[Leslie12]

Hi everyone!

My husband and I have made the decision to adopt, and Colombia makes the most sense for us because he's Colombian. However, the wait time for infants and toddlers is long - upwards of two years. I've heard that this is mainly due to Colombia's strong domestic adoption program, which successfully places the majority of its younger children with families in Colombia.

Because we want to help where we're most needed, we're considering adopting an older child or sibling group (one that we're interested in in particular is a boy and girl, 9 and 10 years old). We are relatively young (30 and 32) and have no children, thus no parenting experience. It seems like it would be really difficult to jump straight into parenting an older child. Also, I would think that most older children come with a lot more baggage (naturally), and we're not sure whether we can handle that.

Has anyone here adopted an older child or sibling group? How did your children (and you) adjust? Would you recommend it to others? Obviously it's a personal decision and one that ultimately only my husband and I can make, but we'd like to hear about others' experiences.

Are we absolutely crazy?

Thanks,
Leslie

[mommytoEli]

we adopted 2 older kids...not from Colombia, so I can only speak from the parenting older children aspect. We 25 and 26. We had been married ONE YEAR. YIKES! WHen we decided to foster 2 kids girl, age 8, and her brother, age 9. Talk about insta-family!!!! It was only suposed to be for 1 month....but it has now been 4 1/2 years and they are adopted. the big things were....not had we NEVER parented before, but they had lived many places, but none of them my house so...they had to learn to adjust to me and dh, our house, our rules, what we ate, what we watched, what we listened to, what we did for fun...it was alot, they were also missing much of the social norms you would expect and 8 and 9 year old to have- they didn't say hello or goodbye to people, never a thank you, they didn't know how to take care of themselves-washt heir hair, etc....they couldn't use silverware, they ate like animals....when the meal was done, half was in their hair or on the floor. NOT ONLY WERE WE PARENTING THEM...which was hard enough, but we were RE-parenting them....and learning ourselves as we went along.

of course, you then have to think about attachment issues and for you, a language barrier...you may speak Spanish....but will the school? Will the neighborhood friends? it is a bunch of adjustments.

not to totally discourage you, though. there are many benefits to adopting older children. you just have to be ready. there will be a transition period, or a honeymoon stage, followed by a war , and then hopefully things will even out....until they are teenagers j/k.

anyway...feel free to pm me if you want to talk about older children, here are also a few links on a.com you may find interesting:

http://forums.adoption.com/older-child-adoption/
http://forums.adoption.com/parenting/

also...over on the guatemala forum:
http://forums.adoption.com/guatemala-adoption/

you will find an active group of parents...there are several families i can think of who have adopted older children from Guatemala....so you may want to post this question over there and ask how the transition was into school, etc.

oh, and p.s.-
yes, you are crazy. most of us are.....trust me.....it will come in handy later.

[Leslie12]

Thanks so much for the information - VERY helpful!

[NMmama]

Hi! We adopted our daughter three years ago when she was 10. She is from Nicaragua. I will agree that it is wonderful and the hardest thing I have ever done at the same time. We are in family therapy for attachment issues and that is helping a lot.

I also have a bio-son, and I will tell you that it is hard in different ways than having a baby, but not harder. I didn't have any sleep deprivation with my daughter and I didn't have to deal with as many childcare issues. However, the bond takes WORK. If you are willing to put in the work, it is totally worth it.

I have to run, but if you have any more specific questions, I will check back later. Good luck!

[DrLaura]

Leslie,
Is your husband a Colombian citizen? Can he claim dual citizenship if he doesn't already have it? Colombian's living abroad are treated as domestic adoptions. You would get the same priority as Colombian families living in Colombia. He will need a passport and cedula.

This is the situation we are in...my husband is Colombian also. You can also do a parent initiated adoption rather than go through an agency which will save you money, but requires you arrange a translator, facilitator and lawyer in Colombia. PM me if you have any questions and I'll see what I can answer.