Hi, we are adoptive parents to two wonderful little girls. We had a great experience the first time, and a difficult one the second time around. I have my days where I am so sure that I want another baby, but then I remember the waiting & the agony of not knowing if the birthmom and bf will sign and I think am I crazy!!!!! I also am concerned that I will not be able to handle three kids. My second one is very WILD!!! When I tell people in our church, neighbors, and even my in laws that I want another one I get a lot of negative feed back. No one has told me anything positive about having three children. I hear a lot about one always being left out and how it is an all around negative experience, I am hearing this from parents and children who grew up with a family of 3 kids. Can anyone offer any suggestions?

[SuburbanMom]

We have two kids - ages 3 and 1 and are hoping to add a 3rd child around the time the baby turns 2. He is certainly our wild child, but we definitely want more kids. Think of it as multiplying the love in your family - more arms for hugs. It only adds 50% more work in parenting (when you went from 1 to 2 you added 100% more work!). There were 6 kids in my family, 5 in my DH's. We're uncertain whether we'll stop at 3, or go for the 4th. Either way, we look at it as more joy and more love to go around. Two just seems too small to us. (IF you get mad at your brother or sister, there's no one else to turn to!)

[Linny]

Bailey:
.......so I was saying to the caseworker back in 1980, that I wanted our family complete by the time we were 25yrs old. In 1982, we adopted our second baby (both were adopted overseas while we lived there)...and by golly, we were D-O-N-E!

But a funny thing happend between 25 and 35. Once I knew a friend who was fostering and I got to thinking about adoption. We couldn't afford adoption (at that time we thought so), we thought we were 'done' with babies, so we thought, let's adopt an older child. (This was a nightmarish adoption and the child now lives in residential and isn't safe to have in a traditional home....long story for another board).

Even THAT wasn't enough. After that child (he lived in our home for four years before residential), we adopted a sib group of two. After that...

we just finalized on our sixth.....a baby....private adoption (it really IS affordable), and believe it or not, we are awaiting to hear about the NEXT baby!

My grandmother once said to me, "Honey, why do you want more than one? (She had had a blended family of five children)....she added, "When you have a lot of children, you just worry about them sooo much all the time."

I got to thinkin'......."If I'm gonna worry about one......WHAT difference does it make how many more?????!!! Might as well worry about 10 as one! Right??????

So, to answer your question (and I hope I made you smile already).......adopt the third. Our second was a difficult baby to say the least....but here we are. Our first older adoption was horrible to say the least, and I thought we'd never adopt again......it was truly a nightmare.....but here we are!

You never know. And if you were to have given birth....you'd never know either (difficult baby or easy baby). If you love children.....jump in. There is need..... and if it seems your calling.......the water is......warm and crowded with other folks who are just as crazy as you and me!!!!!!!!!

........................................by the way.....my husband and I will be 46 yrs old next spring!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Linny

[Sabs]

All parents go through this after their second child, I think! I mean, if you know you don't want an only child, you have 2. Then you think, well, we have our 2...should we stop or have more? Having a third was the most difficult decision I've ever had to make!
We did have a 3rd, and lemme tell ya, she is the most difficult child (out of our now-4!) She is a real handful, plus. But WOW! She's brought so much sparkle to our lives! I cannot imagine life without her.
Just don't believe the people who say that the 3rd is the easiest. I think the third is the most difficult. You are outnumbered. And there's no truth to the myth that the 3rd has to "go with the flow" and is therefore more easygoing. That's just so not true!
Once you have the baby bug, though, it's hard to shake.

[skyangel]

Hi, I'm a bmom. an think if you can fully give time to all three. It's a good Idea. but as a bmom all we wont is to know that part of us you hold so dear Is getting lots of attintion, love an support from you not helping hands put the person we put that childs hands in to. As well as financially . not that money is a really big thing up agenst love. but lets face it kids are costly. they get sick an need things a lot. stop an look at the bleesing you have been given . not that you don't now. I've seen you mention god. in a few post so feel free to say make sure its god wonting this not you some times we step in an mess his plains up . put if you really pray for his will. you will see the answer what about the other familys out there looking to adpot where you once where. if you do i woud not go for a baby thats not the reason to wont a child to enjoy thr baby stage of life.when our son got older we all so wonted more then i rememberd my real limits. many people wont more once ther oldest is out of the baby stage.
i'm not saying its bad. just think of all the side's the kids,the time, the money an the birthparents of your little angels it would kill them to know there love one was missing out on your time.
may god help you open or close doors to make this a easy choice.
please email me id love to talk to you good luck sky angel secretsister@boxfrog.com

HI everyone thank you for your input. This is something that I pray about all the time, and I still don't have the answer. My husband will not do older child adoption and will not do international. He wants the assurance of the birthmom having prenatal care and to meet the birthparents. I have provided so much information to him about different avenues, but he will only do newborn. He also only wants one more, which I am agree for financial reasons. We are a single income military family. I know we have the love to give another child. It is discouraging to hear from other families that if they had to do it over again, they would not have 3 children. That sticking with two is the way to go. I also am very scared about just adopting. All the unknowns are frightening!!! We have discussed waiting another 3 years to do it, that way our youngest one will be 4 and maybe she will have calmed down by then!!

[SuburbanMom]

Bailey - I've only once ever heard the "wish we'd stopped at 2" and that was from someone who's third was born at 26weeks and weighed just over a pound. Quite a few of my friends are having their 3rd. My SIL Just had her 4th and I don't hear regrets. I'm curious what the complaints are from the people you've heard have regrets. Is it the middle child syndrome? Is it the expense or amount of work?

Hi, some of the comments I have are about middle child syndrome, my husband is middle child, and feels that he was always "overlooked" in his family. My father was also middle child. I see the way he is treated and how my husband is treated, it is not something I like. A fellow adoptive parent we know who is a school teacher says she sees alot of problems with students who are a middle child, and that it is unfair of us to have three. A friend of ours just had her third and says it is much harder than she thought it would be. One of the members of our church has three grown duaghters, and tells me all the time if she had to do it over again she would not have had three. Of course there are some thoughts of financial concern. There is a certain standard at which I feel my children should be raised and I worry we will not be able to meet that with another one. Plus the initial cost of doing the adoption is a worry. I can't get past though the feeling inside me everytime I see a baby or the thought of never having another one. I don't know if that feeling will go away with time or will it stay with me forever. We have agreed that we don't want to have anymore children after we turn 30 so we have three years to decide, but then I also worry about there being too much of an age difference between our first one and the last one. I am a worrier!!! Can you tell! I don't know how to get past this either. My family tells me I should be thankful for what I have. My husband tells me whatever I want is fine with him. I have prayed and feel I still can't get the answer I am looking for.

[SuburbanMom]

Thanks for the response. Keep praying and eventually your heart will lead you to the right answer for you. It may be another child, it may be that your family is complete. And please don't think that once you're over 30 you're too old! We used to say we were done by the time DH was 35. Now we're saying that maybe a couple years after that wouldn't be so bad. And that maybe when our kids are grown (and we'd be ancient by my old standards LOL!) we'll become foster parents. In the meantime, enjoy the time you have with your two kids!

[Support2Adopt]

Bailey, if in your heart you want a third child, then go for it! Also, who says you have to stop at 3? Four is a nice number. :-) JJ

[pgecco]

HI,
Just thought you would like to know that it is a well known fact that as a rule going from one to two children is the most dramatic change and that going from 2 to 3 is far less of an adjustment. Good luck! I hope you go for a third!