[twm]

Hi. I am a single guy, 35 y/o who would like to adopt perhaps a two brothers or brother and sister. I have experience working with "troubled youth" (i.e. Urban Peak and similar orgs.) and feel very capable and ready to handle it. I'm really a regular guy who just hasn't been married (yet?). I don't think there will (should) be a problem with approving me since I have experience with kids, never any legal or other problems in my past, and have a good career.

But maybe I am being naive. I have read about and can image there might be a lot of unfounded bias and discrimination against a single man wanting to adopt, regardless of the facts and statistics.

Anyway, I am going to a Denver orientation meeting tonight, but want to be sure I get off on the right foot. I'll almost certainly adopt from a state agency, although perhaps not in Colorado, so I won't have these issues of family concent or international complications.

Here are some simple questions - please respond if you know the answers to any of them or if you are also a single male adoptive parent.

Thanks in advance!

Terry


Should I still work with a private agency?

Anything I need to know about working with Denver and/or State of Colorado?

How long will it take to complete a homestudy (from the county/state or private)?

Typically, how long is the process from the time I have found potential adoptees to the time they would be at home?

Realistically, what are my chances, even if I find 2 sisters or a boy and girl? (I'm assuming the discrimination is even bigger with single men adopting girls)

[Catlover]

Terry,
You might want to talk to a single Dad named Indy. He has 7 boys! No doubt could give you some tips on doing this and his experience.

As a single amom (almost), I can't help you much and won't presume to answer your questions. Others on this forum are much better qualified.

Good luck!
E.J.

[twm]

Thanks, E.J. The orientation was encouraging and I guess I'll just go through the home study approval through Denver. There probably aren't many people who are looking to adopt teens, but if anyone out there has done it, I would really appreciate hearing about the experience.

T

[crick]

twm -

Indy will be a great source of information for you as a single dad and has adopted all older children so will be able to help you there. You can pm him, if you know how to do that?

As far as the Colorado thing...

We adopted from foster care but did go through an agency. Our reasons for that were simply because we wanted someone who would be there just for us during the process and act as a go between if we needed that. Plus, even after 2 years, we still maintain a relationship with our caseworker and she is still a great support system should we need it. The agency also provides support groups with other parents which we don't attend much, but it's nice to know they are there. If you would like a recommendation for our agency name etc., pm me.

Our homestudy took about a month total I think. (I can't really remember) It's the other stuff that takes awhile, fingerprinting, criminal background check etc. can take up to 2-3 months. So if I remember correctly, they always say about 3 months for the complete homestudy process.

We were notified of a possible match in mid-May 2002 and our children came home permanently on August 1st 2002. So for us, it only took about 3 months between the match, visitation, meetings etc. to being placed. After that, it took until April of 2003 to finalize but could have been finalized in January. (It all depends on if the child is legally free for adoption, sw visits go well, if you feel things are going well etc.)

As far as a girl... It isn't necessarily a "man adopting a girl" discrimination that might intefere with you adopting a girl. In my experience and opinion, it's more due to the fact that a lot of girls in foster care may have been abused by a male and being placed with a single dad might not be in the girl's best interest. A lot of older girls who have been abused by males are placed with single moms or 2 mom families because they simply cannot trust a male nor would they feel safe with a dad, much less a single dad.

If you only want 1 child for now, I would say they will probably look for a boy to place with you. If there are girls who have not been abused by a male, then they might consider a placement for you.

My husband and I adopted a sibling group of 4 and there were a lot of sibling issues to deal with. Took some time to work through those, so if you are seriously considering a sibling placement as a single dad, I hope you have a great support system to help you out. You will need it! Again, Indy will have suggestions for you on this as he does have 7 boys.

Lastly...for us, working with Colorado systems was a relatively easy process. Our kids were in CO though, so we didn't deal with any other state issues etc. I found our sw and her office to be very competent and honest and answered our questions to the best of their ability.

Good Luck on your road to parenthood!
Crick

[twm]

Thanks, Crick, for all the helpful advice. Having just returned from a Denver adoption class, I think I'll change tack and go with a private agency. The main reason is the one you gave: to have someone is sort of working for me to help find the best placement and to give me some ongoing support. The county is indeed biased to place children in their system. For example, I can't count on them to help me if I want to adopt children from another state.

I am pretty set on the idea of adopting 2 siblings, regardless of gender, but I'm open to adopting just one if it seems right. I don't know what PM is, but I'll find out and get a hold of you for a recommendation and try to find Indy too.

Terry

[Catlover]

You can independently contact the state about out-of-state children. I did that with several at AdoptUsKids. I saw a cute sibling pair at www.myturnnow.com - these are Georgia kids. If there aren't siblings or family members to remain in contact, they will consider placing them out of state.

Either way you go, good luck!
EJ