[JanetM]

At the time of my son's birth the Aparents, whom I like very much, said that they would love it if I would put together a scrapbook of pictures of the bfather and I through the years which I am happy to do. I have posted elsewhere to get ideas of what other stuff to include and another adoptive mother suggested including a family tree. Now a few questions about the family tree...

1.) Would you as adoptive parents be uncomfortable if you saw your adopted child showing up in the bparents famly tree? I truly like our son's Aparents and I don't want to do anything to make them feel uncomfortable.

2.) The adoption is a semi-open adoption where first names only are exchanged (this is the agency's policy though I suspect down deep that the Aparents and I would be comfortable with an open adoption). I know for a fact that they know what my last name is since it was on the bassinet in the hospital and they saw it numerous times and is even in some of the pictures they sent me along with it being on the door to my room which we spent time together in. That being said I am perfectly comfortable with them knowing my last name and don't expect them to share the same with me. Since they already know my last name I'd really like to include last names in the family tree especially since some of the middle names are family names. Do you think this would be a bad thing to do? An alternative could be I include one with last names and one without. Then they could make the choice as to which one our son sees.


-JanetM
Birthmom to Andrew 9/17/02

[Stormy]

How wonderful an idea to put together a scrapbook! I would love to have a scrapbook of my son's birthfamily. As far as family trees go...I have wanted to have a family tree of my son's birthfamily so badly that i have thought of researching it myself. (I too learned his birthmothers last name because it was on the bassinet). I have tried to encourage his birthmother to contact us more, but she seems to want our relationship to be more closed than we do. But I have come to learn that as people who are pro-open adoption I lean way over to that side. I don't think your childs parnets would be upset with last names. I don't think they would mind you putting him under your name. But if you are worried about that maybe thinking of making it some way so that they are there too. I have said that in adoption you don't have a family tree you have a family grove. So maybe having two family trees, one filled out by you with your child on the bottom (between the two trees) and then another branch coming down from their tree for them to fill out.

Hope that helps some...Good luck

[janeliz]

I think it's a great idea. I'm wondering now if I can ask for one, too. : )

I don't see any reason why someone would be offended at the birthchild being in the birthfamily's family tree. After all, they asked for the info on you! They will use this as a tool to show that child (yours and theirs) just where he belongs in the world. It is true that he is in your family tree, acknowledging it validates it, but it is fact regardless.

I'd include the last names. That makes it authentic, and will also give that child a great sense that he is being told the whole truth, and that his adoption is not being treated like a big mystery.

After the adoption is finalized, if things are going well, those adoptive parents might well want to exchange identifying information and become more open with you. I think you are taking a really big step in that direction by making this scrapbook as special as you can.

Jane

[Moonchild_Mom]

Scrapbooks are wonderful!! Our daughter's BMom made one up for our daughter that included some wonderful photos of her and BDad growing up and together as well as photos of her family that included siblings, cousins, grandparents, and great grandparents. I don't really see a problem with adding your child to your family tree. Our daughter's great grandmother was fantastic. She didn't give us a detailed family tree but wrote down all the family history she had. It was a wonderful surprise to find out that our daughter's BGreat, great, grandmother had the very same first and middle name that we gave our daughter. We also later found out that BDad had an aunt on his father side with the same names also. How is that for a coincidence!! I will be overjoyed to share this information with our daughter as she grows up!!

Moonchild Mom

[Support2Adopt]

Janet, if you have any concerns about putting the baby on the family tree, how about just including some extra spots at the base of the tree and letting the Aparents decide if they want to include the baby or not. At the same time, with the extra spots, it leaves room open should down the road, you have anymore children, they can add them to the tree. I think last names are fine to include. JJ

[irvy]

I love the idea of there being two trees for the child. The biological tree and then the tree they were "grafted" in to. WoW that is powerful scripturally as well.

I so hope that our bmom is willing to do what you're doing. I want our child to have both heritages readily available.

I am a scrapbooker and I already have "family tree" pages ready for our book but I'm going to have to rethink how to do that so that we have them both represented.

What a wonderful gift you are giving to your child with that scrapbook. Can I make a suggestion? There is a wonderful book by Jamie Lee Curtis something like "Tell me about the Night I was Born" you might think of including something like that. Tell about your trip to the hospital, your feelings, even what the weather was like. Did you like your doctors and nurses? Who was there to help out? Was your labor easy or difficult? That "Night I was Born" (or day as the case may be) is one of those things that we as amoms can't give to our children.

Good luck and thanks again for giving me some more excitement to look forward to.

[Moonchild_Mom]

The idea of telling about the day the child was born is great! I was very fortunate to be in the delivery room with our BMom when our daughter was born. I took pictures of her in the early stages of labor and then the day after I have a lovely one of BMom holding her. It is in the front of our scrapbook and every pictures is captioned as to what was happening at that moment. (There were no actual delivery pictures!) With it is also a couple of pages describing what happened that day followed by a letter to our daughter from her BMom the night after we took her home to the hospital. If you don't have the AParents accompany you in the delivery room, you might want to have a friend or relative take a few photos of you during your hosptial stay. Our BMom treasures the pictures too (I gave her complete copies) and I think it will be very special for our daughter to look at them as she grows up.

I think anything you think is special or that you really want the child to know about you and your feelings surrounding it's birth and placement should go in the scrapbook.

Much luck!!!

Moonchild Mom

[sert]

I think it is a great idea! Do you get letters and pictures or are you able to talk to them on the phone? We have a very open relationship with our daughter's birthparents, so I'm not too sure what semi open means. I guess it means different things to different people. Anyway, I was asking because maybe you could just ask them. I know I would have no problem with your idea. I think maybe you could include pictures of you as a child in the scrapbook too. I've seen a picture of our daughter''s birthmother when she was a child, but I'd love to see more, and of her birthfather. She looks just like them...adorable. They are like familt to us.

[JanetM]

Thanks to all of you for your responses. I will include a letter about the day Andrew was born-great idea! Also regarding the family tree... actually yesterday I found the perfect solution-I found in a book about birthparents a poster that I'm going to order. The poster is called "An Adoptees Family Tree Poster" and apparently it shows both the birthfamily tree and the adoptive-family tree. I think this may the perfect way to avoid potentially bothering the Aparents. I will go ahead and include Andrew in our tree and I am going to go ahead and include our last names.



Peace,

[JORDANMODE]

Where did you find the tree mentioning both families ... if you can please providre information on how to order it thanks .. I would love to have one

Thanks . smiles