[aspenhall]

A few of you know me....tomorrow I fly to AZ to pick up our 3 yo soon-to-be daughter

OR SO I THOUGHT.... tonight I got a call from the legal father (not bio) the one listed on the birth cert. He lives in Indiana. I expected the call to be him giving me the address where my atty should send the papers......it wasn't !!!! He was QUITE surprised by my call to his g-ma's house (message asking for his contact info) since he himself is pursuing custody now that he has a job. According to bmom, this guy owes mass amounts of back child support and according to HIM.....he hadn't had contact with bmom (or 3 yo) for quite some time (possibly over a year or 2). I am still gonna fly down there to meet her, but now I don't know how it's all supposed to work.


ALLEGEDLY: (I believe at this point)

He isn't the bio dad, but was with bmom when she delivered (but signed birth cert anyway) and also is bio dad of her 2 yo son. legal dad's mom called the judge herself when custody was an issue years ago requesting that custody NOT be given to her son. Since she is living with bmom, I assume she got sole custody. He hasn't had contact with daughter in 2 yrs.

This is all coming straight outa the blue as the bmom previously told us legal father was ready to sign anything to avoid having to pay any more child support. How risky is this placement????? Can the ICPC go through so we can bring her home (legal risk placement) while we sort out this new development??? we are dealing with us in UT, bmom in AZ, and legal father in Indiana.

I understand bdad rights, but in the whole 4 yrs, he hasn't taken advantage of being her legal father, except while him and bmom were dating (bmom is now married to someone else).

I need to know what my odds are in getting this little girl PLEASE????

[pez collector]

I do not have an answer for you, but I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and your little girl.
God Bless.

[aspenhall]

THANK YOU for your prayers. If the legal father is a decent human who only wants his daughter back AND he TRULY only wants to be a parent....then he should get her......BUT his track record doesn't look real good and I am wary of his intentions to gain custody.

What does the ICPC need in regards to the legal father?

[BabsCanada]

Dear 'Travelling to get her 11 02 04'
Your Canadian friend is hoping for a happy update
Sending all best wishes your way
Babs

[dl]

Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you and hoping things worked out for you and your precious little girl.
Positive thoughts coming your way!

[aspenhall]

So I'm officially crazy!!!

We went down and for reasons unknown (at that time) I had a total anxiety attack....like get me outa here....I came home not even wanting to ever be a parent. A was beautiful and smarter than I could ever imagine. I panicked....I'm better now tho... S signed the docs and is "babysitting" her for us while we wait for ICPC. I guess in my state, the father legally has almost NO rights if he hasn't been ACTING LIKE A FATHER, I understand that this is a legal risk placement, but I'm willing to fight to make it work. I guess my own messed up childhood surfaced with a vengeance!!! I expected WAY too much and 9 yrs of habit/culture needing to change dramatically to be a SAH mom didn't help...I guess I was already emotionally vulnerable when I went down there too....PLUS I am someone (remembering my honeymoon) who needs a little longer to adjust to emotional relationships. And this little girl recognised us immediately and much to EVERYONES surprise (on her own) started calling us New mommy/daddy. Was very possesive of our attentions and I LOVE S and her hubby.....I could not have picked a more perfect relationship if I tried. It's indescribable the bond I have with S. I am determined to keep this as open as S wants and A needs. I have no fear ....She did an incredible job the first 3 1/2 yrs.... I understand why she is placing better now. She is dealing with some massive emotional problems herself and is unable to bond with A...She also said that she could see A's potential (cure cancer type stuff) and that she would not be able to help her reach her potential like we could. I corrected her and said that I thought A simply needs more than one set of parents. I'll post more when I can. I guess the adoption blues hgit hard and early for me. Thanks for all your wishes and prayers and advice. KEEP IT COMING!

[mom2GRLC]

congradulations on your new little girl....I hope everything works out smoothly for you.

Parenthood isn't to be taken lightely...it's a huge responsibility that one minute your life is pretty much free from responsibility then in a second you are responsible for a human being. I don't blame you for having a little anxiety.

I had a hard time at first trying to get used to my foster-adopt son that I got he was almost 4 at the time. When we were told about him they said he was 3 (they didn't say his birhtday was in 10 days). We expected him to be a little guy. When we saw him the first time...I couldn't get over how big he was. I felt like he didn't really need me because he was already grown. Having him in our home...really helped to get me bonded..and not even a month after we got him we called them up and said yes we want him...he's perfect(at first we were just an emergency placement for him due to his failed adoption with a couple).

Now when i look back at those pictures from a year ago i feel like he was just a baby and now he has grown up so much....I can see his baby face that he still had..now that he is 5 he is starting to look like a big boy.

Keep us posted on your litle girl.

[BabsCanada]

How I loved to see your post in our inbox today - I have been wondering about you!!

I can only imagine what a whirlwind this has been, and the emotional rollercoaster that you've been on.


I see so many positives - a beautiful, bright child, who is already bonding with you, and a committed birthmom that you love!;

Of course you're going to be anxious and second-guessing; becoming a parent IS a big change in one's life, but I promise you - it is only a matter of time (hours, days, weeks) before you can't imagine your life without this child.

I am truly, truly happy for you, and look forward to more updates!!!
Babs

[dl]

posted by BabsCanada
I am truly, truly happy for you, and look forward to more updates!!!

DITTO!!! So glad everything worked out well.

[aspenhall]

Thanks guys!!! I have a litlle time to post more now. Just a visual picture..... The day of the 1at appt with the judge (S to terminate rights) I was so Totally bonkers that I was sobbing and rocking in a fetal position at the thought of brushing my teeth......It was the fact of taking more steps in the direction of getting A. I went to S and begged for understanding...she agreed that it WAS going to fast for her too.....Everybody was hurrying us...I'm guessing so that S wouldn't change her mind. WEL I DON'T CARE IF SHE DOES!!!! That would have meant that it wasn't right!!!! I was pissed when she told me how they told her it was us needing to hurry (it was kinda, but we were flexible) AND then telling us that she wanted A gone ASAP. (it was kinda but only cause thay were moving and S thought it would be harder on A) They moved and the only thing traumatic to A is not being able to call us whenever she wants cause the phone wasn't hooked up yet. She has had all her stuff packed FOR WEEKS. I feel sad for S, but I also made her promise to NEVER DISSAPEAR on me. I also told her that bmom or new mom terms didn't apply to us and I have always disliked the 1st mom thing, but now it's the only appropriate term. ANYWHOOO we came home I was severely depressed over my unusual reaction and the next week threw myself into work and once back to my old schedule, I began to see my situation clearly. MY AGENCY CW WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD ME PEGGED. She kept advocating for us to slow it down despite the AZ cw insitance on speed. She talked to me on the phone a few times and between her and I we discovered a few things about my emotional process. To make a long story shorter.....I contacted my Attny last monday (had to go private because of the unique situation) and he was amazingly able to get us an appt for THAT THURS. SHe went all went smooth and as we had discussed previously (to avoid a repeat of that weekend) we would remain in ID (working) until the ICPC went thru...then we would fly in and out all in one day. It's a done deal now...I gave myself no options but to deal (better for me that way) I hope to have her in time for thxgiving...but most likely it will be the following Sunday.

HOW SOON CAN WE POST PICS HERE????? I read somewhere that it was illegal until finalization?????

I love you all so much!! remind me to tell the story of "naming the animals" later....

[BrandyHagz]

Legal Guardianship is fine...

Foster Parents cant post, because they sign papers saying they wont.

You should be able to post as soon as you have the legals done for guardianship

Congrats...I'm glad things are going well Aspen!

[aspenhall]

Is legal guardianship when ICPC has gone thru?

This is a weird situation. S relinquished her rights a week ago, but she still has A (babysitting), until after ICPC goes thru because we weren't able to travel and stay down in yuma again. So technically we would normally have her with us by now. so....Is that legal guardianship????

[MrsCinderella]

can you give us an update?

[aspenhall]

Sure, she is home with us now as of Dec 1st. I have more details on a thread labeled It's a girl!!! started by me. The legal father had 1 month from legal notification to file something saying he opposed the adoption...well as of 1/17/05 the month was up and we never heard a peep!!!!