[shastafire]

Hello. I got online today, looking for some adoption information and wandered onto here...I really need some opinions..

DH and I have been married, formally, since Oct. 25, 2002. (First time marriages for both of us.) We bought our first home together in May 2003 (or rather, we will be buying for 30 years :-) ) and the lot next door to put a garage onto and fence in...Our home is only a 2 bedroom, 1 bath (though we would like to remodel and add another bedroom)

We have been ttc for almost two years now, and have found that I have secondary infertility...(I have a son from a previous relationship that is 4 years old). I will be 21 on Dec. 27th. DH is 25 as of May 18th. We have always discussed adoption, with our infertility woes, we have found that it is truly our only option of having another child in our home.

Here lies the problems - DS was conceived out of wedlock - father unknown; DH around the age of 21 was still running wild and got into legal trouble - resulting in a Felony Class D (he is still serving probation with 1 year 5 months left - he has served over 3 years thus far. He turned himself in.); In August of 2002 DH went to rehabilitation for drug/alcohol problems. He has been clean since. He even quit smoking (yay!); he has no desire to EVER go back to those things - aside from a glass of wine with dinner after probation ends. After we were wed in October, we began discussing religion - neither of us had ever TRULY had religion in our lives. I had always been interested in the Catholic Church and we arranged to meet with a local priest and begin classes. Which we completed. We were baptized (as was our DS) on May 22 of this year. We received first Communion on the 23rd. We were Confirmed on the 25th, and re-wed on the 29th (busy week!). Now, we are looking to adoption as our only option for having another child - plus, we feel...."drawn" to adopt.

We are trying to learn more about adoption and now that we have, are worried - with all of the things of our past - should we even attempt adoption? Will it have a chance at being successful? We are also worried about the cost of it. Financially, we are limited. DH is the only one working - at his request I stay home with our 4 year old. He is Gross is around 21,000.

Looking forward to any thoughts/suggestions.

Be well and God Bless...

Angela C.

[windycitygrl]

Don't throw in the towel before you have all the answers. Contact your local department of children's services and talk to a social worker to see what you and your dh will have to do to be eligable to adopt. good luck

[kyliejoysmom]

My suggestion to you is to contact a adoption agency and tell them your situation and see what they say cause I do know they do a criminal check but i dont know how they handle it if you have something on your record. I myself and husband had discussed that sometimes it seems adoption is not fair because unless you go through social services it is pretty pricey ours was but I have talked to some people that have been able to get a baby without major expenses like around 5,000 which i dont even know if this is affordable. It took me and my husband almost 2 years to adopt but it was worth it. Im not trying to depress you but just sharing you our experience. And the thing about international adoption it is just as expensive my opinion it is very hard in this world for people to adopt. Nothing makes me any mader than to see a couple that have 4 or 5 kids and the parents dont even act like they care about them and people like us would love to have one of those kids. My suggestion to you would be got to your preacher and have him help you find a adoption agency cause in religious adoption agencies that will really help you. Good Luck I hope the best for you .

[jjgnva]

I feel your pain, I am 35 and ttc for several years with my former husband, and it was not successful, after discussing adoption, i realized he was not into it. We divorced and now I am in the process of adoption. THe felony could be a problem internationally because the judges in certain areas frown on that. But again, talk to an adoption agency and be very honest with them and see what they say. It is likey that you may have to wait until the probation is over. Again ask an agency!! I had a little trouble when I was 18 (not a felony) and was very honest and it was not a probem. The INS will do background and FBI fingerprints and your homestudy will need to indicate Truth!!

It is very expensive to adopt internationally. I am single and thank goodness I own a home in an area that is up and coming and have lots of equity! You may want to consider looking into the social services agencies in your area and find out what you and honey will need to do to pass the homestudy. THat is crucial.
THey want to know everything!!

Things will happen the way they should, be Thankful even in this dark time. God knows your sorrow and is trying to teach you something..Just search your heart to find out what!

Think positive and do lots of researching!!

Best

jules

[shastafire]

Thank you for your responses...

We have contacted a few adoption agencies - and we checked for the state of MO and found that we are 133% above the poverty limit...that seems good enough for us. *LOL*

We also have no qualms about refinancing our house and continue to receive offers from mortgage companies - some that seem perfect, should we find the "right" agency for us.

Of the agencies we have contacted, 1 was discarded immediatly from what I will term - "UnChristian like conduct"
Another placed a call back to me, just this morning - and we will be going to their "open meeting". I did miss the call, but plan to call her back later today to discuss our options with her.

We have been checking with international adoption - I have read several websites, books, and pamphlets/fact sheets. It really seems to be our best option, now. We are happy to postpone the adoption until next year, when our vehicles will be paid off and we'll have that extra $$ per month for the child. We are also contacted his Probation Officer and will have a face-to-face meeting with him, to hopefully revoke the probation early. We were told a year back that my DH was doing so well with his probation that the officer thought he could get it revoked. A year later, DH has done even better and we hope this will work in our favor, especially since the felony record will be sealed.

Right now, we are interested in Columbian adoption - as an alternative to Guatemalan.

Any information/help that you can give would be highly appreciated...

Be well...

Ang