[tbirdy]

My husband and I are hoping to start the process to adopt soon. We would have liked to have gotten things going last year, but I was without a fulltime job from Dec. 2003 to January 2005. I worked several freelance and parttime jobs, but it's certainly a relief to have a fulltime position with a stable company and know I will soon have benefits and health insurance!

I just turned 40 and my husband is 42. Does anyone feel that there would be any bias against us from domestic birthmoms due to age? We have not decided whether to pursue domestic or international adoption yet. I lean toward domestic, but he's more prone to want to try international, mainly because the chances of a mother changing her mind would be less of a problem. I'd like a newborn, which is why I'd prefer a domestic adoption, but I'm not stuck on it. I'm sure we'll be happy with however we complete our family. Any stories anyone would like to share are welcome!

T

[SadieAnn]

You'll see from the trailer under my response our timeline, also that we had a failed placement. Dh & I only have this adoption experience to refer to, so I will address your comments from this one perspective only.

We are both 43, and we were matched within months of our homestudy. The placement failed, but it had nothing to do with our age, or anything personal really. Bdad just decided he wanted to parent. I will add that in networking with other waiting couples, it appears that all of us have something we fear will be less than appealing to bparents. I think it's the nature of the beast to focus on your shortcomings and not your strengths. So my advice is control what you can, and then try not to focus on what you cannot. When it drives you crazy lean on your support system... you'll need it!

On the domestic vs international. If you want a brand new, fresh from delivery newborn, and you can't live with anything else, than domestic is the route. I have had a taste of parenting a newborn and I will say ITS PRETTY AWESOME!!! But I've also had a taste of bparents changing their minds and must add that ITS PRETTY AWEFULL!!!

We are back in the wait and we do pretty much live in constant fear of another failure. We have a lot of support and lean on it often, but nothing will subside the fear except a match the results in a forever baby. I think the bottom line is that as a couple you need to weigh the pros/cons of each road and decide what you can and cannot live with. Each path has it's obstacles. Nothing is certain.

But along the way you can find support here, which has certainly helped me with our bumps in the road.

Good luck!

[tbirdy]

Thanks for your response. I'm sorry for what you've gone through and hope your next experience brings the results you want! I'm open to considering different options, and though I would like a newborn, my heart is not completely set on it. By the way, we have 2 kitties, too!