[babs03]

Hi everyone!

I am a divorced mother of three adult children (27,21,19) and am considering adopting a teenager. I have always wanted more children but because of my previous marriage, I did not feel right about bringing more children into a bad situation. Now I feel capable of giving of myself to another child that needs a home and family. My children and I have a great relationship and they don't have a problem with me considering adoption.

My question to any of you out there...any suggestions, pitfalls, warnings or anything I should know about. I am just in the think stage at the moment and would appreciate any comments from anyone who has been thru this. I know it is a huge responsibility to take on and I don't want to make the wrong decision, for myself or the child. Also, is it better to adopt in the state that you live or is it possible to get a child from a different state? And what kind of cost is there and how long does it normally take?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

[mckenna]

i am a foster/adoptive parent from missouri, if you have any specific questions, please pm if you want.

[lucyjoy]

If you're talking about a teenager, there should be no cost involved if you are adopting in the US(and live in the US). It is possible to adopt from anotherstate but the agencies fdo encourage you to seek children from your own state first.
In taking an older child, be sure to find out from the child if adoption is what they want. Often times, the kids have been moved around so much that they would prefer not to be adopted. They want to be allowed to go into independant living, long term foster home, or back to birth parents when they are old enough. Often state workers will encourage them to be adopted when they don't want to. This would not be a god arrangement. Eve though as adults, we realize we need our parents far beyond 18, if adoption is not what the teen wants, they'll make life miserable for everyone.

On the other side, a teen who really wants a family will try very hard to learn how to be part of a family. These placements can work out really well and there is such a need for parents to take these teens.

The one other thing I would advise is researching and reading about older child adoption. These kids have led traumatic lives and missed much of their childhood. They may need to be parented differently then the children you parented before.

Joining a foster/adopt parent organization can also be helpful. I know the KC metro area has a good one(MFCAA).