[ScooterLV]

Hi Girls,
What do you know about independent adoption? Trying to network on your own to find a birthmother kind of deal? I have read about it and would be interested in finding out more about that option.
Seems like it would be a lot of work but not as much money. Just another road to look down and add to my jumble of information about adoption in my head.

We have been going to the foster to adopt classes for three weeks so far. Still going just incase that is what we want to do. The last class was about child abuse. It was pretty. Who knows... that program also confuses me.
Colleen

[LVTweetHrt]

Heya Colleen~

I have also looked into independent adoption (also called designated adoption) and yes, though it is quite a lot less money you would still need to take the proper legal channels to locate the bmom. The agency that I am looking at offers the designated adoption plan. Families who are willing to be pro-active in finding birthparents on their own can use the services provided by the agency like provide counseling for both sides, complete the home study, assist in making legal and medical arrangements and act as a mediator in openness and contact issues. Fees for that program range from $7,850 to $9,200 total depending on what services you use from them and as a plus there are no requrements as far as age, faith or number of children already in the home.

I do like the idea of finding bparents on our own and paying way less, but I would personally feel more comfortable using the agency from start to finish. If you have the resources to locate birthparents, then you should go about this kind of adoption. Either way, it will be an experience that you will cherish.

We had also started going to the foster/adopt classes, but we opted not to finish because ultimately we decided not to do the foster/adopt. Yes, there are a myriad of classes from rasing and handling abused children cases and raising sexually molested children to the correct way to discipline children who have attatchment disorders and those children who either escape into themselves and self mutilate or those who react violently and break objects or hurt animals or other people. WHEW!! Way to much for us as first time parents to handle. Maybe someday we will choose that option, but for us being beginning parents that wasn't the way to go. Hope this helps. If you need more info or the number to the agency to speak to a counselor on the designated adoption plan, then PM me. I did as much as I could to explain it without violating terms of the forums. God knows I don't need to get in trouble on the boards.

Good Luck
Monica

[mglv]

Independant adoptions would be difficult in Nevada because this is a state where it is illegal to advertise. I spoke with an attorney here in vegas who had alot of answers for my many questions - there are 2 certified adoption attorneys in this state - go to www.adoptionattorneys.com - I think that's the link. let me know if it doesn't work.

Basically one wouldn't tell me anything unless I met with her for a $200 consulation. The other was friendly, but said that they don't get involved until we have a match. And they also told me that it's illegal to advertise yourself looking for birthparents in nevada. Which I believe is what you have to do to get a match.

Don't forget whichever way you go that there is a $11600 tax refund towards expenses when you adopt. And each year it goes up $1000. Plus, check your work - my work also reimburses another $5000 for costs.

[mglv]

this is the link: I hope it's okay to post it here.


http://www.adoptionattorneys.org/

[LVTweetHrt]

Thanks for the info Marisa! I think it would be ok to post that link because it is a attorney locator. Also, I didn't know that it was illegal to advertise in Nevada for a bmom AND I also didn't know that the tax refund goes up $1,000 each year! YAY! My husband is in the military and they reimburse $2,000 per child for qualified adoption expenses so that really helps a lot!!

We are going to be having a adoption fundraiser yard sale April 3rd and 10th and I also inserted a donation button on my website. The donations are done through PayPal. I e-mailed family and friends our story and the link to the website (which I thought would be a great way for family and friends to give a few bucks, I mean come on--we are not asking for them to fund the WHOLE adoption expense. I also thought it would be a great idea to use that same format of the e-mail and print up some copies and mail them to those family and friends who do not have e-mail or computers. Well, my hubby called his parents up to get some addresses and they flat out refused to give up the addresses and said that they "DO NOT SUPPORT US TRYING TO SOLICIT PEOPLE FOR OUR ADOPTION EXPENSES" and they also said that "IF WE HAVE TO TRY AND RAISE MONEY, THEN WE SHOULD NOT BE ADOPTING AT ALL!! How dare they! We are not the only couple trying to raise funds to offset the cost of our adoption. The more $$ we raise, the less we have to borrow from a loan. I cried most of the afternoon--as did Robert. I felt so bad for him because this was his parents telling him NOT to adopt or as they put it "GO THROUGH THE STATE AND ADOPT AN OLDER CHILD FOR FREE" It is no use trying to explain to them that we are cutting corners and living at bare minimum and saving money on our end because they are old fashioned and pig headed! I am sorry ladies, but I just had to vent. What we really need from everybody is support and now we know that they do not support what we are doing. When we first told them that we were going to adopt, they really didn't have much to say other than GOOD LUCK! Do you girls think that I am wrong for being mad? Also, what are your views on trying to raise a little money for the beginning fees of the adoption process?

Monica

[LVTweetHrt]

I forgot to add this question....Why should we have to skip having a newborn and jump right into getting a 3 or 4 year old? We deserve to witness every stage of childhood especially infancy! His parents seem to think that raising a child from infancy isn't really a huge deal. Well they have room to talk because they have raised their kids and are now retired! Thanks for listening!

Monica

[mglv]

I can understand you being upset - I have heard of many people raising funds by having yard sales and such. I think it's a good idea to put it on your website too. As I don't agree with your in-laws, you have to just respect their viewpoint about the addresses. I found that through all my infertility, no matter how much I tried to explain to family and friends, the things I want, need, feel emotionally, they just don't understand. Even with adoption, it's like - oh, why don't you just adopt - like it's just so easy as well. For what we've all been through to have our families, unless you go through it yourslef, no one else can understand. And for that, they will say dumb things.

Do your fundraising how you like (and make sure it's legal) - maybe ask some agencies for opinions or suggestions?

But with the tax refunds and your husbands work refund, that should get you back at least $14,000. A big chunk of what it will cost to adopt already.

Hang in there - and good luck with the attorneys names!

[ScooterLV]

Hey Girls,
Thanks for all the information on independant adoption. Sounds like it would not be an easy road to travel in Vegas so I think we will forget about that route.

Hey Mglv,
I checked out the attorneys here a while ago. If I am correct, one was female and the other male. I tried to talk to the female one and didn't get very far either. I reminded my husband about the tax credit which helps with him because he gets overwhelmed with the costs of adoption.

Monica,
I think it is a great idea to do what you are doing. Keep doing it and don't worry about the family even though that is easier said then done. Once you have your baby they will be all goo goo over him or her. There is an information meeting that New Hope is running this Monday. Are you going to it? I think I might. It is on domestic and international adoption.

You were telling me about designated adoption so I checked it out on their website. Sounds good if the situation arises. Which it might. My sister in law said her sister's friend is going to give up her baby. She checked it out for me and so far she is going to give it up. Her sister is going to see if she has made any plans yet or not. She thinks she hasn't. That would be cool if everything worked out. But who knows. I guess she is due in 3 months and didn't go to the doctors till a month ago. Not getting my hopes up yet.

Talk to you girls later,
Colleen

[LVTweetHrt]

Hello again Colleen and Marisa~

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I always know that I could find people on the boards that are either going through the same thing or just know what to say.

Colleen~ I haven't heard anything about the informational meeting at NH. That would be something that we would defintely like to attend. Could you give me more info please. Like time and address. Is it today, Monday, or next week Monday also? Thanks a bunch~

Monica

[LVTweetHrt]

Oh and Colleen

Good Luck on finding the prospective Bmom. I hope it all works out for you!!! Sounds like the ideal situation if she doesn't have a birthplan yet and designated adoption would really be something that you could look into since this Bmom practically fell into your proverbial laps. See, you COULD go about finding a Bmom the easy way and still have it be legal here in Vegas. If it was illegal, I don't understand why NH would offer that kind of adoption plan (to locate your own Bmom). Just be glad that they can offer the services that agencies offer to help and guide you in your journey.

Monica

[ScooterLV]

This was on their website under the international section. I will be there. I will look for you if you go. You have posted your picture so that helps. I am short and blonde. Shoulder length. Needs a cut. I am caucasion.

Information Nights in Nevada
Two information nights are being held for Nevada families during the month of March! Program coordinators will answer your questions about our domestic and international adoption programs.

Monday, March 29th, 7:00 PM at:
Community Lutheran Church - 3720 E. Tropicana AVE, Las Vegas.

I will check the site once more before I leave to see if you are coming.
Colleen

[mglv]

Hi Ladies -

Scooter - www.inciid.org is the site I was talking about - I thought I saw your id there in the past, but perhaps it was someone else!! it's the site on infertility.

Also, I want to say congrats on the situation arising with your sister's friend. That might turn out well for you. When you go to that information night find out about how to go about an independent adoption that route - I wonder if you have to do a homestudy or not that way.

Monica - NH is an agency in Nevada? And they allow you to do your own searches? Maybe you can search in other states but not actually in las vegas? That would make more sense. I'm not an expert on the law here - I was just repeating what I thought the attorney and my agency had told me. Unless I misunderstood.

As far as where I'm at, we went for fingerprinting today and that takes 6-8 weeks locally, and 3-6 months for the FBI checks to return. Seems like an eternity!! Did you know that fingerprinting is no longer done with ink? It's all computerized - I thought that was pretty cool.

We got lots more questionnaires to fill out, plus 3 books that are mandatory reading for both my husband and I. Adopting after Infertility, Dear Birthmother, and The Open Adoption Experience.

There's so much involved, but every step is a day closer to having a child!

[LVTweetHrt]

Marisa~

I am so glad that you are that much closer to bringing a little one home. Where exactly did you have to go get the prints done?? Are the local and FBI prints done at the same time. The informational meeting last night that NH did gave that same time reference in regards to how long they take to process. Yes, NH is an agency that is based in Washington, but are also licensed in Oregon and here in Nevada. They mainly work with Bmothers from Reno here in Nevada and not LV (too many bmothers wanted $$$ in exchange for their birth plan). Colleen can tell you also because she was there at the meeting last night.


Collen~

Thanks for letting me know about that infomational meeting. I am lucky I didn't read the forums a little later otherwise I would not have made it out. It was really great meeting you. It is actually nice to put a face to the person or people that you converse with on the boards. I am sure that we have not seen the last of each other and hope that we can still converse and share information (since we both are practically at the same stage here). And should you decide to work with NH, and I work with NH it would be great to be on the waiting list together and keep each other up to date on our progresses. Of course there is still that possiblility of working with CC when Robert gets back from Iraq. Like I said before, hopefull their list of waiting families will open up by then. I shall be speaking to you again later.

Both you ladies have a wonderful afternoon.

Monica

[mglv]

Hi Monica! Glad the meeting was informational last night! Can you tell me what you mean when you said "too many bmothers wanted $$$ in exchange for their birth plan" Is that for how much they wanted in expenses? I thought they couldn't ask upfront how much they wanted, but it would be estimated based on how much they need. Also, how would that differ from Reno and LV?

Thanks!

[ScooterLV]

Hi Marisa,
At the meeting last night I think they said that they don't deal with Vegas ** because the ** always wanted money for their baby. Not for expenses. So they stopped working with them here.
They said it wasn't all ** here just the ones they dealt with. Over all it was an interesting meeting. They seem to only place 25-30 babies per year domestically which doesn't seem like a lot. They seem to specialize more in international. I probably won't go through them. They are very Christian oriented. My dh and I need a little work in that department. I told him that after I came home from the meeting last night. Might be attending church this weekend. I need my halo fixed.


Monica
It was great meeting you too last night. Good thing you had your picture on the postings so I knew what you looked like.

Have either of you heard of Premier Adoptions here in Mesquite and Utah, or A Child's Dream which is also here in Nevada somewhere? If you have PM me.

So far the place that I am most comfortable with is a facilitator in CA.
Still checking things out about her company. I always hear such negative things about facilitators but not this one. Good report on the Better Business Burea and I have talked with some people who are using her. Who knows. I haven't signed on any lines yet. Still digging around.

Thanks,
Colleen