[cwulff]

Our adopted son just turning 13 yrs is awaiting sentencing for 3 counts of molestation of his 6 yr old sister. Is this grounds for dissolution-there are many more behavioral and mental/emotional complications for him and we seek residential treatment which is being turned down by every part of the system we have tried. Frustration and damage to our family and youngest child is unimaginable. CPS has threatened abandonment if we do not take him home from Juvenile Hall where he has been for 8 days. Any help? Anywhere I can go or even talk to concerning this?

[lucyjoy]

I cannot believe states get away with this!! Have you contacted an attorney? Laws on this vary by state. some states really charge on abandonment, but some do not. In our state, juvenile court won't let perps go home if the victim is there. YOur daughter has a right to be safe. Can you remove him from detention to a hospital to buy yourself more time? Will mental health professionals back up his going to an RTC? What about if the RTC is geered for sex offender treatment, will they allow that if you agree to bring him home if the treetment is successful? If you are seeking treetment, rather then removal, maybe they'll be more receptive. Do you have records from when he was placed with you? Can you prove the state should have known about or disclosed this?(long shot, but worth a try). Any foster/adopt support groups in your area that might understand how the system in your state works. Stress to them that this child needs treetment. If they feel your seeking treetment in his best interest rather then dumping him, they sometimes will help more(I don't feel you're trying to dump him, I'm talking about the system's thinking. I know you are protecting your daughter and your family). Do you have any friends or family members that could keep him even on a temporary basis until the court makes their ruling on the criminal charge?
Sorry I'm not more help, I've never worked with your state.

[Missy M]

Originally posted by cwulff
Our adopted son just turning 13 yrs is awaiting sentencing for 3 counts of molestation of his 6 yr old sister. Is this grounds for dissolution-there are many more behavioral and mental/emotional complications for him and we seek residential treatment which is being turned down by every part of the system we have tried. Frustration and damage to our family and youngest child is unimaginable. CPS has threatened abandonment if we do not take him home from Juvenile Hall where he has been for 8 days. Any help? Anywhere I can go or even talk to concerning this?

I know this sounds crazy, but here goes: Leave him there; let CPS file charges so you will have YOUR day in court. I hate to say this but leaving him may just be the only way that he will get placed into the system and get the proper treatment. I would consult a lawyer, but abandoning him -at least in theory- might be your only shot at helping him and your daughter; its sad, I know, but face it, the system sucks....God Bless....Missy

[ketingle]

The problem with the abandonment thing is that DHS can then take the other children in the house, so I would go a different route from that.

[collinsfriend]

GET A LAWYER! You need to stay legal. The lawyer will know or find out what your and your daughter's rights are.

[cwulff]

I thank each and every one of you for even giving the benefit of your thoughts. You have no idea how many awful things have been done and said in the last few days. The crisis counselor at Adoption Subsidy has been extremely helpful and supportive to me and suprisingly the prosecuting county attorney agrees with me-we want him out of Juvile Hall and into a mental health program ASAP. The holdup is the mental health clinic will NOT give a recommendation to the court for residential treatment. I have filed a grievance with Northern Arizona Behavioral Health and will continue along those lines. We could move to a state where the facility takes Title 19 insurance and places according to parent referral-200 miles from here. That is an option but not much help when we do live here. To protect our youngest from some of the things going on with people at our door and on our phone we have her with a relative out of state for vacation. We are buying her time with her own counselor and not with our terror that the system will just send her brother home with "in home services." How could anyone imagine a six year old would want to live with him without benefit of his at least receiving intense counseling? And he's here back in the family.

[glk]

Can't the juvenile justice people find him a residential placement? A friend of mine is a deputy juvenile officer here and she is frequently looking for treatment options for the kids. You might try talking to them and see if that can keep you out of the CPS system at this time.

[dr. mom]

You are in a catch 22. If you leave him in Detention, they file abandonment. If you take him home and he molests one of your other children , you could be charged with neglect for not properly supervising .
If he was back in your home, they could pull your younger kids by saying they were at risk just because of his history. I do not think the best option is to disrupt the adoption. The best option would be to have him go throug in depth therapy and if and when the time came that he was rehabilitated then he could TRANSITION back into your home. Of course, they probably won't give you that as an option because they could care less! I am assuming your daughter is seeing a therapist for this issue. If your daughter's therapist cannot intervene and keep him away from your daughter, then, My personal opinion based on what you have said is if they tell you you must take him home with no treatment call your local senator and have him/her intervene. If that gets no where, you may have to consider taking the risk of being charged wit abandonment or as a last resort , you might consider disruption.. There is no way you can have your daughter's perputrator living in the same home with her without him first getting treatment. I do feel you need to contact a lawyer . Unfortunately, your adoption subsidy won't cover that and it could get very expensive. I am so sorry to hear this is happening to your family! You will all be in my prayers!!!

[lucyjoy]

Why won't the clinic recommend residential? There are RTC placements that will take sex offenders. Can you get an referral from someone outside the clinis, like a second opinion evaluation?
My son went into a facility(for attempted murder, not sex)that was 3.5 hours from us and we participated in therapy via the phone until he was healthy enough to do face to face which we did on weekends. If adoption subsidy would pay, could this be an option? It's been my experience with juvenile court in our state, that the parents having a workable plan in place does a lot to persuade the judge. Almost anything is a better option then juvenile lock up and this wil address your daughter's needs and your sons.
I'm confused. If the prosecutor agrees with you, why is the court allowing his release to go home and why is CPS pushing for it?
What does the mental health clinic recommend and what do they expect you to do with your daughter? Tell them to please put their recommendation in writing so when he molests the neighbor or someone at school, they can be responsible for it.
I can't imagine what possible reasoning they could have for their decision.

[lucyjoy]

Might be a long shot but since your daughter is gone right now you might try it. See if you can get adoption subsidy to pay for an attachment/adoption psycologist to come in and do an evaluation and recommendation for treatment. If they recommend RTC, will the court allow it and adoption subsidy pay for it? You might run it by a lawyer. I don't know of anybody in AZ, but I do know some people in MO and one in Colorado that travels. Youmight run it by a lawyer and see if it's a workable option.

[Missy M]

This whole scenerio is horrible; you are indeed caught between a rock and a hard place and my heart goes out to you. To think that a 6 year old has to be vacationed to be safe from an abuser that the system insists you take back into your home is horrible. Even after he is treated she shouldn't have to live with him IMO.... how is she expected to live a "normal" life while her abuser sleeps under the same roof as her?
I know I am off track, but recently a co-worker, (a RN) allowed her husband back into her home after he was "treated" and given probation for sodomizing her 11 y.o. daughter. How does she think her child's gonna feel? How should she react while watching her mommy show love for this creature? The child has no choice.
My biggest concern is that even after being "treated" many abusers continue to offend....
I wish I had an answer and I pray that you find one soon....Missy

[doylene]

EVeryone has responded with what could realy happen. We were faced with the same scenario. We refused to take the child home, even though the recommedation hadn't gotten to that point and we were told finally, she would not have been sent home anyway, but we had said she would not come back, we were charged with neglect. The referee actually said that if we did, then we would be in neglect of keeping our other children safe. State worker even hinted at 'sometimes the other children are removed, even if only for a few days". So they were willing to emotionally damage our other children.

We got a lawyer, hard to find, and after 2 years, judge sided with us and said the state had done illegal things against us. However, the 2 years took its toll emotionally and financially.

Check with you state foster and adoptive parent groups. Check with a group that advocates for victims of abuse. Someone should be representing your 6 yr. old. What bothered me was she got free attourney and our children were left with nothing, we had to hire someone to protect them.

If you go the neglect route, you will eventually win. However, make sure you have record expunged.

[lucyjoy]

You have to convince the court that youare looking equally at both children's best interest. Without the right treetment, your son is likely to re-offend. That would not be in his best interest.
Present the court wih an RTC option specializing in sex issues for teens that includes phone and possible family visits amd interaction. You want your son to have the most healthy option for him. CPS will have a difficult time convincing the court otherwise. Once that's set up, start treetment for your daughter.
Worry about the future after the immediate concern is addressed. It may help you avoid the two year battle.

[doylene]

Lucyjoy,

We did get our daughter in a psychiatric placement, they wouldn'keep her because of severity, she then went to a long term residential facility, where we attended weekly (1 1/2 hour away) family sessions. We tried to get her out to Evergreen for attachement therapy. Her therapist said she didn't even have enough to work with for that (too bad, they wanted to giveup, we didn't). The therapist recommended dissolution, she eventually 'moved on'. Our county got mad because of the recommendation. Took it out on us.

Another problem, we found out two years later, was that in the beginning, we didn't file charges, but tried to get her therapy and keep the other children safe. Finally, someone said, why weren't the police contacted?! We had thought PS would do that. So, They were, they investigated, she admitted, she was kept in placement, we were exonerated.

This was a first for us. It gave us experience. However, we didn't know where to turn and the state really took advantage of it. If she would have been from an indigent home, she would have been placed, no questions, but we had income and they wanted all they could get. WE refused to pay above subsidy.

In a county next to us, a similar case and the judge dissolved the adoption. We were just asking for help for her. go figure.

Hopefully this family can use all this info. to avoid the same pitfalls, even so, each agency has its own quirks and agendas to try to second guess.

[cwulff]

Mental health offers "wrap around" services for in home, school and family counseling BEFORE any residential will be offered-I'm filing grievance with the state. We asked for residential to get him out of Juvenile and get in treatment and fully intended working with that facility by phone, parental visits and our love and support. At the same time our victims statement is requesting the judge to do court ordered placement and we have provided one in state with an immediate opening. Anyone know if I could get an "order of protection" for our daughter? If he is just sent home I will try for an emergency hearing in family court with a different judge to file the school, Boys Club psych evals etc documenting proof of unsafe environment mentally, emot and physically for our little girl. Our family only(no credibility) has observed touching our male dogs genitals and took that to his therapist and you'll be happy to hear both cats survived after, punctured lung and broken tail,etc! He's still ours! We wanted him and we can work with him-CENTER based-while protecting our daughter. Dissolution is a very, very last resort and it may never come to that at all, if the court or the mental health services can please help us help him!