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Originally Posted By Sue

Does anyone have any advice for how to handle when you receive a phone call that you are being considered and then it falls through? You know, you get excited when you get the call, then you put your guard up because you don't want to set yourself up for a downfall but you also want to have hope, then your down in the dumps when you get the call that she changed her mind, your happy for her but feel bad for yourself and wonder how many more times you can go on this roller coaster ride? I know that God is great and His timing is perfect but does anyone have any suggestions for handling the high times and low times?

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I wish I had the magic word for you. I have been where you are, and I have also felt the joy of an adoption being sucessful! Just know that the timing will be right. In the meantime do something special for yourself, because when that baby comes, you'll have no time for yourself and all the time to love that baby that you have yurned for! Best wishes!!

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Originally Posted By Holly

Hi Sue,

As I read your message one thought kept coming to my mind - You need to give yourself permission to get your hopes up and to feel bad when things don't work out. I know that sounds basic, but sometimes we miss it. For example, when we got the call that said we had been selected (and believe me there were many "fall-throughs" before that one), I went to work getting things ready. I did hesitate for a minute and then I said, what the heck? If this doesn't work out oh well. But I had to give myself permission to get excited and to decorate a nursery, etc. I can't tell you how much it helped me. I kept telling myself that even if I had been pregnant there are no guarantees.

I also tried to remember that I wanted "MY" child and that's why the ones that didn't work out fell through. It's not a perfect answer but it may help you lift your chin back up and renew your faith.

Hang in there! I promise this is all worth it. These ups and downs are the Lord's university to prepare you for what lay ahead.

Best wishes,

Holly

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Originally Posted By Melissa

I just wanted to say thank you for that message. My husband and I JUST started the adoption process. We haven't done any homestudy or workshops or anything. We are just waiting to start.But we are constantly dreaming and talking about it and I am so excited that we have made the decsion to adopt. I am so happy about it inside but I don't want to allow myself to get my hopes up for fear of the downside. But your words make sense to me, and I have decided to put my life in God's hands and know that his timing is perfect.
Thanks and I will continue to "celebrate" and look to the future!!
God bless!

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Originally Posted By Holly

Hi Melissa,

I'm glad something I said was helpful. Recognizing the Lord's hand will be ever so helpful to you - I had a hard time with the difference between "my timeline" and "his timeline" during our process! LOL I always told my husband that I knew the Lord was teaching me patience, I just wanted him to hurry it up!

As you are just gettting started - may I share a GREAT resource? It's found at http://www.HopeToAdopt.com. It is really worth a visit. )

Take care,

Holly

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Originally Posted By Sue

Wow, your words were very uplifting and inspiring. I can't thank you enough. It made such sense!!! God is great and I feel the same as you about teaching patience. LOL!

Thank you again and God Bless!!!

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Originally Posted By Reign

Yes, I can share your feelings as it relates to riding on a emotional roller coaster. Yet, I can't help but think the real goal here is to make sure a child is placed in the right home. A "best fit" is what we all want for any adoptee and his/her new family. So, keep the faith and just know...when it is right, you will being your new set of sleepness nights and smiles of joy. Relax it will happen soon.

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Originally Posted By Kate

My husband and I have been up and down the emotional roller coaster a couple of times ourselves. One mom deciding to keep her baby. Although it was a disappointment for us, it makes it easier knowing the baby will be loved by it's mom. I try to keep in mind that, as in pregnancy, adoption has it's share of problems and risks. With pregnancy you have the chance of miscarraige, stillbirth, etc. So, to me if a birthmother chooses to keep her child at least the child is alive and healthy and loved. It never gets easy, but we just keep the faith that there will be another time and it will be the right one!

Personally, I find that just keeping busy is the key to getting through this time. The less time I have to sit and think about my sadness the worst it gets so I stay as busy as I can. I also read alot of adoption material and find that there are a lot of articles by people that have had several birthmothers change thier minds. It helps me to read about these people and see that after all the ups and downs of the waiting period they have the miracle they were waiting for. And they all seem to say the same thing,,,they'd do it again in a heartbeat even with the ups and downs. This gives me the strength to keep the faith myself.

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Originally Posted By Rita

I feel for you we have had 6 fall threws now and my husband went to the war. I just keep hearing everybody said God will give you the right baby. That all I have to hold on to. I know how you feel. Sorry

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Originally Posted By Lexi

Thanks for the encouragement...I have been waiting for 7 months now and sometimes it gets hard to wait...But yes, God's timing, not ours...

Thanks again,

Lexi

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Originally Posted By For Rita

I'm so sorry for the hard time you must be going through. I'm sorry to hear about your husband having to go to the war and for the fall throughs. You are both in my prayers. I pray that God will give you the strength to get through each day. I also pray that you will feel the love that God has for you wrapping you in it and keeping you with Him all day. God bless you!!!

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Originally Posted By Melanie Doman

Hi there

I know exactly how you feel. Prior to my daughters adoption we went through the same emotional roller coaster. We were told that there was a baby for us and had made the necessary arrangements for the money to be paid to both the social worker and the hospital for the birth etc. Then two weeks before the baby was due the birth mother went into labour and the baby was still born. I cried and wept and went through all the stages of grief. I felt as if I had given birth to that baby. The next day our social worker call to tell us how sorry she was at our loss and that she had bill ready for payment. I totally freaked at her so started a lengthy battle over who was to pay what and how much. I managed to get my life back on track by joining a group of adoptive parents (those still waiting and those who already had children). I am now chairperson of this group and believe me when I tell you that for every adoptive couple out there waiting there is the perfect child for them. It was three years of waiting for that first baby and another two before my daughter was born, and she is so like my husband that people find it hard to believe that she is adopted. Have faith and patience and you will have your baby before you know it.