[NVBirthMom]

I recently found out rather late that I am pregnant; I am 22 ans my husband and I have mutually decided that adoption is our best option. Initially, we wanted a closed or confidential adoption, or at least as close as we could get. We're still looking at that as our main avenue, however, something recently came up for us.

At my doctor's office, her nurse checked me in and started asking the usual 'baby questions', unaware that I was planning on putting my baby up for adoption. I took a deep breath and braced for the usual horrified look as I told her our plans. Insead, she just smiled and said 'I've been trying to have children for a while now and it's not happening for my husband and I. We've been trying to adopt for three years. I think that's a brave and wonderful decision.'

Now, I jumped in, heart first, and said 'do you know any of the laws whenit comes to choosing a placement family? I know that through agencies you can 'pick' but the fees for the families are insane.' She wasn't sure, as she has been working through the (horribly long and difficult) county and state proceedings. I asked for her home phone, and her shocked face and just sad overall expression let me know just how hard this has all been for her; I told her not to get her hopes up as I had NO idea how this would work, and she simply smiled and said "three years later, there just isn't 'getting my hopes up' anymore."

I have a feeling in my heart, and in my gut (baby and all!) that this women is the right woman for my baby.

Does anyone know how I would go about 'placing' my baby with a specific family without going through an agency??? The agency help in Nevada is limited anyway, and I can only see my baby benefitting from the $10-$15K the family would save by not going through an agency.

My husband feels the same way I do...as soon as I even mentioned it casually on the phone (and beleive me, this has been a hard subject for us and I was sure I would be starting a fight and get accused of 'charity, over extending myself, and being generally overly sympathetic and unconerned for myself'...he looks out for me much better than I do sometimes!) ...he shocked me (and himself a little I think) by reacting the same way I did...feeling right in his heart and his gut, even if he didn't know what we needed to do.

If ANYONE in Norther Nevada has ANY information that could help, PLEASE PLEASE let me know!

I am presently almost 30 weeks pregnant (on Sunday, it's officially 30 weeks), and looking at a possible 'early delivery' at 37-38 weeks as opposed to 40 (although the baby is extremely healthy ans strong, I am not and my doctor may decide to perform a c-section once he is sure my baby is ready for the world).

Again, PLEASE PLEASE let me know if you can help, just any resources will do as we have been scrambling last minute through everything because of how we found out.

[coco46]

NVBirthmom,

Welcome to the forums.

In the state of Nevada, an agency licensed to operate there is required to be involved in all adoptions, independent or no. It's possible to minimize your own involvement with them, but you might at least want to talk with them about their counseling services for pbirthparents. The paparents are required to attend parenting classes and have a homestudy done. Normally, the state/DCFS will not release the homestudies they do to private parties, but they should check on it anyway. No matter who handles the adoption, the paparents need to expect that some fees will have to be paid, like the attorney fees, parenting class fees, and homestudy fee, either to have a private one completed, or to have theirs from the state transferred & updated.

If you're pretty sure of a match, then you should first consult an attorney who's experienced in adoption. Unfortunately, I can't offer any suggestions, but the couple you're working with may have some leads.

I hope this is helpful. Please come in and talk whenever you need to.

[Nevada Jen]

You may want to have the nurse talk with her social worker at DCFS and ask how it can be done. DCFS workers have a lot more flexibility when they have a relationship with the person. WHat an amazing and wonderful connection you have made. In Northern Nevada, the DCFS does private homestudies so they may be willing to free up the one they did for her state adoption. Also, you and the nurse could go to an adoption attorney together and tell them what you want to do and the attorney can give you both some ideas about how it can be done.

Hope this helps. Good luck on your journey.

Jen

[DiJCastle]

I am also a hopefull adoptive mom.. My husband and I are waiting.. We were told that it still had to go through an agency.. They have to do a home study on the adoptive parents.. Just so you know I am also an adult adoptee and you are doing the right thing.. Good luck and if I can help let me know..