[cwklein]

Hello,

This is my first post and I am new both to this forum and to the adoption process. It is both exciting and overwhelming and a bit scarey. So much to learn so much to do and so many variables and ways to proceed. I would love to persue adoption through NC but don't see this as being the most effective route. I am finding there are pros and cons in any method we choose. I can't say that I like the fact that adoption is such an expensive process. I think it is a sin that there are so many needy children, so many people who want a child to love and yet it has somehow become a very lucrative business. How tragic. I do want to know what is the timeline for a home study in NC and where do I go to find such a thing? I hope that there are some fellow NCarolinian's posting here b/c I would love to learn from your experiences.

[travisg]

Hi,
We are about two thirds of the way through the process in NC now. I agree it can be a scary and intimidating process to say the least. Just take a deep breath and hold on. Here is a link to our states adoption site with a photo listing of waiting kids http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/dss/adopt/index.html . The site outlines the process much better than I can but I will hit the highlights of it. We are using our local social services (SS) office to complete the process. There is no cost to you if you use them except for legal expenses to finalize your adoption, which you will be reimbursed for some time later I understand. I think you can expect a maximum of $2000 for that service. Other than that all you are out is your time, which is worth every minute of it to me. If you opt for a private adoption agency there is obviously a significant cost for that. If you plan on adopting an older child there is no real benefit to using a private agency unless you plan on adopting out of state. If you use SS and adopt out of sate they will make you reimburse them for the homestudy. Also a private agency may be a little faster completing your paperwork If you are looking to add a baby to your home you have a couple options: go through SS and foster to adopt (it is risky because SS’s may goal is reunification with the birth family, but it does happen); or go through a private adoption agency and try to get matched with a birth mom. Waiting for a baby is most of the time a very long process.

As fare as the actual adoption process goes: there is an initial meeting with a social worker, invitation to attend MAPP classes (parenting classes, ours were 2 nights a week for 5 weeks. Some are 1 night a week for 10 weeks. Depends on where you live and who you go through), during your MAPP classes you will fill out a lot of paperwork (family profiles, personal profiles, life stories, finger printing, pictures of your home,.....all of which is no big deal so don’t let that intimidate you in the least) your worker compiles your info (every know detail of your life) into the actual home study. The home study is then used to help match you with kids. Once matched they will provide you with all the info on the child. If everything seems like a go to you pre-placement visits start with your child so you can get acquitted with them and they you before actually bringing them home. Six months to a year later you finalize and the rest I hope is history. This, by no means, is meant to be a complete run down of every detail but a quick overview of the steps.

If you have specific questions I would be happy to try to answer them, but remember we are still learning too. I agree it is an intimidating process but if we can get through it anyone can especially if you commit yourself to it. It has actually been kind of fun. You will learn a lot about yourself during the process that you didn’t know.

Good luck,
Travis

[cwklein]

Travis,

Thank you for responding. This is bringing about so many mixed emotions for us. I feel guilty when I think about the huge expense private adoption incurs. Like I am placing a money value on the joy of having a child.

How long have you been working towards adoption with DSS?

SO you think it is too risky to do the foster to adopt route? I know someone who did that and they must have been very lucky. I have been told on this forum that they mislead you to persuade you to take children when they need someone desperately.

My husband and I have a really good life but we feel incomplete with out a child and I do not think a child is possible because I am 45. We feel we would make excellent parents for a child and could provide them a good life and home.

Any more advice, please feel free to keep sharing. BTW, we are in eastern NC, kinda near Greenville.

Cheryl

[travisg]

Cheryl,
For us, private adoption was just not a viable option. We just didn’t feel we had the added funds for that to work. We aren’t poor but certainly not wealthy either. I know what you mean about feeling guilty for putting a price on a child, there is obviously no price tags big enough for them. Unfortunately it is something that does come into play in the form of your budget, you still have to live and provide after the fact. For instance, we have always wanted to do an international adoption but just don’t have the funds or backing for that to become a reality. After looking into all the possibilities and finding out what a need there is in our own state for older kids we decided that was what we wanted to pursue for now. We just aren’t sure that fostering is the best option for us at this time. We both agree that we feel we may become to attached to a foster child and it would be to painful to give them back when the time comes (if it comes). I didn’t mean to discourage you from the foster to adopt program. It does work and people do add infants and children to their families in that way. My wife is a peds/ NICU nurse at our local hospital and sees it on a routine basis (maybe routine but often enough). Mom plans to keep the baby and after it’s born they change their mind or decide they just can’t take care of them, DSS steps in and places the baby in a foster home with a good chance of the baby staying there permanently. There is still risk to that but much less. Toddlers and young children that are removed from the home after the fact is where the greatest risk comes in actually keeping them for foster parents. Like I said the main goal of DSS is reunification with the birth family (mom, dad, grandparents, brothers or sisters) in those instances. If you are open to race (mixed race), gender, and cultural backgrounds your chances go up tremendously for an infant or younger child.

I would tell you to get in touch with your local DSS office and let them get you some info and talk to them. Also take the classes and get certified for fostering/adopting. All you will be out is a little time and gas money getting to the classes. You will get a lot of info during the classes that will help you decide if it’s right for you or not. Just because you go through the process doesn’t mean you are obligated in any way. We had our initial meeting with DSS at the end of July and were in our first class in the middle of August. We just hit it about right I guess. We have heard that our county is pretty fast getting everything finished up so they can get more foster homes available. Smart on their part.

You are welcome to email me anytime. I will help in any way I can. We are in the Wilmington area, so not to far down the road from you. Good luck on your decision.

Travis

[cwklein]

Travis,

I appreciate your taking time to respond to me. I do plan on going to DSS this week and beginning to find out what they say. It can't hurt, might help.

We are like you, can't afford the big $$$$ for private adoption. Even with the tax credit, we can't pay the 18-25K that seems to be "normal" fees for this process.

I'll keep you posted if you like.

Cheryl

[butterflymommy]

here is a link for Childrens Home Society
http://www.chsnc.org/index.html

Lisha