[Archive]

Originally Posted By kerry

hello this is kerry i have 2 nephews am in process of adopting. am finding it so difficult to think about keeping them after this last year! they have been with is before but this time its been a year. they have alot of behavioral problems and other issues. my husband is not supportive in getting educated and i am constantly blamed for "not being nice" which is not true, i am just having a tough time adjusting. these kids have destroyed things, hurt my own children, and done other things. my husband has gotten to the point he wont even talk to me about any of it and these are HIS sisters kids. i am about ready to walk out and think it looks better and better every day.
i told social worker about things going on but nothing happened. noone really cares at my church or other groups, telling me to just give them lots of love, which i have but it hasnt gotten us closer to adjustment and i am sick and tired of being blamed for all of it. i am nearly ready to insist they go. i dont want to do that but everywhere i reach out for help, i dont get any. i want to love these kids and help them. one is 14 and i want to see him grow into adulthood. but he has admitted to hurting his brother in a sort of sexual way and now my 4 yo daughter has accused him also. husband denies it and wont go talk to anyone about it. blames me says i am making it up can anyone tell me what to do?

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Melissa

kerry,
My husband and I adopted his sisters twin daughters when they were 9, they are now 13, and it has been TOUGH! We are finally getting them started with psychiatric care after being referred by behavioral services. In the meantime, I daily want to pull my hair out by the roots with the frustration. Have you had the kids evaluated for problems? Its the only thing that keeps me hanging in there some days..guess you could say the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. I have been told the girls will take all their anger out on me because I am the mother figure, and the girls are more than angry at their mom for all the past hurts and her giving them too us. So how do I cope in the meantime?
It would be great to have someone to talk to going through similar problems....you kerry...anyone?
mrstrem@yahoo.com
Melissa

[Archive]

Originally Posted By jamie

i know this is aliitle off the subject but was it easy for you to adopt your daughters?see im going to adopt my sistersinlaws baby (due in may)and i need some advice

[Archive]

Originally Posted By a parent 1217

make sure you lay down ground rules, let her know this child will call you mom,your husband dad, etc. let her know that if she becomes a bad influence on the child you will cut off visitation, etc. my husband and i are adopting his 2 second cousins, and they were removed from the home. it has been tough explaining to the grandparents why the bparents can't speak or see them. (because of lies, drugs,etc.)

[Kaylee]

I guess this is a little off of the subject too, but I have posted things in all the forums I know of and don't get any response, so maybe someone here can help me!?
My cousin has asked me to adopt her baby....this being her 4th child and she is single with three....she can't afford to have another. I agreed since I can't have kids of my own and am over joyed by this. I had the lawyer draw up child custody papers and she signed them and has agreed to sign any other papers I go ahead with such as adoption. She's been really good with this....I have gone to all doctor appts. with her.
I need to know what else I need to do from here!? The lawyer says there is nothing else he can do until the baby is actually here and he files a petition with the clerks office to have the birth certificate changed and the adoption started. Is there anything anyone can do to keep this from happening since it is private and we are family? I guess I'm just a little afraid bc I've not been through the adoption thing before and I really am looking forward to getting this baby! "In desperate need of advice on this"!!! By the way, I'm in North Carolina

Lisa

[numbr1dbcksfan]

As long at the father's rights are terminated...you should be good to go.
Good Luck!

[Happily5y]

Kerry get your kids out of the situation. Your children come first. Give the others "back", because it is not worth hurting your own children!

[Merdine]

Hi, i understand what you mean my name is merdine and i recived my sisters child when she was 2 days old and now i am in the process of getting full custdy of Angel, she is now 6 months old and my sister is back in jail and wanting to make contact with me and Angel while she is locked up but when she was on the streets she was no where to be found....so i am kinda trying to find someone who can help me or just let me know that i am not the only one dealing with a major PROBLEM!!!!! well i hope i can maybe chat with you about this i have so much i want to get off my cheast , but it seems that no one wants to listen to me......

Originally posted by Kaylee
I guess this is a little off of the subject too, but I have posted things in all the forums I know of and don't get any response, so maybe someone here can help me!?
My cousin has asked me to adopt her baby....this being her 4th child and she is single with three....she can't afford to have another. I agreed since I can't have kids of my own and am over joyed by this. I had the lawyer draw up child custody papers and she signed them and has agreed to sign any other papers I go ahead with such as adoption. She's been really good with this....I have gone to all doctor appts. with her.
I need to know what else I need to do from here!? The lawyer says there is nothing else he can do until the baby is actually here and he files a petition with the clerks office to have the birth certificate changed and the adoption started. Is there anything anyone can do to keep this from happening since it is private and we are family? I guess I'm just a little afraid bc I've not been through the adoption thing before and I really am looking forward to getting this baby! "In desperate need of advice on this"!!! By the way, I'm in North Carolina

Lisa

[roomformore]

If I were you I would have them removed from my home immediately-definately the one acting out sexually. The very thought of him hurting your 4 year old makes me sick. You HAVE to believe her. I would not care if my husband didnt believe or not like it. Your responsibility foremost is to your own children. Being sexually molested usually leads to poor self esteem and years of therapy. You just don't want to have you child go through that. TELL the social worker of the one siblings allegations so maybe they can place him away from the abusive older sibling. This older boy needs help. Protect your daughter!

[bromanchik]

Not addressing these alligations of sexual abuse is not only putting the children in your home at risk, but is also setting yourself up for being criminally indicted for neglect. This is a very serious situation. You could not only lose all the children to the foster care system, but you could go to jail. You need to talk to a social worker as soon as possible. Call a rape crisis center. They will know who you need to talk to. All these kids need help in dealing with this. Ignoring it will not make it go away.

Please PM me if you need help finding resources in your area.

[Happily5y]

In regards to Kerry...I now realize that she wrote that in 1999. I am new to this website...

As far as relative adoptions...if you have any questions or have any information, I am willing to listen. I am in the process of adopting my nephew and it is a mess. The father will not sign papers... long story.

[Sledge]

I don't want to sound heartless but if these kids are harming you and you bio kids/family physically and emotionally get rid of them. 14 is very old to try and change emotionally. When we adopted our ason (he was 6 at the time) the social worker told us not to move too fast trying to adopt, he advised us that not all families can adjust, and some adoptive kids won't or can't change from the lifestyle they grew up in for the majority of their life. Don't feel bad but if the kids are ruining your family they must go. Sorry but you must take care of your immidete family first, helping out other family members is a great offer but not at the expence or your immediate family.

[dixieshellm]

i just want to say i am in the same boat, what to do is the same question some of the same factors here would love to chat
michelle

Originally Posted by Archive

Originally Posted By Melissa

kerry,
My husband and I adopted his sisters twin daughters when they were 9, they are now 13, and it has been TOUGH! We are finally getting them started with psychiatric care after being referred by behavioral services. In the meantime, I daily want to pull my hair out by the roots with the frustration. Have you had the kids evaluated for problems? Its the only thing that keeps me hanging in there some days..guess you could say the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. I have been told the girls will take all their anger out on me because I am the mother figure, and the girls are more than angry at their mom for all the past hurts and her giving them too us. So how do I cope in the meantime?
It would be great to have someone to talk to going through similar problems....you kerry...anyone?
mrstrem@yahoo.com
Melissa

[dixieshellm]

would love to talk to someone about relative adoption myself

michelle

[Happily5y]

my e-mail address is Happilly5y@wmconnect.com