[chanibelle]

Hi everyone,
I was looking at a page that had children for adoption and there are 2 beautiful siblings 3 and 4 who are availiable. From their mini bio it says that there was a disruptive adoption,but that they were there for 6 months. Should I be leary of this? Im new to the adoption process. What questions should I ask about this? Is this common and why?

[aMarylandfamily]

A disruptive (or disrupted) adoption is a placement which did not go to finalization. If you are going to inquire on any child or children who has been through this experience it is important to determine the nature of the disruption ... sometimes the kids just aren't a good match for that paticular family or their special needs may be beyond the ability and capability (there is a difference) of the prospective adoptive family. A disruption never means the child is bad ... just means it didn't work out - neither child nor family should be "judged" when this occurs. Sometimes it takes more courage than life to admit a placement isn't working and takes more love than life to let go if need be ... so if you are considering a child who has been through this - find out all the why's and make sure you understand the needs of the child (special needs classified or not) before taking on placement in your home.

One of the board posters (lucyjoy) has taken several children that have not been able to make it in a certain placement and the children have blossomed and done wonderfully in her home so she may be one you wish to contact directly for words of wisdom and advice ... she deserves the utmost respect for all of her accomplishments and all of those of her children!


Hope this helps.

[lucyjoy]

I would want to know why the placement disrupted and if possible, to talk to the former family. It could be the parents were simply unable to care for two siblings so close in age or it could be the children have attachment problems. Any time my children's file indicated it was "just a bad match" important information was missing.

I recently met a mom who'd tried to adopt my son at 4 who still has his younger brother. She told me about abuse from the trial transcripts I had no knowledge of. She also told me about hallucintions my son had in two placements and a medication he was put on that had caused nerve damage. All his file said was that he could count and tie his shoes and then he couldn't.

I also took a four year old whose first placement disrupted who was on tons of meds and had been kicked out of 8 daycares. In his case, the problem stemmed from the other parent having too high of expectations. With in six months here he was off all meds and the heppiest little boy. His first amom did not want to make any ajustments in her lifestyle to meet his needs.

Children that young have a good chance to heal with the right parenting and therapy using a therapist famliar with attachment and adoption. They should never be placed in the same room and never assume just because they are young, that they will not hurt each other. Ask lots of questions and read information carefully.

[chanibelle]

Thanks everyone. Ill be asking all of those questions Its good to know there are people who have been through this. My husband and I are in our late 20's and early 30's and feel these kids may be a good match for us. There are some really great kids out there and its too bad people give up on them too soon.

[manon]

A good book to read would be "Building the Bonds of Attachment" by Daniel Hughes. It gives you a good picture of what it takes to parent a child who has been through multiple placements & has not learned to attach. While these kids may not have problems as serious as the ones he describes, it could give you a good picture of what some of the problems might be, so you'd know better what to look for.

It's also pretty good advice about parenting kids who are emotionally more like toddler age.

When there's been a disruption, it will probably take much more patience and love and work to have the kids feel safe and secure in their next home. But it's definitely something to go into with eyes wide open.

[crayons]

After I received my non ID, it said that my daughter was placed then placed again, so I called the social worker about her being passed around, I was told the first was a disruptive placement, because the first couple got my daughter to see if getting a baby would help their marriage, it didn't work, so they told the agency to come take her back, after 4 months, so they can work on ther marriage...........