[kmalay]

Hello everyone

I hope you don't mind me jumping in here, but we are actually from IL, but have been chosen to adopt a sib group from Missouri. We are so excited, but we have been told it will be a while because the TPR has not been done. They are in the process now and the Prel. Trial is in July. Can anyone tell me how the judges are about this and at the actual hearing to they usually make a decision or do the continue them for ever like they do here in IL. Anything else that I should be aware of? Thanks for any help or guidance you can give us.

[lucyjoy]

It depends. If the parents aren't involved, sometimes the court is simply waiting for an adoptive family to be identified before doing TPR as they don't like to live children parentless. Also, in some cases, the bparents will voluntarily sign TPR if a family has been identified that is willing to keep their kids together.

If the parents are involved and fighting, TPR can drag out. MO is one of the better states for ICPC so that wait should be less.

Workers very. I've gotten fabulous, detailed records from some workers and lousy ones from others. I have found MO easy to work with on most issues.

Congratulations and good luck on getting things moving.

[kmalay]

Thanks. The caseworker has been simply wonderful. She is getting the records ready for us now and she has told us there are a ton. So I am presuming that is a really good sign. We are hoping that the parents sign the TPR, but if they don't I know mom will fight it. She seems to want what is best for the boys though so hopefully once she knows about us and maybe meets us she will be alright. Glad to hear that MO is so well thought of though. It relieves my mind a bit.

[Mackenzie]

Having a good adoption worker is a real plus when it comes to TPR. Our worker was wonderful but our daughter was with the city DFS and we were through the county. In our case, the city DFS kept changing her worker and the paper work for TPR was thrown out of court the first time or two because it was not completed properly. What should have taken 6 months took a year.

Our daughter was in foster care for 7 years but DFS knew her parents were still in the area but didn't know where. Before TPR could happen our lawyer had to actively search for the parents to have them relinquish their rights which they both did. This took about 3 months for us. It was a process that should not have been drug out the way it was and it was stressful for our daughter who was then 12 going on 13. She was fearful that her parents would not give up their rights and also scared that they would even though they had not been actively in her life for some time. She actually went through a mourning period after the adoption was finalized according to her therapist which she said was quite normal to mourn the family she had lost.

In order to finally get the paper work done correctly, I became a nusiance by phoning her case manager every week to make sure she was doing what she told me she was doing. Not the way I would have liked to do things but it worked.
Good luck.

[kmalay]

Thanks and sorry it was such a long road for you. Fortunately we already had the JV and the TPR Pretrial dates set and this team really seems to know their stuff so hopefully we won't be facing those delays. You can bet though that I will be staying on top of it all.

[lucyjoy]

Kmalay.
How are things going with your adoption? We finally had our TC hearing on my "respite" child. It went pretty smooth. There are a few things we have to get answered before the final in six months. Are you still stalled by the no tpr judge?

[kmalay]

Thanks for thinking of us Lucyjoy! The pretrial was July 17th and the judge ordered mediation. This was discussed with the birthmom a few days before by the adoption worker, therapist and attorneys. She was at least thinking about it so when the judge ordered it, it was not a surprise to her. Dad is another issue entirely, but we will deal with that. Anyway so basically what will happen now is we will be visiting MO to meet the parents and talk to them about possibly reliquishing parental rights. We are waiting to find out when. If that does not work then the hearing is Nov 18 and 19th. Who knows how that will go. I will let you know if I hear anymore.

[lucyjoy]

It seems so strange that the parents will come to all these meetings, court and mediation yet not work their plan to get their kids back. My kids parents didn't even bother to come to meetings. It all sounds very exciting and very stressful for you.
Will you get to meet the boys foster parents and therapists while your here if the mediation goes well?

[kmalay]

Lucyjoy,

I think they try to make things look good, but don't want the long term commitments. Mom actually has done part of what she is suppose to do, most of it is she can't keep the boys safe and refuses to give up the boyfriend who is still a minor at this point but also is one of those who hurt the boys. As to meeting everyone when we are there, We may meet the foster family, but doubtful on the boys because first off we all agreed that until rights were terminated we didn't want to but the boys through the possiblity of getting excited and it not happening and secondly I doubt dad will agree. It is just a fact of life. Hopefully though if Mom does agree then we can start moving forward between then and the hearing date. Dad really doesn't stand a chance in court.

[lucyjoy]

Ah, the boyfriend. I can't imagine choosing a man over my kids.
I hope for the boys sake(and yours) that this doesn't get dragged out and everyone will think about the kids. If mom hasn't changed her mind about the boyfriend by now, she isn't going to. Feeling like you're on that up and down roller coaster?

[kmalay]

LOL most definitely and the real fun part is the hurry up and wait parts. Mediation was ordered two weeks ago and we still haven't been contacted as to the proposed date and we are the ones that have to make arrangements for hotels and such. What are you going to do though because you are at their mercy. It seems like for every step forward there are more and more stop signs. As to the boyfriend she is definitely not going to give him up. It has caused major problems and she has said the kids come before him, but then she gets busted with him again so it is obvious she won't. She is also still seeing dad who is not suppose to see the kids either and she will try to sneak visits with the kids for him and she has gotten busted then too so know her visits have to be surpervised theraputic visits. The real sad thing is the ones really effected by this are the boys and it has officially been two years now for them in the system.

[kmalay]

Lucyjoy we are heading your way Aug 18th. They have split the meetings up so we will meet with each one individually. AMEN!!!! Now I just need to fine a decent hotel by the Bank of America Building that is reasonable. Any suggestions?

[lucyjoy]

Let me check and see if that's the buidling I think it is and I'll get back to you.

[kmalay]

Thanks Lucyjoy

I found out that the Bank of America Building is the Family Court Resource Services and most likely the Family Court Division location. Hope that helps and I appreciate any help you can give me. I just don't want to wind up in a terrible area or some dive. I made that mistake last week in WV.

[lucyjoy]

I'm never paid attention to the buildings, but Bank of America doesn't stick out. I'm thinking the resource building is down by the courthouse. You don't really want to stay to close to there.
Did they give you an address? The only Bank of America building I can think of is on the plaza which is not a bad area, but not by the court.