[kittkatt31]

Linny,
Thanks for your sweet thoughts and concern. I am truly
sorry for the loss you and your family suffered. I feel bad for the
hurt and anger it must have caused in your life. I don't know
the circumstances surrounding your situation but, I can tell they
were complicated. I understand your disagreement with open
adoptions...you have every right to feel the way you feel. I have
to admit, when the adoption was still new and I still had the
option to change my mind, I thought about it. The adoptive
parents had already been spending quality time with Haylay
and the amom was really attached. She is a sweet, sweet
woman and I watched her with Hayley....watched her hold, kiss
and love my daughter. I watched as she cared for Hayley's
trech and how eager she was to learn everything she could to
help in Hayley's healing. Then, the jealousy began to set in.
"She's My Baby!", I told myself. I left the hospital that day(where
Hayley was) and went home and screamed and cried. I cried till
my eyes were swollen shut, nearly and I cursed life, myself and
her father for the pain and punishment my heart was taking.
The next day, I went back to the hospital and there sat Kathy
.....holding Hayley with a look of love that only a Mother has.
I knew then that I had made the right decision and a feeling of
peace came over me. I was going to tell her I changed my mind.
And I realized ........I can't do that...........
I would be cheating Haylay out of a wonderful life...a life full of
love, security and promise. And I couldn't hurt Kathy and her
family, either. I still feel jealous and angry for my own losses,
everyday. But, I know in my heart I made the right choice for
everyone involved. Mainly and most importantly....Hayley Dawn.
And Linny....your kind words and thoughts of my situation
is a confirmation to me personally, that I am a good mother still
and that I can stop beating myself up now.

Thank You Truly,
Diane Methvin (Hayleysmom)

[mckenna]

sorry if am intruding on a private thread, but i read what you said and i am so impressed by you and your mothering. it is so nice to read posts by birthmoms and get their feelings on adoption. sorry again for my intrusion but i just loved your post. good luck to you. i can tell from your post that your daughter is part of two wonderful families.