[Catsmom]

Hi There, I'm new to this board so please bare with me. We were placed with a 3 week old girl 5 months ago. As you can imagine, she is the light of our lives. However, we recently found out that the state has located the birth father who is interested in parenting her. Needless to say, we are very worried about the outcome of this nightmare. The father has a criminal record, drug and alcohol issues, and is homeless, but is determined to do what it takes to get custody. Has anyone else been in this position? Can you offer any suggestions or words of consolation? Thank you for you time.

[4x4ski]

Sorry no advice here but sending you big hugs and praying that the baby stays right where she belongs - with YOU!
God bless
Carole

[roomformore]

I hope you get to keep this baby. If this parent has a criminal record and still using drugs/alcohol he should definately not be allowed to have this child. Unfortunately the system bends over backwards to reunite children with some people who should not ever be parents-IMHO. This baby only knows you and what kind of a guy was he to not know he had a child? I hope it turns out well. Keep us posted.

[dogncatkids]

While the system may try to reunite the parent and child. The court must look at what is best for the child. If your attorney (I hope you have one and arent relying on the state to prove your case) should be able to substinate your claim and WA Law states:

Except in the case of an Indian child and his or her parent, the parent-child relationship of a parent may be terminated upon a showing by clear, cogent, and convincing evidence that it is in the best interest of the child to terminate the relationship and that the parent has failed to perform parental duties under circumstances showing a substantial lack of regard for his or her parental obligations and is withholding consent to adoption contrary to the best interest of the child.

[anxiousmama]

I know what you are going through. I'm in pretty much the same boat. see nightmare adoption. I don't have much advice but I would love to talk to you. I do know this is a hard time for you. Get an attorney. Do you know if the birth mother will be supporting you and if he supported her at all during her pregnancy if he didn't that will help your case. Does he have any other children that you can use his parenting history or lack of it for your case. My little boy is almost 8 months old now. He was placed into my arms when he was 5 minutes old. Birth father is hoping to get his son by 11/30/04.
Are you able to find any of his family? I have the birth father's mother and one of his sisters on my side and they don't even know me. that kind of help my be valuable to you if you can find them.
Let me know how things go and once again I would love to talk to you.

anxiousmama

[May4u2nvme]

We are going through a similar battle. We are our foster sons fourth home since he was two years old, he is now three, he was taken at birth and is still in lingo, between the parents not getting there act together to almost being terminated 4 times, but before it happened they started doing what they neede to again. Now it seams that there is a family member who is willing to take our little guy. He is has already suffered from haveing been moved so many times, and he does not know any of theses people (family members) and now all of a sudden they are telling us that "POLICY" says he needs to go to family. What are we? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It's so frustrating, I have tried not to thionk the worst and prayed that some how our little guy will stay with us, but right now we are very very scared. The worst part of this is that the child's best interest are not being looked at seriously. We have been advised by the CASA social workers and state commitees that they beleive it would be best for him to stay with us, yet because of blood relation and policy he is going to be moved unless they had some sort of proof that the family would harm him. Also, we have not considered getting an atty, we where told that it was not allowed for us to bring an atty, since we have no legal rights to our littl boy, and that if we did try and get invloved the court would become irritated and surely not let him stay. Anyone have any ideas, suggestions, or any other info that would help? If he is taken away I don't know where we would go from there, with loss and grief.

Wish all of you the best, and may all our little ones stay where they are.

May

[Catsmom]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this terribly freightening experience. I know first hand that you have never experienced something so frustrating and scary in your entire life.
As hard as I try, I can't understand why there's a law that gives birth parents and their relatives so many rights, and the people who are actually caring for these children absolutely none - It's crazy making.
Something that has worked well for us, although we're not even close to being out of the woods, has been to befriend birthdad. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it's been worth it in so many ways because it's helped him to see us as people, rather then foster parents.
We see him twice weekly at visits, we drive him to AA and we have even taken him out for dinner. In fact, I never thought I would get to a place of caring about him - but I do. He's nice guy, despite his bad choices. And most importantly, he's my daughters father.
Spending time with him has helped him see what great care his daughter is getting from us, and everything we provide for her. By befriending him he can trust that we will never bad mouth him to his daughter.
I know it sounds crazy, and it may not help us in the end, but it can't hurt.
I'm so saddened to hear of another person facing this crazy situation.
My family and I will keep you in our prayers.
P.S. Don't give up hope!

[May4u2nvme]

catsmom

thank you so much, we have actually considered giving the relatives, and the bio dad an open adoption, the only downfall is that we have to offer the same to the birth mom, and because she is unstable for many reasons, we do not feel it is the best thing, but we may have to do it any way. I hope that everything turns out well for you, you are in our prayers as well. Thanks for the support. I plan to talk with Dad at the next visit this Friday, I hope everything goes well. I do not think that it will change his mind, but we hope it will help.

May