[notadumbld]

My daughter is due the middle of March. SHe's 18 and knows she's not ready to be a mom. SHe and the father are still together but long term is iffy. Anyhow, she met a couple this past weekend who were exactly what she wanted for the baby - smart. educated, athletic, tall - much like herself. But the couple decided they didn't want to do a domestic adoption after all, preferring not to have any information about the bp, or the worry of contact later.

This was going to be a designated or identified adoption: my daughter would pick the ap, meet them once, and in the future she would have access to the follow-up information sent to the AA by the ap, and she could send letters to the child through the AA. There would be no direct contact unless the child, with his parents' blessing, initiated it.

Well, now we're starting over. Luckily, we have a good AA and are also working with a group called ZOE FOR LIFE, a group that is under the umbrella of the Orthodox Church of America but helps all birthmom in crisis, and Orthodox families go through the adoption process (usually internation adoption). They are helping match us with an Orthodox family which is our one REQUIREMENT. My daughter chose to give the child life, and now wants to give it a family and her faith. That's being the best Mom she can be under the circumstances. So if you're an Orthodox family (Greek, Russian, Antiochian, Ukrainian, etc) and already have your paperwork ready (we only have a month), by all means contact Zoe(they have a website) but otherwise, please don't inundate me with requests for information.

The reason for my posting is to ask prospective adoptive parents to please be sure in their minds what kind of arrangement they want BEFORE they start meeting bp. This is a frightening time for them and to have what they thought was a secure future snatched away is a complication they don't need. Your AA can speak to the bp's AA to make sure your ideas are in the same ballpark. Good luck to all of you!

[billysmommy]

Good Luck to you in your search for aparents...I did want to add though, that I know you must have been hurt by the decision these aparents made. At the same time, you can take comfort in the fact that they were honest in what type of situation they were interested in. It is better that they stepped away than if they did adopt this child, only to back away from the contact you desire after the adoption. I am an amom and I know firsthand how easy it is to get wrapped up in the emotions of a prospective adoption. A few months ago I was contacted by a PBmom ( we are not currently looking to adopt), and while my immediate reaction was " this must be a sign that it is time for us to add to our family", I searched in my heart and soul and knew that this was not a situation for us. I did not want to make promises that I could not keep, or that I did not feel comfortabel with. Follow your heart and you will find the perfect adoptive family. Good Luck

[notadumbld]

I'm glad they were honest, too, but they've been seeking to adopt for some time (I heard about them in July) so I'm just disappointed that they, with the help of their AA, weren't able to to make this kind of decision (domestic vs international) before they asked to be considered for this baby. My daughter and the father talked with me for months, and then with the AA social worker, to get a clear idea of what kind of adoption they wanted. This information was made available to these prospective parents three months ago before we ever received any information about them.

Like I said, if you're an adoptive parent, please discuss the options with your AA to see what you're comfortable with first so that you get matched with someone wanted the same kind of arrangement.

[Happy]

I applaud your daughter for wanting to pass on her faith to her child, even if she cannot do it herself. We are a Roman Catholic family looking to do a special needs adoption, and our faith is so important to us as well. It is heart warming to hear of your daughter's commitment. Truly your daughter is being the very best mother she can be. I hope she finds the orthodox family she seeks in time. I wish you all the very best.
Happy

[ISW]

I'm so sorry this couple changed their mind.


Good luck!

I. Weiske

[notadumbld]

It definitely wasn't my idea to try and advertize my daughter's baby on this forum. Mainly wanted ap to be aware of how this couple's decision affected my daughter, and to ask you to be sure of your wants and needs before entering into a relationship with a birthmom. I figured people would ask to be considered which ios the only reason I put the info about Zoe for Like in the posting, since it is a very worthwhile organization for Orthodox couples. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I won't be posting anything else at this website.

[dvcer]

Momto1, what is your deal!? I didn't get the impression she was soliciting at all. She's just as entitled to share her experiences as we are. And frankly, after thinking about this, so what if she WAS putting the requirements for a bfamily out there? The requirement didn't include money. Sometimes situations get "advertised" on the web-- if you haven't seen these, you're a bit sheltered.

I'm sure you're gone by this time, but I want to say I'm sorry and I hope you'll stay around, notadumbld.

[dvcer]

oh. my bad. sorry.

[irvy]

I think if you had looked and had seen that she was new to the forum you could have stated the rules in a much more polite fashion. I hate that someone will now not have the support that can come from this forum because their first experience they were blasted. I think if you read her post the only reason she was posting that information was so that she wouldn't get a bunch of e-mails from adoptive parents and encouraging them to go through proper channels.

People please be kind and considerate of other's feelings when posting because for all of us involved in adoption, no matter the situation, have our feelings so raw and sensitive that we need to take extra care. I'm not saying that you can't have your own opinion but be careful that in the interest of stating your own opinion that you don't trample over someone else's feelings.

I'll probably be blasted for this post but I can take it in this instance.

Good luck to all in whatever way you are touched by adoption.

[nene1296]

i think the important thing we should take away from this thread is, someone needed to express herself, we all do that is why we come here. i agree with irvy, i didn't get the impression that the original poster was coming here to solicite. it is just a sad thing that she has decided not to come back here. i hope she changes her mind as most of us understand her reasoning for posting a message! i pray that she and her family find the adoptive family they are looking for. it is all about the children in the end

[dvcer]

Ok, girls, I think the point was made.