[anmatwall]

Hi there. I hope someone can answer this for me...

We recently sent in our app to AAI for their Ethiopia program, and have gotten paperwork to start filling out. However, my husband and I have found ourselves worrying if we are really making the right decision. There is a sibling group of 3 older children on NWAE that we have kept an eye on I guess you would say for about 7 months now. With the 3 kids we already have that would make 6.

Now, don't get me wrong, we could afford 6 kids. However, it would certainly help if there was a monthly subsidy as well. So that is my question. Are there subsidies to enable you to adopt sibling groups?

I really want to make sure we're doing the right thing. I'm almost afraid to discuss this w/ the agency, b/c I don't want them to think we're just flighty...

Thanks for any information you can give me, and feel free to PM me.

[Darci]

Yes, you can get a subsidy. However, in speaking from experience, don't get your hopes up about kids on nwae.org. We have had our homestudy submitted on over 25 groups of kids and single kids on that site. We have only ever gotten a response on 2 of them. The first group we were actually being considered for (one of 2 families being considered) but our daughter came along before a decision was made about that group of 3. The second group was a set of 20 month old twins last year. The response we got was "we have more appropriate families". That kind of ticked me off..more appropriate than a 2 parent family with a stay at home mom and no other kids (at that time) with a VERY decent income. OY! I'm not saying it won't happen, just don't get your hopes up too much.

By the way, we also use AAI.

Darci

[anmatwall]

Thanks for the response about your experiences Darci. That's helpful to know. That response would upset me too.

We're just so confused. I'll probably call AAI and just talk it over with them.

Thanks again and take care!

Andrea

[HappyMomAnna]

There are thousands of children who are placed for adoption before they "need" to be listed on NWAE site or other internet sites.

One owrd of caution I would advise you of is that during your homestudy process your file will eventually indicate the issues and situations you can or are willing to accept....

The children who are listed on internet sites usually have significant issues.... and because this is a public listing the actually details of these children will NOT be written on the internet due to confidentiality issues.... Families who are told that a more 'appropriate' family has been found may not understand and realize the details they are unarare of about the children they asked about....

For example the internet sites NEVER mention sexual abuse and if your homestudy says you are NOT interested in parenting a sexually abuse child--then you would NOT be an appropriate family for that child....

NAWE handles the hardest to place children...by the time a child or sibling groups makes it on this site they have been in the system a very long time---they are usually leagally free and listed there because they have issues that cause these children to be VERY difficult to place.... Most states have thousands of waiting children placed long before they need to be MARKETED on the intenet....

[Darci]

As far as more appropriate choice of family -- in our case, since we had no other children to protect at the time, we were willing to take on anything except FAS and the profile for these children stated clearly that neither of them were suspected FAS. We had done months of research to determine what we could handle. Both my husband and I have extensive experience in caring for children (even before we had our own). Between the time our homestudy was finished and the time our daughter was placed, I took over 30 extra classes on parenting special needs children, and received certificates in all of them. I have worked in physical therapy and as a nurses aide. I took on the job of raising my brothers very special needs son by myself for several months when I was 19 and 20. I think the more appropriate family probably had more money in the bank than us. We were told flat-out by one sw that she was concerned that we weren't home owners. We didn't want to be home owners at the time...we rented a 3 bedroom house on 20 acres (a perfect place for children). But, this time through, we went ahead and bought a house before having our homestudy updated so it wouldn't be an issue...unfortunately, it required moving more to the city and giving up all that land and the safe place for children to play without worry of cars. Oh well. It seems to have worked out. We now have a 4 yr old girl, 1 yr old boy, and have a 7 yr old boy and another 4 yr old girl moving in next Thursday. 14 months ago I didn't have any kids.

Anyway, stepping down.

Darci

[HappyMomAnna]

I know how you feel I guess it is so hard for us because we are not there and don't know what makes the caseworker decide what they do?

With our children we were told that 'the final reson' we were selected out of the three families at committee boiled down to the simple fact we had a piano? The children's bithmother was in a Band and loved music...so go figure that one out?

We had asked to be considered on a sibling group that 'Looked' just like the childern in our family and we were just amazed! We never had a response to our request to be considered---and nearly a year later these children were still listed?

I think it can be just about anything that catches the eye of the caseworker in charge of placement either way--It could be owning the home--or it could even be the kind of work we do--or it can be negative things too--Like we were also told our children's birthmother had to have un-identified mental health issues and because I have a father with bi-polar and my husband has bi-polar we were seen as possibly more open minded if our children did have genetic mental health issues!

I have no idea what goes on in the minds of the caseworkers who are selecting families--I don't think there is a real rule book I do thnk some of it is all about that persons feelings at the time they are selecting families.... I guess bias is something that no matter how hard we try to pretend is not there it is at some level at some points in time.....

I am glad to see you have children and in some ways I have to belive once in awhile there is a power greater then us making things turn out the way they do!

[foldnfly]

For Wa absolutley yes! We adopted a sib group of 2. One has asthma. Their not minority and there still fairly young, 2 and 4 yrs.
We got approved for $330.00 a month per son, medical, dental, vision and couseling. the rule is you can't received more than the approved foster care $. Our adoption was finalized today!!! I use to work part-time but since you only get daycare while your fostering, I am quitting at the first of the month. the monthly support definitely helps in that regard.

[anmatwall]

Congratulations on your adoption! That's great!

And thanks for the info about the subsidies!

Thank you all for the information.

Andrea