[Mrspit66]

I am just beside mysef. I don't know what to think. My husband and I were selected for placement of two brothers, 6 and 7. This was back in August. It took us two months to get the final disclosure paperwork on the boys with all their information. I had several questions, mostly about the older brother and I could never get their caseworker to answer my questions. Finally the Thursday a week before Christmas, she calls me and says that the older brother is having some behavior problems and they're not going to place him right now, but they're wanting to proceed with the adoption of the younger boy. Since our main concerns were regarding the older boy, we told the caseworker we WOULD take the younger boy. I don't remember exactly how she phrased it, but I was under the impression they weren't sure the older brother would ever be ready. So we're now set to go visit the younger brother next weekend, and he is to be placed with us around th 20th, a week after our visit.

Well, I called the foster parents today to try to get some ideas for Christmas gifts and how to decorate the room and they mention that older brother is doing much better. He'll be ready probably in about a month to join younger brother with us. My jaw nearly hit the floor. I didn't say anything to them, but that was not my understanding of what was going to happen at all. I tried to get ahold of my caseworker but won't be able to until tomorrow. So I don't know what's going to happen. I'm not saying we won't EVER take the older brother, but we do have some very serious concerns about him. We WILL NOT take him after only a month's time. So it may come down to taking both or none. I certainly hope not, but I know they don't like to separate siblings either. Whole point of my rambling is this just wasn't communicated to me, and I'm hoping it's just a misunderstanding on the part of the foster parents.

Anything like this happen to any of you??

Cathy

[lucyjoy]

Talk to the worker first. It may be the foster parents aren't being told everything. Their may have been a therapy recomendation they were not made aware of. It seems very odd to me that the older boy would still be in the foster home if his behavior problems were preventing his adoptive placement. That normally only happens if their moving one to a hospital placement or filing to split the kids living situations because they shouldn't be placed together. Those are the only circumstances I've seen this happen in.

[Mrspit66]

Older brother is currently in treatment center. Not sure when he'll be discharged. I know, I've got to wait it out until I talk to her, but I still probably won't get a lot of sleep tonight!

Cathy

[lucyjoy]

Sorry to hear that. I'm guessing the behaviors that prompted his placement in treatment are not issues your prepared to live with.
Don't let the worker wash over it like its nothing. Its better to walk out at the beginning than to disrupt later. Make sure they are very clear on their information. I hope you get the answers your looking for.

[Linny]

Lucyjoy is correct where my experiences have been as well. I think it's probably the foster parents misunderstanding. HOWEVER, if you have serious doubts about taking the older child at any time.....I would definately express this to the caseworker. I would not agree to taking the younger child, if they were making a stipulation that you HAD to take the older child, regardless of your feelings about his behavior.
Communication is KEY!

Sincerely,

Linny