[theheath25]

Hello!
I am super new to this adoption thing. So I thought i'd come in and introduce myself and give you my story. Maybe someone has some solid advice to give me on how to procede with everything.

I am 31 yrs old and have been married for 9.5 years with no children. I have PCOS so I can't have any bio-children. When I was going through the tramas of my illness I was trying to get pregnant (6 yrs). After tons of pregnancy tests and negative results I told my husband to have a vasectomy because it hurt too much to see the negative sign on the tester kit. After his operation I had to have a DNC and oblation of my uterus, sinching the deal for any hope for bio-kids. On the top of all this health stuff, my husband is a really scared type of guy. He has always felt like he would be a horible father so he has consistantly avoided this topic and said he doesn't want them. Well when he gets around our neices and nephews you can see that he would be a good father. Plus kids love him. I had been trying to stuff my feeling of becoming a mother so that I wouldn't bother his own feelings but they sort of came out a couple of days ago and I just let him have the whole truth about it tears and all. He then told me that I needed to take it into my own hands and make it happen. He doesn't want to have a say in it because his fears will take over and he'll try to stop it.

Do we sound like a weird couple? I think we'll make a good family some day, but I want to give him some more time to let the idea sink in. But since i'm already 32 I don't want to get much older before we adopt a child. I figure that we could try to shoot for 35 or so.

How long does the whole process take? And when do you think we should get the ball rolling? Do you think we could still get approved to be a Mommy and Daddy?

I know this is alot of info so please bear with me. I'm excited and scared all at the same time so I kind of just barf out whats bothering me and sometimes it's quite a bit more than just one thing.

Thank you for your help!

[foldnfly]

OK,
It can be a very fast process. It depends on when you get on board.
First, parenting is a dual activity. No way should either one of you try to push the other into ready-time. It's possible you folks need to first think, if adoption is an opion then what kind.
A foreign adoption can cost as much as $30,00.00 (friends and their chinese infant) or even domestic from the CPS foster care system can get up to around $10,000.00
If you desire an infant, then foreign is about the quickest, most likely. Doemstically waiting for an infant can be years. As the birth mom has to pick you from the other families at the agency.
Our family of 3 kids and my husband, and myself waited until our kid were older. We knew we desired to go with the foster program and had no way of paying the kind of fees needed by a private agency. We went thru the state. Everyone has to take the foster/adopt classes on dealing with the troubled kids. You will know from that class, if you can handle a special needs child. We started classes in April 03, we got the home study and paperwork and classes all done by Nov. We actually got licensed Dec. 6th and had 2 boys placed Dec. 12th. They were nearly legally free as they have been in the system about 2 yrs. They are 3 and 4 now. Today we adopted. So it can be fast, but at any time before their placed is the time to backout. Once they're there, don't do it! You have to be ready. No one is ready for the diagnosis of cancer, but you adapt. you make due, and that's what the attitude has to be with these kids.

[theheath25]

Wow, that was really quick! Congratulations!
As I said in my first post...I am super new to this.
Did you mean $30,000 or $3,000 for a foreign adoption? We weren't clear on that.

Also I know it sounds like i'm forcing my husband to do this but i'm really not. When he saw how much this meant to me he said to go ahead with it. What I mean by that is that he said for me to get all the research stuff done and we'd move on from there. I don't want to force him into anything. I haven't been talking to him much about wanting children--only mentioning it once in a while. So he hadn't gotten a clear understanding on how important this is to me. I believe that if I just keep talking about it he'll start getting comfortable with the idea of being a father over time. I just hope it doesn't take him too long because we're not getting any younger. I know it's never too late but it matters to me how old I am when I become a mother.

He's okay with the idea of adoption so I know that part is okay.