[whiterhino42]

Hello,
Has anyone here adopted a child between 1-5 through the state that was not their foster parent first? This was my hope, but everyone is telling me that it's pretty much impossible, especially for someone adopting as a single Mom.

[aMarylandfamily]

... has the worst reputation regarding adoptions ... it has been a few years since we worked with them but they re-nigged on our "placement" three days before our first visit when the foster parent who had been adamant about wanting the girl but not the boy gave in and agree to take both just to keep the girl ... and then two years later the boy was again "advertised" as being available for adoption. Let's not describe "angry" ... but we have heard that is common.

... is also known for not paying "purchase of service" costs including preparation of homestudy, travel expenses and most importantly post placement supervision (visits/reports required by the courts for finalizations).

No these two things don't have to scare you away - especially if you were fortunate to receive a "match" in your backyard but tread lightly and make sure you aren't assuming anything ... you could be wrong!

Keep us posted.

[whiterhino42]

Thank you for the info. I know I'm going to have to keep my emotions guarded. I may look into agencies, I just know I can't afford to pay 20,000, which seems to be an average. That is why I really wanted to go through the state if I could but I have heard quite a bit of discouraging news about that. Any information I get helps, thanks.

[dd0031]

I too have just started researching the possibility of adopting from my home state of Mass. I've been directed to search through the MARE listings. I haven't heard go or bad about adopting a child through the Mass DSS. My husband and I are interested in adopting a child age 2-5.

if anyone has had any experience with adopting a child from a foster care scenario (especially from Mass) I would greatly appreciate your feed back. The pros as well as the cons.

Thanks so much
Danielle

[whiterhino42]

I'd be willing to foster adopt even, if I knew the state was only going to put little kids with a high chance of being put up for adoption with me. I've heard from a few people they don't do a very good job of that but I don't know how true that is?

[dadfor2]

IM not sure if this helps. We adopted Through mass. two children (siblings) were identified, they were both from two different foster homes.

both foster mothers were nervous and wernt sure if they shouuld adopt the boys.

we asked and talked to oneof the foster moms, she was great and we started visitation with the 5 yr old. The transition went smoothly. The foster parent of the seven yr old, ended up getting a lawyer because she wanted to adopt the boys (she really only wanted the one she had but was willing to take the other in order to keep the one)>

the adoption agency were insistant they were the better family for both boys.
This didnt cost any money. It was state all the way...


to date: they are both with us.

dadfor2

[Opus]

Whiterhino,

We also adopted through the system in Mass. Our situation is fairly unique as we have two kids who came into our family as infants.

Foster-to-adopt or legal risk placement through DSS is almost always an emotional roller coaster ride. However, if you can hang in there and can deal with the long process involved, it may be the way for you to go. And despite state cutbacks that totally decimated our regional DSS office, our children's social workers have been great and supportive throughout.

I hope that helps...

[dd0031]

I don't know what "Foster to Adopt" means. Do I have to become the child's foster parent before I can adopt him? If the child is in foster care now and his foster family, for some unknown reason, cannot pursue adoption, can I pursue adopting him or must I first become his foster parent? This is all very new to me.

I went to my local library and went throught the MARE photolistings. I found a little boy that I fell in love with. His scenario is what I described above. It also states in his bio that "although he in not free for adoption he is need of a loving family". What does this mean? "not free for adoption"

Novice questions, I'm sure, but I'm just starting out.

If anyone could repy, I would once again appreciate it.

Danielle

[Opus]

Danielle,

A foster to adopt placement is referred to as a pre-adoptive placement by DSS. As we were made to understand, in a pre adoptive placement, the ultimate goal in the child's service plan is adoption but parental rights have not been legally terminated. The child is placed in your home in a foster situation with the understanding that you will become the adoptive parents once he/she is legally free. What happens many times is that it can take years for parental rights to be terminated and in some instances they may not be terminated at all. That's what is meant when you see "not free for adoption" in the MARE listings.

As far as the little boy whose photo you saw in the MARE listings, contact MARE and they will have his social worker contact you and you can get all his information then. You will also have to go through MAPP training and a homestudy through DSS. Good luck, we wish you the best.

[dd0031]

Dadto2

Thank you for answering my questions. So, what you're saying is that if I become the foster parent for this little boy, it's possible that he could live with us for quite some time and then his parents would still have the option to take him back at any time?

Is there a time limit in which they need to make this decision?

I read in another thread of yours that you adopted through "special adoptions". Is that a particular branch of the DSS, or does that mean "special needs"?

You've been a great help. Thanks

Danielle

[whiterhino42]

Thanks Dadto2 your info has given me a little hope. I know that it's an emotional roller coaster which is why I was hesitant to consider this option at first but I guess if you prepare yourself and know that you could lose them ahead of time you are more prepared for it (although I'm sure it's still gut wrenching). The more I have heard from people about it the more I think I may consider this option as my way to go. It would be absolutely devastating to have a child in your home for a long period of time and then lose them but I guess that may be the chance you have to take in order to someday be a parent. Thank you for all the information.

[EllieM]

My husband and I just recently finalized our adoption of a 10 year old girl 8/26. The emotional roller coaster isn't always waiting for Parental Rights to be terminated. Dealing with DSS in general and the kids involved with DSS is emotional, frustrating, aggravating, and just downright stress inducing. It is my understanding that you have to be a licensed foster parent in the state of Mass to be considered a potential adoptive parent. You are however listed as wanting to adopt over being strictly a foster parent. This eliminates you getting those urgent phone calls from SW about temporary emergency placements of other foster children. There are so many options to consider. My hubby and I knew that we could not take the emotional upheaval of having a child removed from our home in the event that the birth parent pulled themselves together long enough to get their child back. So our decision was to go for a legally free older child. With that comes the emotional baggage, trauma and uncertainty these children live with the entire time they are in the sytem. The majority of older children have enough acronyms in their health records to sound like Microsoft's latest instruction manual. Younger children usually have siblings that are older, and DSS wants to keep them together. It's a vicious, vicious cycle that needs such a complete overhaul, it's enough to make you re-think the whole process. I can however tell you that my husband and I have the most beautiful little girl, and if we can ever convince the powers that be to provide us with the type of therapy we're requesting, our dream of a family may actually begin to come true. I know I sound just a little jaded, and a tad frustrated with the system. But the whole reason my husband and I got involved with DSS in the first place was because we truly believe every child deserves a family. Ask lots of questions before making a decision, and by all means talk to other parents who have adopted thru the state. Also feel free to contact me if you'd like more information about our road to adoption. It's been a ride, that's for sure. Sorry this is so long, but I wish I'd known then, what I know now.

[Opus]

EllieM,

We know what you've gone through, we had a similar experience with the finalization of our daughter's adoption though our social worker was helpful throughout despite her ridiculous caseload.

I believe that the only requirements for adoptive parents in Mass is completion of MAPP training and a favorable homestudy, you don't have to be a "licensed foster parent". Foster parents have to go through the same requirements, however.

Working with DSS can be all those things you mentioned in your post. However, they are also severely underfunded and understaffed. I can't help but believe they would be doing a much better job if this weren't true.

[dd0031]

Dadto2 and EllieM,

I've noticed that the majority of children available through DSS are older (ages 9 and up) and many many have disabilities. Do you think going through the state is my best bet if we are looking for a toddler (3,4) with mild disabilities if any? I know I sound ridiculous when I give those parameters, however I honestly don't think I am a strong enough person to care for a child with disabilities. I also think this would be a very difficult adjustment for my 2 children.

Also, what about interstate? Will I find more of the same (older, siblings, disabilities) with interstate as well?

Last question I promise: If we have our homestudy done by the state and we decide to adopt "internationally" is that homestudy sufficient or do I need to have another done by whatever agency we go through?

Thanks so much
Danielle

[whiterhino42]

EllieM,
Thanx for the information. I definately have done a lot of research and I do realize no matter what this won't be an easy process but I am hopeing the end result will be worth it. I did look into the older children a little bit early in my research but as I'll be adopting as a single parent I didn't really think I'd be able to deal with a lot of the severe issues many of the older kids have. Also my boyfriends son is 9 1/2 and I would like to have a few years between them so they don't feel competition with each other as much. The age I'd love is 1-5 but I'd go as high as 7 depending on the circumstances. I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences with me because I want to go into this knowing as much as possible and with my eyes wide open.