[jstone]

I am curious. Since a lot of the people seem to be in the waiting stage of adoption, if any of you have done any work on a nursery. We have purchased items for a nursery and stored them away. My wife and I disagree on when we should transform the bedroom into the nursery. She wants to wait until we know for sure that we will be getting a child. Personally I would like to start now in anticipation of a child. My wife feels that since we cannot have children that it would be too much of a reminder of what we cannot have. I see it as a reminder of what we will have.

I guess to get back to the real question what have the rest of you done in regards to a nursery?

[JuliannaTeresa]

I would look at while you are waiting in a variety of ways!

Even if you choose not to go with Foster Care or Foster Adopt as your first preference with Adoption? Your child is out there!

Maybe meet each other halfway!

Painting or Wallpapering the Nursery, and setting up bookshelfs. You at least feel like you are starting the process of Adoption! Alot of times too there is no time to do this in the end!

Setting up the crib. Some people this makes the Adoption seem more real! Some it depresses!

[jheald]

I understand where your wife is coming from. It's very hard to be reminded of a broken dream and those reminders come at the strangest of times. The emotions surrounding whatever fertility issues you may have come through tend to be stronger for the woman in most situations. Not that the man doesn't feel the loss...it's just different for most.

Anyway, I do agree with you that it would be healthy to move forward and look to the future so I would say meet halfway since your wife isn't quite ready for the full nursery. Get some of the work done and maybe by the time that is completed she may be ready to keep going. You never know!

We are getting things ready to make that nursery for our adopted child, but until we get the home office moved out of that room not much can happen. We're going simple like we did with our bio daughter. Nothing special on the walls and windows...just a crib, toys and books. We'll split up the dressers and things like that which currently are in her room. Because of that we will probably just leave it as a guest room until we know for sure we're matched and then we'll move the crib in.

Janet

[clurock]

I totally understand how your wife is feeling. This probably sounds pathetic, but I remember sitting in our guest room, which was soon to be the babies, smelling baby lotion, looking at baby clothes and just CRYING! We had waited for so many years and the idea of putting up a crib was FAR too painful for me. It was a constant reminder of what I DIDN'T have! I did pain the crib before hand so that it would be ready.

This has nothing to do with the nursery really, but one thing that helped me was to pack the babies suitcase that we would be taking with us. This act to me was a reminder that we would be leaving to go get the baby. I wanted to make sure that the suitcase was ready at ANYTIME!. I had also never packed for a baby and wanted to make sure that I didn't forget anything in the process.

We also purchased the car seat, swing, bouncer, stroller, etc. so that it would not be such a huge financial burden all at once, and also because there is often no time once the call comes in! This may be a way to help you feel like you ARE doing something for the future baby.

I agree with the other posters it might be a good idea to try to meet each other half-way with the planning. I wish all of you waiting a speedy match!

Good luck,

Christa

[tsmaman]

Hi,

Oh, the nursery - such a symbol of hope and anticipation.

With our first adoption, we cleaned out the room (storage) and painted the walls in anticipation (a neutral genderless yellow). We also ordered a crib (which took twice as long as we were told to arrive!), and bought a car seat. We awaited, however, a match before actually putting the crib, etc. together. Then we waited, and hoped that the bfamily wouldn't change their minds.
We also packed a suitcase and bought a pack-n-play (our son was to be born in a different state and we would be all-thumbs parents in the comfort of a hotel room ) and held our breaths until we got the call that the bmom was in labor. We then packed the trunk of the car and left.

In anticipation of our second adoption, we're following a similar route laden with caution and antipatory joy. The empty room has been painted, (we're still doing paperwork!) That's it for now.

I like the advice of finding common ground. Plant a tree together and envision the three of you sitting in its shade. You will be parents. Manifest good thoughts; see yourselves as parents and you will become them.

Cheers & peace.