Question for those adopting through their state.

JoanneFromNYC · #1 10-21-2002, 09:02 PM

Have you ever gone to a "matching event"? We're going to one (a picnic type thing) this Saturday and I'm so NERVOUS!!! We're going to be face to face with about 25 children, all available for adoption. In MAPP they told us that some of thekids have been through this several times and may come up to you and say "Hi, will you adopt me?". I would just die if that happened!!
We went to a slide presentation last month and that was hard enough...but nw we're going to see living, breathing children and I'm going to want to adopt them all!! LOL!!
What are your thoughts on these events? Have you ever gone to one and were you matched through it?

dad2two · #2 10-25-2002, 11:48 AM

I have never been a perspective parent at such an event. However, I used to live across from a Childrens' home and have witnessed many of them. It always amazed me to see these little kids approaching adults and initiating conversations. For a while there, it concerned me that the kids would have a hard time "un-learning" this behavior once adopted. THEN a very good friend of ours (a doctor who does initial screening for kids who come into the system) was volunteering at one of these "parties" and met a 10 year old girl behind the scenes. They hit it off immediately, and this kid went on to become her daughter! They are now two of the happiest, well-adjusted ladies I know! God bless. I hope you'll let us know how it goes.

Peggy · #3 10-25-2002, 11:59 AM

I went to one of those picnics. I went to go just to meet people (Including the social workers, and other parents). There are not a lot of matches created at these events, but they can be very educational. Enjoy yourself!

JoanneFromNYC · #4 10-25-2002, 01:30 PM

Thanks so much for replying...it's tomorrow and I'm a nervous wreck!! LOL!!

mrschief252 · #5 10-25-2002, 01:44 PM

I have to say that I can completly understand what you are feeling. A few months ago before we started Mapp, my husband and I were invited to an "Adoption Party". A friend of the family had said it was like a home party. Basicly you go and you meet other people going through adoption and swap info.
I have to say, if anyone has ever attended one of these events, it is quite different! lol We walked into a place that had about 50-75 children and a ton of people !! I was completly shell shocked and we didn't know what to think. Then someone came up to us apparently seeing that I was frozen to the floor and said go take a look around and let us know if you develop a particular interest in any of the children and we will get you in touch with their social worker. My husband and I felt like we were at the pound! I do have to say though, if you can get over the sadness of it and the feeling of wanting to help every last child, you can get a lot of good insights on the type of child you would like, or maybe find your future child. The basis behind the party is good. We recieved a ton of knowlage and made some contacts, and last but certainly not least, we developed a sense of reality. These children are not just pages in a M.A.R.E manual.
My advise is to try and see the good in the event and have a great time. You just never know what or who you might gain from the event.
Best wishes ,
Sher (sorry this is so long, I just had to tell the story lol )

JoanneFromNYC · #6 10-25-2002, 06:01 PM

Thank you so much for that story....I do have mixed feelings but we definitley going. I really appreciate the replies, it helps to know that other people feel like you do.

Here's to tomorrow!

mrschief252 · #7 10-27-2002, 05:32 PM

Hello,
How did your matching meeting go? Hopefully it went well

JoanneFromNYC · #8 10-29-2002, 08:09 AM

Hi! It was better than I expected. I wasn't as nervous as I thought i would be. There were about 30 kids and about 30-40 adults. I saw some people from my MAPP class and my caseworker was there so at least there were some familiar faces.

We spent some time with 2 sisters (ages 5 & 7). They are in seperate foster homes right now but they are considering placing them together, which is what we want. We discussed what we can & can't handle with our worker a while back and they fit. I'm not getting my hopes up, although my husband is already. He's been talking about them a lot and was sad when we left. We brought my mom with us and she & the girls had a great time playing. LOL! The girls kept looking for her and I said to my husband that it would be funny if we did get to adopt them and when we take them home they say to us "Wait, I thought we were going to live with her". (meaning my mother). LOL!!
We also won one of the door prizes which was a plant centerpiece from the table.

bmom2trac · #9 10-29-2002, 08:52 AM

IF YOU TRULEY ARE INTERESTED IN ADOPTING, ESPECIALLY NOT NECESSARLY NEWBORNS, THEN WHY NOT BECOME FOSTER PARENTS??? THEY ARE IN GREAT NEED! IT'S VERY FULFILLING. AND EVEN A BETTER WAY TO SEE IF YOU REALLY HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO RAISE A STRANGER. IF YOU HAVE THE DESIRE FOR CHILDREN, THE SPACE AND THE SECURITY AND ARE VERY SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ADOPTION, I FEEL THIS IS ONE OF THE YOUR BEST SENARIO. IT GIVES YOU AND THE CHILD A REAL CHANCE TO "TEST THE WATER". A GOOD MATCH IS VITALLY IMPORTANT, LOVE ISN'T ALWAYS ENOUGH. WITH ALL THE FACTORS THAT COME WITH A CHILD, I FEEL IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO ALL CONCERNED NOT TO ASSUME, BUT TO REALLY TEST THE SITUATION. IT REALLY HELPED US TO TRUELY UNDERSTAND A CHILDS REAL ISSUES AND HELPED US TO MAKE AN EDUCATED DECISION FROM OUR HEAD AND OUR HEART. SHE IS 5 NOW AND OURS, FOREVER MORE.

mrschief252 · #10 10-29-2002, 02:37 PM

Joanne,
I am sooo happy to hear you had a good time. It sounds like you really hit it off with the two girls! Even more, it is great that your mom was with you, this way you get sort of an objective opion also

Have you already had your homestudy? If so then it seems like you would be considered seriously for the girls. Best of luck!!

Sher

JoanneFromNYC · #11 11-05-2002, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by bmom2trac
IF YOU TRULEY ARE INTERESTED IN ADOPTING, ESPECIALLY NOT NECESSARLY NEWBORNS, THEN WHY NOT BECOME FOSTER PARENTS??? THEY ARE IN GREAT NEED! IT'S VERY FULFILLING. AND EVEN A BETTER WAY TO SEE IF YOU REALLY HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO RAISE A STRANGER. IF YOU HAVE THE DESIRE FOR CHILDREN, THE SPACE AND THE SECURITY AND ARE VERY SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ADOPTION, I FEEL THIS IS ONE OF THE YOUR BEST SENARIO. IT GIVES YOU AND THE CHILD A REAL CHANCE TO "TEST THE WATER". A GOOD MATCH IS VITALLY IMPORTANT, LOVE ISN'T ALWAYS ENOUGH. WITH ALL THE FACTORS THAT COME WITH A CHILD, I FEEL IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO ALL CONCERNED NOT TO ASSUME, BUT TO REALLY TEST THE SITUATION. IT REALLY HELPED US TO TRUELY UNDERSTAND A CHILDS REAL ISSUES AND HELPED US TO MAKE AN EDUCATED DECISION FROM OUR HEAD AND OUR HEART. SHE IS 5 NOW AND OURS, FOREVER MORE.

Because it's our choice and it's not something we choose to do...THAT'S WHY!

JoanneFromNYC · #12 11-05-2002, 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by mrschief252
Joanne,
I am sooo happy to hear you had a good time. It sounds like you really hit it off with the two girls! Even more, it is great that your mom was with you, this way you get sort of an objective opion also Have you already had your homestudy? If so then it seems like you would be considered seriously for the girls. Best of luck!!

Sher

We're just about done with our hs...we have to have TB shots (ug!! I hate needles) and we have to fence in our pool. Our caseworker just told me that 3 kids wanted to come home with us after the picnic. It just breaks my heart. I'm trying to not get my hopes up until after oour hs is complete but my husband is...and so is my mother.

We'll see....

slikmom · #13 11-05-2002, 09:20 AM

I just have a thought I would like to share. It bothers me when people get into foster care because they are interested in adoption. Foster care was designed to be a temporary situation. When my husband and I went through our MAPP training we knew that we would not be able to let a child go back to birth parents. We knew that it was beyond our emotional ability to nurture a child for a time, and then be a part of the team to reunify the child with birth parents. I do realize that there is a severe need for foster parents. But if your heart is in the mindset of 'forever family', then I am concerned that the temporary design of foster care is not the right way to go. Granted, your home will be filled with the sounds of a child or children. But to be able to work together with case workers and birth parents for unification would be extremely difficult.
Just some thoughts I had to get off my chest.
Heather

mrschief252 · #14 11-05-2002, 09:46 AM

Hi Heather,
I can understand your concearn and know exactly how you feel. My husband and I used to share that opion. What changed our mind, is if we don't help these kids, who will? At least you have a chance to change their lives or give them some stability while they are with you. Also, i don't know about other states, but in our region of MA, out of 21 or so infants, only 3 went back home. We are not nieve, if we have to loose a child it will be very difficult, but we will simply try again. This road is not for everyone and if I loose a child to reunification, my attitude might change, but for now it just feels right

Best of luck!
Sher

JoanneFromNYC · #15 11-05-2002, 09:46 AM

Very well said slikmom!

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