[ready2start]

We are looking to start the process of adopting an infant. We have been married 12 years and have a fairly limited income, in spite of the fact that we are VERY well-educated and have worked very hard for a number of years. We would appreciate any advice we can get about how to get started.

[DianeS]

It's my belief that the first thing people who want to become parents should do is sit down and decide what "type" of child they could best parent.

Almost everybody believes they could parent a child who arrives as a healthy newborn and has the same racial and ethnic heritage they themselves have. But, that usually limits the field quite a bit. The more you can be flexible on any of those, the more chances there will be to adopt a child.

First, you can start by examining what you mean by "infant". Does it have to be newborn? Straight from the hospital? Or could the infant be as old as 4 months--6 months--10 months?

And consider race--does the child's race and ethnic background matter to you or your family? Does it matter to your local schools, church, neighborhood, or group of friends? Are there any barriers to you adopting a child of a different race?

What about known health issues? Could you parent a child with a physical deformity? (Anything from cleft lip to a missing limb) What about an illness? (anything from asthma to HIV, contageous or not, life-limiting or not) What about a learning disability? What about mental problems? What about a child who had been abused?

What about UNknown health issues? Could you parent a child with a genetic predisposition to any of the health issues you considered above? What about a child whose family health history is completely unknown?

What kind of relationship would you want your child to have with his/her birth family? Complete openness--where they know each other all their lives and exchange information throughout, Partial openness--where they know OF each other, and some information, questions, and pictures can pass through an intermediary, or No openness at all--you may not even meet them, child will have no information other than what was available at the time the parents surrendered their rights. Or some combination of those?

How permanent do you want the plans to be the first time you meet the child? Do you want the adoption final the week you meet the child? Do you want the support of a worker in the first months the child is home? Are you willing to risk having a child removed from your home?

Lastly, how important is the cost? If you absolutely had to, could you scrape up several thousand dollars in the next year or two? Or is that an impossibility?

Once you have your list of things you could best deal with in a child, you can take that list and compare it to the types of children available through different routes of adoption. Search the internet for any reading--read all the archived questions and answers on these boards. Call all the agencies in your area and ask for information packets on the types of adoption they handle. Attend orientation sessions at different agencies, and see which handles the adoption of the type of child you're looking for. It will be an overload of information at first, but it will slowly sort itself out and the road you're most comfortable with will be made clear.

Good luck!

[ready2start]

Thanks for the info. I believe it is a good idea to get the opinion of someone who has been through this, rather than just people who wish to facilitate adoptions (and are usually biased). I think race and ethnicity are relatively unimportant to us, but cost and mental impairments are significant factors. Still deciding on most otf the other things.

[34andhopeful]

Well, I will tell you that healthy infant adoptions are VERY expensive regardless of race. We just adopted a healthy infant boy (1/4 white, 3/4 black) mom never smoked or drank, only asked for $1000 in living expenses - and we spent about 20K dollars - we did pay a facilitator - but most of the money went to the lawyers! Good luck in your quest and I wish you the best. I do suggest that you start your home study as soon as possible, your social worker can help you work through what ever anxieties you have. By the way, we were approved Nov 1 and we took our som home on the 23rd of Jan.

[Anne5]

What we did first was to discuss the age we wanted... then it was the research phase. I called every agency and every possible place I could talk to get references to more agency that would be open to us for adopting an infant. I was surprised that there are many here in our state that work with bmothers although this doesn't guarantee a healthy infant you can talk to the agency about not wanting a child that has severe impairment... the caveat is if you are working with a bmother and she has had good prenatal care are you willing to take the chance that maybe the tests and sonagrams have missed something. This is the same risk a woman takes when carrying her own child so it's important to think about it. There are no guarantees. But we are looking at getting as healthy a child as we can and willing to take that risk. (although don't let me jump ahead here we are still in the phase for getting a home study done).

As for the fees... there are ways to get financial help with adoptions. And I'm here to tell you that we are only going to be paying over 10k for our services (and I've heard we could have done it less expensive if we had pursued a homestudy through our county and taken after adoption services through the county as well) and this agency works with bmoms who are educated and healthy more than not. Don't let anyone tell you you cannot find adoption services reasonably... go and find out what is available in your state, city, county. You don't have to go through the agency for all services. Check it all out before you get going on a homestudy.
Ask questions of others who may have financed their adoption and how they did it.

Good luck and Godspeed!

[terri34608]

Could you tell me who you went through for your adoption??

[Anne5]

We are just beginning (I thought I said that but in case I didn't).
I'm a bit uncomfortable at this point going into the details of who but we are in AZ and I did a search and there are agencies on the internet... If you look in the directory you will find a few (some christian or religion specific and a few not connected to religion or faith) that fit what I'm talking about.

[bails2000]

My husband and I are in the process of adopting. We researched different agencies and ended up going with Gladney Center for Adoptions. I would highly recommend them. They have walked us through the process. Yes, it's very expensive ($20,000) for us but we have put the money together by using some savings, income tax refunds, and financing the balance. We are going to pay off the financing by using the tax credit of $10,000 for next year's return. Hint* If you have a 401K, your company may allow you to borrow up to 50% of your balance for this cost. Our company did and it turned out we get 5 years to pay it back at 5% interest. If you would like more info check out www.adoptionsbygladney.com. Good luck!

[SueSLP]

If you don't have any money (and we didn't) you can try through your local agencies. It takes a while, but if you make good contacts (as we did) you can get lucky. Usually the kids are "freed" for adoption by age 1. That means that reunification with parents has been tried etc. You can sometimes do "concurrent" planning through local agencies and have the baby from birth but it comes with some risk. We are near the end of the "journey" now but have had a bumpy ride getting our soon to be daughter. Good luck. Susannah

[Support2Adopt]

In regards to the cost of infant adoptions, they can vary. I have known people to adopt healthy babies for fees as little as a couple thousand dollars and I have seen people spend $50,000 in adoption fees. Also, there are agencies with sliding scale fees. The best thing is to really check around. JJ

[live2bhappy2003]

Readytostart,

There are a lot of us who are "very" educated, why you emphasized that in upper caps bugs me. Why don't you be a little humble about it? Even the birthmothers in most cases are "very" educated. You need to forget about your education and realize you're in very unchartered territory. I found that out the hard way, though I considered myself "very" educated.

Now, if you want a baby, and are open to children of color, then here are two suggestions: www.heavensentadopt.com; www.nurtureadopt.org

We did not adopt through either route, but I have heard nothing but incredible things about these two avenues in which you will find situations posted. Nurture adopt is a board in which various agencies post, most of which are good, but if budget is a concern, then Heaven Sent is the greatest. Sheila Davis is the owner of the networking service, and places babies at very low fees.