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Old 06-23-2013, 09:50 AM
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KAA2509 KAA2509 is offline
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Where is the line?

Hoping for some advice and guidance...

Emom and I have spoken once on the phone, and text a handful of times since the match about a month ago. She is very friendly, and open about her current legal issues. (she has 2 pending legal cases due to drugs). She is not honest about her current "occasional" drug use with me, (although, to her defense, I have not asked outright), and she is honest with the SW.

It has been about 10 days since we last text. We talked about DH and I flying to her state to visit as she requested, and if she still wanted that. She seemed excited about it, and even said she would schedule a dr appt while we were in town so we could attend. So I think everything is good between us.
I have sent her two cards, which the SW said she really liked, and she even text to say thank you, mentioning that is was nice to get them, especially before court.

Does anyone have any advice as to how often to initiate contact with the Emom? I want her to know that we are thinking of her, and hear about how she is feeling, if she needs anything, how she is emotionally, etc, but I also do not want her to feel like I am overbearing.

Thanks for any guidance you may have.
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Maria & Gene (CA)
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Old 06-23-2013, 10:47 AM
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becky becky is offline
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We had contact once a week. I would call and just ask how she was feeling if she was doing well if she needed anything. That seemed enough that she knew I cared about her well being, but it wasn't too much.
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Old 06-24-2013, 03:23 AM
dmariehill dmariehill is offline
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I let her initiate and dictate contact during the match. I wanted to be sure she didn't feel pressured by my reaching out. When I wanted an update and hadn't heard from her, I contacted the agency.

After a bit of weekly contact, LO's bmom decided she was getting too close to us and needed space. We went for several months just getting updates from the agency.

My personal opinion is that it's best to let the emom dictate contact.
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Old 06-24-2013, 10:27 PM
Beachy Beachy is offline
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I would agree with dmarie. As the PAP I would think about why I was calling? Is emom in an unsafe situation? I would connect with the agency and get updates via them.
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Old 06-27-2013, 07:18 AM
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KAA2509 KAA2509 is offline
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Thanks for your thoughts.
I still have not heard from her, but we are still planning our trip to meet her in a couple weeks. (again, per her request).
SW has been helpful in keeping me updated, and I am available to Emom if she needs/wants to talk, she has our number.
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