[Emmy132]

Hello,
These tips came from the ABC Adoptions.com site. Some helpful tips for adoptive parents. Watch for the signs and be careful. Do not jump to conclusions and try not to be overly suspicious and hurt honest people.

Birthmother Scams

1. Usually the motivation for birthmother scams are to take your money. She needs money for rent, food, etc. Only give money to a birthmother-to-be through an attorney or qualified adoption professional. The amount limits and circumstances vary by state law. Do not give money directly to a birthmother.

2. If the birthmother is not available by phone and wants to call you because of an on going situation, beware! You should have a contact number and complete physical address that you can verify.

3. A birthmother may not even be pregnant or could be pregnant and has other plans for the baby, including keeping the baby or promising the baby to several waiting adoptive parents. Look for those signs.

4. The birthmother has at least one or more crisis in her life and you are part of the solution. This can include sad stories such as rape and incest. Be sensitive, but do not be drawn into the whole situation.

5. The birthmother offers a plan to bring the baby to you. Birthmothers usually want you to meet her and arrange to receive the baby at the hospital. This ploy is used to get a plane ticket which can be cashed in later. Do not give anyone a plane ticket. Many adopting parents have lost money by purchasing a plane ticket and never hearing from the, supposed, birthmother again

5. The birthmother flakes out. She misses scheduled meetings with you or other professionals. With an unbelievable story she is convincing.

6. Proof or pregnancy or other documents are agreed upon, but never seem to arrive. She seems to always have a reason for not sending you identifying information or cannot believe that you have not received the information. A sudden miscarriage or hospitalization can happen when you request for too much information.

7. The birthmother does not want you to contact anyone else concerning her pregnancy. She does not feel comfortable meeting or talking with an attorney or other adoption professional. When pressed, she might accuse you of not trusting her and can even get angry.

8. The birthmother will not give you, but will get you the name of her doctor or clinic where she is receiving medical attention.

9. The birthmother will evade certain details regarding medical attention, signing parental rights, contacting social services or adoption professionals.

10. The birthmother changes her story about the pregnancy or her situation. If a birthmother is talking to several adoptive parents, her story can change because she cannot remember what she said to you.

11. Be careful if the birthmother is expecting twins. This is a popular situation with an adoption scam. In the natural course, ask for proof of pregnancy and how are you able to contact her doctor.

12. A favorite ploy is for someone to fix you up with a friend. That person might pose as an adoptive parent and not an adoption professional. Be careful that the friend is not the same person. If both have the same IP address watch out!

13. Fake birthmothers are very willing to match quickly and will say you are perfect, without knowing much about you. They are going to send you pictures and other thing, but never do.

14. They have always had complications with the pregnancy.....they usually claim when you cannot find them that they were at the emergency room.

15. The birthmother does not like or want to deal with an attorney or other adoption professional. She has had a bad experience with an attorney and does not want to work with them again.

Emmy

[Carolina Mommy]

Thanks!

I wish I had read this about a year and a half ago. We were quickly matched with a birthmother in November, she was due Dec. 27.

She had 7 other children which she had lost custody of in one way or another.

She claimed to have lost respect for the attorney ahe was working through, but found talking to me comforting.

She lost her money order she had bought with her December living expense money (supplied to the attorney by us) and asked for more money a couple of days before Christmas.

She then kept me on the phone long distance for hours at a time. One minute she thought we were great and the next she didn't know if she could go through with her adoption plan.

There were more red flags, but I kept right on counseling her and trying to make it work.

On December 26 she called to say she was going to the hospital on the 27 to be induced or for a C-section. I tied to get the name of the hospital and she said she really didn't know between two area ones which she would end up go to. She asked for me to wire her the January money and to make travel plans. I got really excited thinking it was going to work, but something told me not to wire the money. She called the next morning asking for the money and I said I was just going to bring it to the attorney since we were coming anyway. She got very angry that I had talked with the attorney and said she needed to think and hung up. She called back later and said she changed her mind.

We were on such a rollercoaster. Well, I say we, but she only wanted to talk to me.

I am trying not to make these mistakes again.

[dvcer]

This is what's so scary about independent adoption. Yikes!