[pgecco]

I am sooooooo frustrated with the system now! Thanks to being rediculously understaffed, my DFS conty has given me a social worker that had never done a foster homes study, took forever with back and forth redo's between her and her supervisor. The she retired and it got lost in the shuffle. The we finally got assigned to a new social worker, also a recent transfer and we were HER first adoption home study. Again with the severe paper work delys and no one wnated to talk to us about what to do or expect when the paperwork was complete...because without it "we weren't in the computer" Well, after 1 year, we are in the computer and have .....with great difficulty gotten our home studies submitted for two sibling groups. Our worker has not been able, after many attempts, to even get the extended profiles for any of these kids.! I sick to death of this BS! Who do I have to light a fire under just to get information! And we aren't even talkig about actually being selected and heaven forbid..MEET A CHILD!

[HappyMomAnna]

WOW--what a road you have been on! It is so sad the state is so woefully understaffed. We didn't have problems, but in our state the casewrokers who do adoptions are usually senior employees....I am so sorry you have faced all this.
One word of caution please remember that caseworker is the only one who will represt you. Even without problems I tried to recognize this and use it to my advantage.... little things like a Thank you note--for all the hard work-- really stick it their minds. Even if you are not thankful for all the problems, your caseworker experienced or not-- will appriciate a pat on the back.
I also made it an effort to leave a sweet and nice message after business hours... something like, "we are so happy our homestudy is done and so excited--I kep thinking about those two submissions and cannot wait for more info, do you know how long it might take?"
And remember another point---in our state--I don't now about yours, the children's caseworker is the one who decides which adoptive parents to consider....and in our state if the childrens worker does not 'pick" (i hate that word) you then you may not get more info.... We put our names in on over 30-sibling groups and recieced the chance to get more info on only 5 or 6 of them... so, this part of your raod is also a little bumpy and filled with stress.
In our state adoptive parents are NOT supposed to contact the childrens worker, but I know that in some states it is fine.
if I were you I would just be a sweet noisy pain in the back of threir minds... after my homestudy I thought of any reason I could to call the worker in a sort of "dumb blonde way" Like calling to say, "I want you to know I have my cell phone on, and we might be gone some this week...so don't forget to call the cell"
Try no matter how hard it is to befriend your caseworker and then the worker will work harder to get you off her back....
my ideas might boarder on unethical-or selfish but, my motives are pure---I bothered my OB when my birthchildren were born too because I wanted to be 'special' in the delivery room even if the Doc was only thinking, "thank God this lady has finally delivered!"
the sweeky wheel gets the oil.

[pgecco]

That is soooo funny. That is exactly what I do with our worker. We are soo frustrated with the system but when we talk to her we always put it like "oh, it's a wonder you guys are sane", If we are this frustrated with trying to adopt one group you must be pulling your hair out to have to work with so many cases", and I always include "thank you so much for your efforts". I try to make it sound like I am on her side and WE are frustrated always means for us and for her and never with her. Funny, it does sound manipulative but "the sqeeky wheel gets the greese". Perhaps we could do a little more to say thanks. A little more honey and easy on the vinigar I guess. Thanks for the reply though. I sure needed the opportunity to vent.

[Marc Anthony]

Ask if this person who is helping you what they are. Chances are they will call themselves Social workers ( a title reserved for siocial workers ) then call the profetional order of Social Workers and confirm it.Chances are these people just want money from you.

[pgecco]

My social worker is just that. I am working with the state and not aprivate agency. She is from the department of family services in my county. She is actually nice and helpful. It just seems that they are so overworked. She never sounds irritated to hear from me. She is good about responding to my e-mail. I just think that there must be a better way of getting information on the children we are interested in. We meet the criteria to get the info (approved home study) and yet we still do not have any information. I am not even excited anymore. All of this has kiled my joy and enthusiasm toward adoption. I know it will return as soon there is more info on the children that have sparked our interest but for now I am depressed.

[HappyMomAnna]

Don't give up, because it does take some time for many reasons...first they are overworked and there are SO MANY children Waiting--so many in Foster Care and so many coming in. We Started our process in Feb 02---our Homestudy was done in 8/02 we did not actually get any real info until the end of 10/02 and went to committee on 12/18/02! The children came home with us on 1/10/03 so our whole thing took a year! AND WE were told that was very -- very fast!
Remember also that the children you are interested in are also at various stages in the process and sometimes the children's case worker waits to see how many homestudies are submitted before they decide on who to select. In Oregon the kids workers are asked to try and get 50----50 homestudies before they stop accepting more---then from those 50 they select 3-families to take to committee! Our state likes to have several choices of interested families. Generally, it takes some time for enough homestudies to even be submitted. If the children have recently been placed on the adoption listings the caseworker may take more time....there are also other issues involved like CASA reviews, and TPR issues....
It seems very strange when you get to this point---all along you are told these children are desperate and waiting so in your heart it seems like things would go real fast....but, ultimately the system is designed where no single person "plays God" and the process comes to a point where it actually seems competitive! It is strange....but, when you think about it the healthy--most attractive children will have more interest and that can slow things down...on the other hand the children with more issues may be held up because their worker want to find more interested families...this to us was the hardest time.
Try to enjoy this time....be open minded and put your name in on as many children as you even have the slightest interest in... it can be a numbers game. Sometimes you are interested in children who are still listed but, they are almost placed and the worker doesn't even look at your file....
Before lone you will start getting calls....we went weeks thinking it would never happen...thinking it would take another year...thinking it was never going to be done---then suddenly we were being offered one child after another....we even passed on several before we said, "yes, we want to adopt them." Then before we even had a chance to think about it we were planning the transition....have candle light dinners, take weekend vacations, and the best idea is to plan a party because the moment you do that you will get a call and then think about cancelling the party because now you are on pins and needles....you are almost at the finish line...have you ever run a race....do you remember the feeling you get just after you reach the halfway mark and you think I just cant make it...I will die if I even try...but you keep running and soon that feeling passes! That is where you are.....the right children will be living in your home before you know it...don't give up now the finish line is just ahead.

[lucyjoy]

The KCmetro area has an active foster/adoption group. If you're in that area, they can help you. Also, with MO, I sent letters on kids I was interested in and explained how the child could benefit from living with us. I then gave them my workers phone nember to send profiles to and to get my study. You have to be very proactive.

[pgecco]

Thank you for your encouragment. I needed to hear that we should submit our homestudy on every child we think we many be interested in. I feel so angry that I don't get that inforamtion before I am yelling in frustration. It is time to let go of anger and focus on the goal again. I will start submitting home studies to everyone we are looking at. Thanks

[kmalay]

We actually live in IL but are adopting through MO. We used a private agency, but I did as others had stated I would send notes or leave messages of thanks etc.... The other thing that was recommended to me by our first caseworker was to stay in touch regularly. I called at least every 2 weeks and most of the time once a week while we were going through the approval process. Once approved I was aggressive and searched on my own and most of the time called the childs worker on my own. If it sounded like a possible match then I called my worker and filled her in and had her send in my homestudy(we didn't get an approved copy of ours) This really helped when it came to getting matched with our boys. I stayed in touch with the adoption worker for them. By the time it came to staffing she really knew me and then I sent a photo album I made on the computer for each member of the staffing and included a letter explaining why I thought we would be a great match. It did the trick. We were the family chosen out of 50 for our future sons. We are just waiting for TPR now. By the way we started the process January of 2002 and our boys still aren't home yet. It is frustrating but as several of my adoption support group friends remind me just try to remember the beautiful gift that we will have for all our efforts. Best wishes

[pgecco]

What foster/adopt group are you refering to? I would like to contact them. We got our first emergency foster palcement last Thursday. 3 boys. They won't be here long though. It is good to get our feet wet. I feel we will be far more prepared for any foster/adopt placemnt now!

[glollybe]

We understand how you feel, this is the reason we do private adoptions. We have tried for five yrs to adopt thru the state of Mo, and no luck, and we are even open to children other than cc.

What a shame our state is in, and yet everyday they are taking more children into custody, and for what?? why don't they call families they are desiring to adopt. I think we need to change the way DFS handles placements, and they need to work off a whole different agenda where adoptions are concerned.



gs

[lucyjoy]

MFCAA(midwest foster care and adoption) 816-350-0215