[LVTweetHrt]

Hey girls~

I think Colleen said it best when I said that Bmoms wanted money for their babies and not for their living expenses.

Colleen~

Our halos are in the process of being shined up and Robert has taken his out of the closet and tried it on for size....LOL! He made a very good point to me, if he is going to do something, he is going to do it all the way. We want our child(ren) raised knowing God and we both don't want to be on the battle lines like who is taking our child where and when and what religion will the child be baptized into. It is just so much easier if both parents are the same religion. We both are determined to bring a baby into our home so we both have to make some sacrifices and Robert has realized his. I just have to amp up for mine! Like no more getting my nails done every 2 weeks

I haven't heard of Premier Adoptions or A Child's Dream. I do have an info packet on A Act Of Love from Utah....just been trying to gather as much info as possible. I was going to work with a facilitator in California as well. Colleen, PM me the facilitator that you are looking into. The one that I looked into was called Lifetime Adoptions. I am sparing any kind of information about them because I don't want to get in trouble here. BTW, are we allowed just to mention agency or facilitator names without any comments about them??? Oh well! I will see if I get censored! Take care!

Monica

[mlbsands]

Hello...

we have been working with a birthmom in Reno and need to work with an agency that is licensed in Nevada idf this goes thru.. can anyone PM me and let me know what agencies they have liked or disliked in the area??

Also.. if you have any idea of the costs for an "identofied" adoption that would be great...

mandy

[mglv]

I surprised about the comment regarding birthmoms wanting money for the baby and not expenses. That's illegal so I can't see how the agency wouldn't just explain that to the birthparents. Also, how would las vegas be any different from another state? I know neither of you know the answers to that, I'm jsut thinking out loud I suppose.

For the two agencies you mentioned, I actually tried to contact both and left messages and no one ever got back to me. I just gave up contacting them.

That is funny about the halos in your closet Monica. It's good that you are talking about that with Robert now so that you are both on the same page about it.

My husband and I both have catholic backgrounds but neither of us are practicing catholics. I hope it doesn't affect our adoption, but I don't plan to change for this sole purpose. It is no longer who we are.

We are working on our questionnaires now for the homestudy. It's amazing how much is involved and how much it really makes you think about your entire life!!! I don't mind it at all, it's obvious for the right reasons.

[LVTweetHrt]

Hey Marisa~

I guess it just depends on the agency you are working with. The one that we are looking at requires that we are practicing Christians. But you are already with your agency so I guess they did not require that. The one agency that I am looking into says that Bmoms tend to look at and pick families where religion is going to play an integral part of their baby's life. They actually have bmoms say that they want a "catholic" family for their child or a "baptist" family. Even though you may be a perfect match for a child, if the bmom says she wants a her baby's family to be a particular religion and go to church, you may be passed over because you are not practicing your faith. Just some info I thought I'd pass along.

I thought you guys would like the "halo" comment. Nice to add a little humor to what can be a nail-biting experience.

Monica

[mglv]

you said it, it IS such a nail-biting experience. Everything we say or do can have so many meanings, it's hard to put your true self out on the line without risk of getting hurt or rejected.

I was told by our agency that some bparents do request a catholic or christian background, however they did say that many are not concerned as well. I just wouldn't feel right if I started to go to church and tried to be the perfect christian or catholic when that is not who I plan to be in the future. It may take longer, but I'm sure we will be chosen at some point - as least I hope so!! It's not that I may never be that way, but for now it's not who I am. The agency hasn't brought it up yet except in general conversations.

As a side note, our fingerprints got sent out today !! one more step ahead : } I know it's not such a big deal, but I guess every time I hear word from the agency that something else has been done, I get more excited!

[ScooterLV]

Hi Monica and Marisa,

Sounds like things are moving for you Marisa. Seems like you are farther along in the process than Monica and me. We will have to keep that in mind so that when we both finally pick an agency we can bug you about what is going to happen next since you will be doing it or have done it. Have you started the homestudy yet?

We are still just putzing along. One more meeting to go with CC before we decide. If I like CC then I will go with them otherwise I am ready to go with a facilitator in CA. I am anxious to get the ball rolling. I am pretty sure we are not going to do the foster to adopt program anymore.

I had two of my brothers (have 5 altogether) call me within the past two weeks to tell me their wives are pregnant. I am glad they call to tell me but I know they feel bad about having to do it. I have told them all in the past that they better not hide things like that from me because they feel bad. I am happy for them. More kids for me to be an Aunt too. Though I wish I had their luck but our turn will come.

Talk to you later,
Colleen

[LVTweetHrt]

Hey Ladies~

I too am glad that things are moving along for you Marisa. Colleen and I WILL be fishing for information from you since you are already in the process with AA (your agency). Like Colleen, I am either going to go with CC or with NH--we will see. I really cannot do much since Robert will be leaving for Iraq in 2 weeks. I will just keep on doing what I am doing--thumbing through packets upon packets of information.

Hey Colleen~

Who knows? You may be starting the process before I do. We are looking to start with paperwork and picking a place to adopt through around August. Robert's TDY turned out to be 90 days, so I have three months to wait for anything to start up. I guess there is one good thing about his duty being so long--I can call CC and get on their waiting to adopt list as soon as it opens up. You have to keep me posted though because I am going to use the info you give me and how easy or hard your process is to help me decide if I should go with an agency or a facilitator. I already have a facilitator in mind as well. I have your e-mail address and I sent you an e-mail so you should have mine. If you don't PM me and I will give it to you ok? Take Care!

Talk to ya later~

Monica

[mglv]

Hi Ladies - sure, I'll help you as much as I can, this is all so new to me - right now it's fun because it's busy with paperwork and stuff, but I know the hard part has yet to come. We have required reading for our agency and the books have been pretty good. One I found to be the best is one they didn't recommendbut I just found it in a bookstore. It's called secret thoughs of an adoptive mother. It's very very good! I started it last night and was crying at the chapter when the baby was born!

The ones on our required reading were Adopting after Infertility, Dear Birthmother The Open Adoption Experience (not sure of title on the last one). I finished the first, and am mid-way through the second. It's interesting though because alot of thoughts in the book are so far behind in the times and NOT what we were thinking. They explore myths of adoption - for example - like how all birthmothers are uncaring, drug-addict, selfish people. Very old stereotypes that I didn't think people really thought of today. I guess it's reassurance that we don't feel this way, but it's mindboggling that there's even a book about it.

Sorry to ramble, but maybe while you check out agencies you can read some of these books - apparently they are on most agency's required reading list.

ScooterLV, let us know how the CC works out. Though I have heard very good things through friends about facilitators.

[mglv]

Colleen,

I'm sorry to hear about both your brothers expecting. I know it's a happy time for them- and you are right to have them call you (I always hate when people keep those secrets because it might 'hurt' me - I think it's worse when theydo). It still doesn't make it any easier. It got to the point where my sister, who is very fertile, wouldn't even call me when I had a loss because she felt guilty and didn't know what to say to me. It's not easy for them either.

Like you said though, your turn will come. It just takes time. But once you do have your baby, you will forget all the heartaches it took for him/her to arrive.

We have started the homestudy, though we do not meet with social workers for a bit. We are currently working on new questionnaires which I hope to be in the mail to the agency by Friday. I guess once they review that they come up with a report, submit it to our director and if she gives it the okay, they will set up meets with us.

Monica, you mentioned you also have a facilitator in mind - are they local? I'm curious as when I was looking around here I didn't find any local ones.

? for both of you - I have heard from people who have adopted that they had signed on with two agencies, or an agency and a facilitator - have you heard of that and were either of you thinking of doing that? Just curious.

[ScooterLV]

Facilitators are illegal in the state of Nevada but not in California. From what I hear you have to be careful when using a facilitator. There are some good and some bad just like agencies. If we work with a facilitator we will also work with an agency and an attorney. I will work with an agency in NV to do the homestudy and post placement. All I pay them are the fees for that and most of the agencies here will do that. I will need an attorney or agency in CA to do the finalization of adoption and termination of rights if the birthmom is from CA. If the birthmom is from here I will need an attorney here to do the finalization. So it seems very confusing but all in all it will cost me around 15,000 if we do it that way. Maybe more if we need a NV attorney. An agency does all this for you. No need for all the confusion with an agency. I may be a little squeaky on some of the information above because I am still trying to figure it all out.
I really like the facilitator in CA. that we are talking too and I have talked with people who have adopted with her and who are in the process. I also checked her out with the Better Business Bureau and that looked good too.

I have heard of people signing on with two agencies and or a facilitator or an agency. They try to have a better and quicker chance of becoming a parent. Some facilitators will show your adoption letter to moms and if you are picked then you have to pay all fees.
Some agencies will give you some of a refund if you accept with another agency. Usually you only lose the money you put up front. Does that make sense? Again I may be incorrect in some of the information but close. I have thought of doing something like that but no final decisions yet.

Sorry for all the blabbing. I am on a roll. I am on Spring Break this week from teaching so I am home just working on my ** letter.

Good Luck with the questionnaire and your homestudy.

Speaking of brothers telling me their wives are pregnant and not hiding it from me.... my husband's sister who lives here also hid from us that she was pregnant. We found out when she was 5 months. Boy where we angy. His mom even knew and didn't tell us. I am still mad at the two of them. That was a pretty low down thing to do to us.
Just thought I would add that to my babbling.


Colleen

[mglv]

it's so hard with family/friends - it's like they want to protect you but then they anger you instead. I guess they don't really know where a good balance is.


I know our agency does homestudies even if you don't sign up with them. I have a pricing sheet for that - if you are interested, PM me and I'll send you the numbers.

How are you doing your ** letter? I started mine - basiclaly just been typing up stuff whenever I feel the urge. I plan to start doing a 'book' soon. My agency says not to worry about it yet, and they even have someone who we can pay to do it but that seems so farfetched. I have so much to say so I figured I'd let it all out while it's there.

Can I ask why we have to use ** ?

So do you have any idea how long it will be, or what format you will be doing it in?

[LVTweetHrt]

Hey Colleen~

Sometimes I wished that my brother and sister in law DID keep her pregnancy a secret from me. I think I had mentioned to you before that she found out REAL early in her pregnancy and was way overjoyed and spread it around like wildfire. She even had the utter gall to say, "Oh, I am pregnant again....aren't I so blessed?" Yeah, like God wasn't blessing me for some reason. What made me somewhat angry during her pregnancy was how she milked it for everything it was worth from Day 1. At month 2 (you don't even show yet at this point in pregnancy) she was walking around like she had a 7 month pregnancy and started wearing maternity clothes and rubbed her belly every chance she got. She would tell me that there was a reason why the Lord blesses some people with children and not to get too upset because it was his way of saying that we are not meant to be parents yet. I just said , "Yeah OK whatever!"

So just think of the alternative. I am sure you would not like the overzealous sister in law who has ALL the answers.

I am done with my Dear Bparent letter and it turned out to be 4 1/2 pages long. Didn't I hear correctly at that informational meeting that NH gave that a ** letter is about 8 pages long? Hmmmm......just wondering what else I can add in there since I have EVERYTHING that I could possibly put. I even added a "MISSION STATEMENT" for us as adoptive parents.

Marisa~

I am going to be going to a bookstore to find those books so we can get a headstart on the required reading. I would really appreciate if you can give the title of that 3rd book that you were unsure of OR if you can provide the list of books that you can choose from. I am sure that it is ok if you list the books here on the message boards since we are NOT talking about agencies or facilitators. Suggested reading is not considered breaking the FORUMS law, I don't think. Oh and Colleen answered the question about facilitators here in NV and about the signing with 2 agencies thing so I won't repeat what was said. Good Luck with the rest of the process. I hope that it goes quickly for you. Remember to keep us posted on your progress no matter how slow or fast--

Take care~

Monica

[mglv]

Monica, that is just awful that your sister-in-law was so in your face with her pregnancy - and the things she said to you were really mean. I just don't understand people like that. My husbands cousin was the same way - she knew we were trying to get pg and it was always "I share milk with myhusband and I get pg, haahaha". Well, that's funny for you but a) it's not true, and b) do I have to hear it EVERY TIME I SEE YOU?!! Or "You can have one of mine" - no kidding? I'd take him in a second!!

Don't get me started...

Okay, not to upset you about the ** letter, but when I asked two on-line friends who both have adopted how long their letters were - I thought it was about 4 or 5 pages, they both laughed. One was in the 20's, the other was 38 pages!! Actually, they were more of a scrapbook type with lots of photos included. But 38 pages? I have 6 pages typed and now I'm just going to add photos for things I talked about. Who knows what my agency will say - they tell me it's too soon to talk about so I have no idea what they will expect. You are too cute about the mission statement though!! how awesome : }

Here are the books that were mandatory for our agency:
Adopting after Infertility, by Pat Johnson
Dear Birth Mother by K. Sibler and P. Speedlin
The Open Adoption Experience by Melina and Roszia.

I bought mine from the agency, but you can get them from www.tapestrybooks.com

I also bought from borders:

Secret thoughs of an Adoptive Mom by Jana Wolff - I'm really enjoying this one
Inside Transracial Adoption by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall - Haven't started this one yet.

and a great one for after baby!! - Parenting with Love and Logic by Kline and Fay -

Okay, you've got enough to keep you reading all summer long!

[LVTweetHrt]

Oh My Gosh

Thank you Marisa for all the helpful info. And I am glad that you understand about those "in your face about their pregnancy" types. I thought that I was the only one with one of those people in their family. WHEW!

Oh you didn't upset me about the ** letter. I just needed some clarification about how long it has to be. I guess once you start adding pictures and stuff it can lengthen the letter. I enjoy scrapbooking so if I can do it in scrapbooky type form I can start working on that. God knows that I have PLENTY of pictures. I think all I need to take is a piccy of our house, neighborhood, our future baby's room and our newborn puppy. My Dachshund had a puppy 4 weeks ago so we are having fun with her. She actually had 2, but one died. Anyway, enough with the boring details of my life. HE HE HE I have in fact started my personal safety walkthrough of the house and am done with my emergency evacuation plan. You should see how detailed the drawing of my house is. Man, I have too much time on my hands! LOL I have already put those pluggy thingies in the unused outlets and am started to bundle up the cords of my aplliances. I don't know if I am being too anal or cautious, but I am sure that it is going to be required as part if the homestudy. If not, well, this place is going to be ready and child-proof to a point!

I will speak to ya soon. Gotta pay some bills.

Monica

[mglv]

wow, you got a puppy! how cool! - they are so much fun and I love puppy breath : }

That's great that you are childproofing - I have a son and didn't actually do that until he was 8 months old and started showing signs of getting anywhere! How did you know how to do an emergency evacuation plan? You actually drew it out? I didn't realize I needed to draw it out. They asked if we had one and we said yes, but I thought since we always talk about what to do that should be fine. Any tips you can share? Does it look like one you see in a hotel room?

I do scrapbooking too - we should get together one day to scrap ! (though I know we are quite far from each other).