[joy-n-ryan]

Hello, my husband and I are new to this entire process and I have many questions.

We were moving in the direction of a surrogate mother and an option has come up to adopt a child that is in the family. (In a round about way) The state is not involved with the child, and there is question of who the father is and neither of the prospects wants anything to do with the child. So from what I understand she will say unknown on the birth certificate and she will be the sole parent needed to give her parental rights to us??

Our birth giver is 4 1/2 months pregnant already and we are unsure if we just need the attorney to draft up paperwork to have signed?? Or if we need to go through the mountain of paperwork I am hearing about in this home study?

The last element to this is we are in Oregon; the birth giver resides in Missouri. We plan to have her fly out to see our home, meet us, and then we will fly there to be there for the birth...

Does anyone have advice to offer? Are we going about this correctly? And...last but not least does anyone know a reasonable attorney in Oregon that can help us.

Thank you for any information!!
Ryan & Joy

[r&esmom]

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[mj77]

Sounds like quite the road ahead of you. I can't tell you the name of a good attorney but you will definately want to get one soon. You might want to direct your question to the main adoption forum where you will probably get more input. It might also be a good idea not to refer to this lady as a "birth giver" but as a prospective birth mother . Maybe there is even a better term out there. Best of luck with everything though.

[joy-n-ryan]

Thanks for the thoughts...we are of course working on getting an attorney. Information is power and we are simply trying to be well informed of how this process takes place.

I am sorry if birth giver is not a proper term. I feel that my husband and I are going to be "mom & dad" to this child and how confusing is it to be told they have a "birth mother/father"?? Just my thoughts, I am sorry to sound callused or use the wrong terms

I am so very grateful and have more respect for the person that we are adopting from than I can express...and surely there is a perfect way to say that the person we are adopting from is placing more joy into our lives than we can imagine, we will forever be grateful and unable to repay what she is giving to us.

[MamaJem]

Its really not that confusing. Birthmom and Mom are two different names. It also tells your child that he/she were blessed to have TWO different kinds of Moms.

Adoption speak is its own language. You may be able to do some searches to educate yourself on the more accepted terms in order to benefit your conversations regarding adoption. This way, you can have an exchange that is healthy with all members of the triad.

I had the best adoption attorneys in the state of Oregon. I can't post them here but feel free to private message me for info. I think that is still allowed.

Best Wishes!

[BooKoo]

Hi Joy,
The state wasnt involved in my adoption either but once I hired a lawyer, which turned out to be very cheap...less than 3k...we were told Oregon mandates background checks and a homestudy, although you dont have to go thru the whole adoptive/foster parent process and certification. The homestudy paperwork isnt that bad. Its a thick packet of forms asking where you came from, what are you about, what was your childhood and parents like, how will you raise your child, etc. And the person who comes and does the homestudy will ask you the same questions. (my husband and I kept copies of our study and refreshed our memories shortly before she arrived :P) Its not as nerve wracking as most folks make it out to be, they honestly dont even care if your house is a mess or you have kids running around, how normal can it get? They do/will care about safety features in and around the home, guns being locked away, etc. Both of our birth parents, and you can call them anything that makes you comfortable, had signed off on the baby but even so the State had to become involved. The lawyer and his paperwork is minimal. Our process took 5 months and cost a total of 14k, which included the birth mothers hospital bills, the baby's hospital bills, the lawyer, and fees to the State of Oregon.
Good luck and go for it. You'll be able to work through anything.
If you want to know my attorneys name just email..opadiah-at-hotmail dot com