[anxiousmama]

I'm new here and am looking for support! I'm single and had a hard time finding an agency that would let me adopt a newborn domestic baby. I want to know if anyone else has been involved in a nightmare of an adoption. I am in the middle of an independent adoption. My son was born 3 weeks early and I only had 3 weeks to prepare for him. I was in the O.R when he was born. He was 5 minutes old when he was placed into my arms. I took a protocal so I could produce milk and nurse him. The birth mother had told me the birth father (he is 44)was very ill with Heppatitis C and hadn't supported her while pregnant and was mad at her for not having an abortion like he ordered her to. My son is now almost 7 months old and the birth father is fighting to have full custody of him because this is his first son (he has two girls 16 & 18 and a granddaughter 5 months). He didn't raise his two daughters had very little to do with them until my little boy was born. I have offered him an open adoption and even to hyphenate the last name. He doesn't want anything to do with it. Until we go to court which could be anytime he gets visitation. I have offered two hour supervised visitation once a week and he stays just a little over an hour (he smell of alcohol when he arrives of course he has tried to cover up the oder with lolts of minty gum and over bearing cologne). He normally gives up because the baby goes to sleep. NOw he wants 4 hours unsupervised. Has anyone been in this nightmare and come out in the end with their child? The state of Washington is very difficult to terminate a parent's rights. It has taken me 8 years to become a mom. I spent 7 years in infertility hell and 1 year looking to adopt. Now I'm in adoption hell. However, my son is my dream come true. I love being a mom it is better than I ever imagined! Any suggestion or support in helping me save my son is deeply appreciated.
Sincerely
Anxious mama

P.S I have more details if you are interested.

[wlbooklady]

Hi!
I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time! Sounds like you need a GOOD lawyer -- make sure he has adoption experience. How does the birthmother feeel about this? Is she willing to come to court and testify? If she told him ahead of time, ie., he knew, and wanted her to get an abortion, I don't see where he's going to have a leg to stand on, particularly if he has a life threatening illness and drinks. I have no idea what the laws are regarding termination of rights in Washington; it's always a little trickier with birthfathers, particularly if they weren't notified. But it sounds like he was! Will you go to court soon? The waiting must be the hardest thing! I'll remember you in my prayers tonight -- hang in there!

[anxiousmama]

I supposedly have a good lawyer. He is an adoption specialist and has written 50% of the adoption law in the State of Washington however, he isn't a litigator. Most adoptions don't go to trial. He is costing me a fortune (i'm not sure how I'm going to be able to continue to pay him) but how do I give up because it costs to much. We don't have a court date yet. We had one where the birthfather tried to get custody. Court denied his motion but told us we needed to get to court soon. We asked for a guardian ad litem for the best interest of the child and the Court said the best interest of the child didn't matter it isn't important to him. the longer I have my son the better. So we aren't in a hurry to go to court. So in the mean time we have to try and keep the birthdad happy so he doesn't run to court. this is very difficult. Everyday I wait for the other shoe to drop. I love my son. It has been the best 7 months of my life and the worst! I wasn't expecting this baby. I was working with a different birth mom when this baby came out of no where! I truly believe he was brought to me by God! He is the best baby in the world. He sleeps 8 10 hours a night and has sense he was 3 months old. He hardly cries.
Thank you for your support and your prayers.
Anxiousmama01

[Just Julie]

You need to contact your baby's GAL. He/she should be involved in the case also. Check out the internet website to contact the head GAL or CASA worker for your area of the state.

[May4u2nvme]

I know what you are going through, We have had our little boy since he was 2 years, now he is three, he was taken at borth and we are his 4th placement, they should have terminated rights long ago, I mean come one after 3 years they still don't have there stuff together, and now there is a paternal relative that has come forward and wants him. And whats worse is that bthey are saying he will have to go! Just because he is a relative. GAL, case workers and everyone else is basically stating he needs to stay with us, but because of state policy it is not going to happen unless this family changes their mind, or something goes wrong with them. but already they have completed the ICPC they need, and have an atty, and the biodad sayd he will relinquish to them. What a mess, what happened to the childs best interest? Best of luck you are in my prayers along with everyone else going through this.

May

[anxiousmama]

HI May
This is nuts! I'm so sorry you and your little boy are going through this. The one thing I have going for me in my case is this is a private termination so the State isn't involved and they can't muck things up for me at ths point. Where were these relatives 3 years ago when this precious little boy needed them most. What he needs from them now is to be allowed to stay where he is loved and is being given a sense of security and learning trust. To move him now would be detrimental to him. I know there are several cases in dependency that speak about the best interest of the child the least detrimental. If you can get to a local law library that his connected to some sort of legal search program you can go in and put best interest of the child and you will find all kinds of cases that maybe you can give to your social worker or casa to try and help. Once again I'm so sorry you are going through this. I will keep you in my prayers.
My little boy is now 13 months old and he is thriving. Birth dad hasn't taken me back to court. We went once in August and he was told to come back soon. I think the reason things have slowed down (in my favor) is that as of November he no longer qualified for a free public defender. Now that he has to pay to fight he has slowed down. I think our case is going to end up ok. Basically I'm going to have child that I nursed (never gave birth to) and a jerk for an ex-husband that I was never married to. We are going to end up with an open adoption that will be more open than I had originally planned. However if my son can have a healthy relationship with his birthfather then it will be ok. take care and I pray that we all get to keep our children that have been placed with us.
anxious mama

[May4u2nvme]

thank you for your support, I am glad to hear that things are going better for you and your son. hopefully everything will turn out well for all of us.

May