[Nicky70]

Hi everyone

I am new to the forum and to adoption and wanted to know once you are chosen by the birthmother you have to wait, but what happens at the hospital? Are the doctors and nurses aware of the adoption? I have heard that they can be quite unfriendly about the whole thing.

I guess we have a while to go yet as we are waiting a date for our homestudy, it should be completed by the end of the year, then we wait!

Both my husband and I are very excited about becoming parents but are cautious about getting too excited incase the whole thing falls apart.

Anyway, it would be great to chat with you all

[3inCO]

Hi! Welcome. What happens when a baby is born depends on what the birthmom wants. With our first, his birthmom did not choose a family until after his birth and he was in cradle care for six days. We met the birthparents at a restaurant and picked him up later that day. With our second son we were chosen the day before his birth and met her and the baby in the hospital the day after delivery. That hospital was kind of weird, they of course knew what was going on but acted as though we were invisible. With our daughter's birth, we met the birthmom about three weeks before she delivered. While we were not at the delivery, we did talk by phone and went to the hospital several hours after the birth. That hospital was totaly different. The staff was very supportive of the birthmom and her decision and also of us as the babies parents. Of course she made it clear to them that she wanted us included in everything and that we were to be the child's mom and dad.

I think it depends a lot on the hospital staff's individual opinions and experiences with adoption. There is still a lot of ignornace out there about adoption, especially open adoption. It makes many folks feel really uncomfortable.

I think it is important for you to establish what the birthmom thinks she will want as far as your involvement at the hospital before the birth, but also to realize that she may change her mind when it actually happens. It is also so important to make sure that her needs are getting met after the baby is born and that not all of everyone's attention is on the baby. She may also need more time alone with the baby then she thought she would. This can be really scary for you, but I tried to think of it as a time when she was really trying to make sure that this was the right choice and also that this was one of the few times, (and in our son's case the only time) that she would see her baby, and have time with him/her.

Also, I was not prepared the first time for the sadness that I felt. I was overwhelmingly happy to be a mommy at last, but I was pretty naive about how the birtmom's loss would affect me. Anytime such a tremendous gain comes at someone elses tremedous cost, it is not without lots of emotion. I had spent so much time thinking about finally having a family, it was not until it happened that I really, really understood the loss involved for the woman who had to make such a heart wrentching choice.

Good luck with your journey, it is a hard one, but so worth it when you have your baby in your arms!

Becky

[Nicky70]

Thanks Becky for your advice about what goes on at the hospital and things I hadn't even begun to think about but knew could happen!

I know that we will get together with the birthmom and work out what the plan will be - we have been told to be totally honest with her.

I also know that the whole thing could fall apart at any second! This is what scares me the most. However, I visualize myself and husband with our baby and that's what keeps me going - I believe that we have to be positive.

Nicky

[Loie]

We recently took an infant care class at Rose and I asked the nurse/instructor what typically happens in cases of adoption. Her response was that in most cases the birth mother and adoptive mother have worked that out before hand. Rose only issues 3 ID bracelets that give the wearers access to the nursery. In cases of adoption one goes to the baby, one goes to the birth mother and one goes to the adoptive mother. However, all this bracelet does is grant access to the nursery. If the birth mother says that you can spend time with the baby outside of that setting then it's okay. I've heard of some cases when the adoptive family has a room next to the birth family which allows for private time for everyone in the triad.

Hope this helps. I'm a little nervous too about the hospital experience.