hadn't been taken care of before. To me this is something that they would be sure was taken care of. Now, i'm not making excuses for any of the parties (like i said before I believe they are ALL at fault). I guess I am glad I have an agency that takes care of all this (i dont pay direct bmom expenses) and this is one of the reasons why i did.

Anyways, sorry if I'm rambling!! Good luck, and please please don't just leave it like it is. No matter what happens SOMEthing must be done. In the end, it is better you pay for it then let the birthmom take the brunt, no matter what was agreed upon. It really isn't her fault.....and I have a feeling it would be easier on you than her, but that is just morally the right thing to do, not obligation legally..... (told you i'm on the fence! LOL)

Natalie

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Kurt and Claire covered my medical. I dont know how much the bill was... the more I read the more I feel guilty about it though -- how was I to know?!?!

Anyway.. if you said you would pay the bill, then YOU should call the hospital and see if they will write off part of it... IMO her parents SHOULD be mad that she has to go through all that and the grief of losing her child... it must be a nightmare for her.

I cant believe no one ever talked about what the medical situation was... If she thought you were paying.. then there was no need... didnt your lawyer know that medical bills vary and inform of that?

I think it is quite different to assume adoptive parents are made of money...than to assume that if they say they will pay medical--that they will pay the medical... well it isnt like she could sign into the hospital and rent out the floor for a few days... KWIM? Shouldnt they get a ballpark figure of what medical bills are on average first... to make sure they can cover a worst case scenario before agreeing... then adopting the persons baby... and saying.. hmm... sorry cant do it now.