Adoption Forums®

Members List Photos Events Local Adoption Support Search Arcade Reviews Membership Upgrade
Welcome to the Forums.
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts.
Forum Categories

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-06-2012, 04:03 PM
Caligirl2012's Avatar
Caligirl2012 Caligirl2012 is offline
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 69
Total Points: 18,782.79
Donate
Ways that you explained to your little one they were adopted...

Hi all,

My dd is 5 months old and I am trying to figure out the bes ways to explain to her that she was adopted when that time comes. I want to start something as early as possible on a basic level so that she always knows this is a part of her special story. Any tips and age you think it should be started at?
Reply With Quote
Adoption Information
Domestic Adoption?
Virginia
Click here to visit Adoption Home Study Provider
If you live in the U.S. and are going to adopt, you will need an adoption home study. Click here to find a home study provider in your area. Get Started Today!
Adoption Home Study Provider
 

  #2  
Old 12-06-2012, 04:17 PM
Frosty_88's Avatar
Frosty_88 Frosty_88 is offline
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 138
Total Points: 19,919.27
Donate
I have heard of other aparents starting when the baby is an infant telling them their story. More to get you comfortable with telling it so when she is old enough to understand it will be easy for both of you and you are already comfortable telling it.

I think it is great you are planning on her knowing her story age appropriately from the moment she can understand. Way to go!
__________________
Adoptee in a closed adoption

Birthmom to an amazing little boy
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-06-2012, 04:36 PM
DrAmanda's Avatar
DrAmanda DrAmanda is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 823
Total Points: 81,385.94
Donate
We made a photo book of his pictures from his birth and surrounding time. He has always loved to look at pictures. Just like my bio-daughter sees pictures of my pregnancy, he will see pictures of himself with his bio-family and always know that is where his life started.
__________________
Married to my hubby for 11 years.
We are blessed with two amazing children (one biological dd and one adopted ds).

We waited only 55 days before we were matched with our son.
He was born and in our arms just 2.5 weeks later.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-06-2012, 07:47 PM
theLBs's Avatar
theLBs theLBs is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,639
Total Points: 53,494.73
Donate
Like frosty said...for me it's about getting myself comfortable with the telling so when he understands words there's no awkwardness. We wrote a bedtime story (made it on shutterfly with photos) that tells the story of the day he was born and me getting a text while in the drive thru at mcDonalds with his picture and the very special lady who cared for him for nine months who picked us to be his parents. Since we have an open adoption, whenever I hear from her I talk to him about it "Mama L--- wanted to know how much you weighed at your doctor visit." There's also a photo of her and his sister in his nursery. When we name people in the photos in his room, we name her, too.
__________________
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-06-2012, 08:27 PM
eagleswings216 eagleswings216 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,772
Total Points: 72,411.82
Donate
We also made a photo book of their story and started reading it to our kids when they were young. We also have some other story books that are more generic, like "A Mother for Choco" and we will talk about adoption in general. Our kids are almost 3, and it's really just been the last 6 months or so that they've started having some comprehension of adoption and what it means. I am glad that we started talking about it early, and using books helped get us comfortable with telling the story. Now when we see or hear something connected to adoption, we will mention it is passing so that it keeps the conversation out there. We don't make a huge deal of it, but try to bring it up from time to time so that it's something they always know about themselves.
__________________

Mom to twin boys, counselor, and overall busy person!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-06-2012, 08:56 PM
jalapeno's Avatar
jalapeno jalapeno is offline
Proud Mommy of Three
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,385
Total Points: 85,977.54
Donate
I just tell "little" stories whenever I think of it. Like how my kids got their names or how old they were when I first met them. I never met their birthmom but I think about her often - and I just share my thoughts out loud. Any number of things can trigger a memory for me and I just talk about that when it happens. As the kids have gotten older, they've asked questions that lead to longer conversations. The topic probably comes up one way or another every couple of weeks now and my kids are 6, 5, and 5. Kids just LOVE hearing stories about themselves. My DD is more interested in her adoption lately and will ask me questions out of the blue. I'm happy she considers it a topic that's perpetually open for discussion. That's what I was aiming for. My kids could have told you they were adopted long before they had any idea what that meant so I do think it's a great idea to start telling infants their story. It soaks in bit by bit.
Best wishes
__________________
DD: Born 4/06, Fost/Adopt, Home at 2 days old, Finalized at 17 months old
DS1: Born 5/07, Fost/Adopt, Bio Brother of DD, Home at 13 days old, Finalized at 9 months old
DS2: Born 9/07, Bio
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-07-2012, 09:05 AM
Waiting_on_God's Avatar
Waiting_on_God Waiting_on_God is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 238
Total Points: 71,585.53
Donate
As far as what to say, I think one thing I might tell DD is what her bmom told her bio-sis: "Some ladies can't have babies on their own, so God puts their baby in someone else's tummy. Judi couldn't have a baby on her own, so God put her baby in Mommy's tummy." Seriously, when Bmom told me that (during the beginning phase of her labor), I had some tears. She did too. What a sweet way to say it. But what meant the most to me is that Bmom herself said it. That makes me feel free to tell it that way to DD. I'm just passing it along.
__________________
Judi

Decided to adopt: 10/29/10----Homestudy approved: 5/20/11
Unsuccessful match: 11/18/11

July, 2012--"Smiley Girl" born and placed in our arms!!!
5.10.13 and 8.16.13--two losses: bio and adopt
April 30, 2014--Smiley's adoption FINALLY finalized!
8.9.14--adoption loss--mom changed mind after birth


Meekness is seeing God's dealings with me as good and therefore accepting them without resistance."
-D.L. Moody
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-07-2012, 09:55 AM
loveajax loveajax is offline
Senior Member

Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 8,597
Total Points: 488,719.35
Donate
I also "practiced" when DD was a baby by showing a "birth book" I put together from when she was born that shows her with her birth mom and dad, sister, etc. with us, with all of us...and then I put in the first days home with us. So I sort of told the "story" in chronological order. Also read kids adoption books to her, etc. That way it's always "known" and it just becomes part of the fabric of your lives and not an "uncomfortable" thing. Best wishes and enjoy that new baby!
Reply With Quote

  #9  
Old 12-07-2012, 10:52 AM
AMom2011's Avatar
AMom2011 AMom2011 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,568
Total Points: 45,050.89
Donate
my little guy is 18 month old, and smart as a wistle lol
we just talk about the day he came to us, right out of the hospital, how happy we were, how excited to have him, how SURPRISED Daddy was, who had NO IDEA our little man was coming,lol
so... we just talk about that, like 'good memories', and once he gets older, he will probably ask 'Mommy, tell me about the day I came to you'... and then we go from there....
I must say, I AM SCARED of the day I have to tell him he didn't come from my belly...... He only knows me as Mommy.... but, I hope that it will just happen naturally, while we talk...and as he gets older, I can answer his questions age appropriate.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-07-2012, 12:02 PM
NSB NSB is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,835
Total Points: 130,807.84
Donate
We have an awesome photo book that DS's birthmom gave us a month after she placed him with us. It has pictures of her and her whole family (including birthdad b/c they are still happily together) and lots of pics of her showing off her pg belly! So I can show DS, "Here is you when you were in [birth mom's] belly!" What was extra special and sweet was on the last page of the book is a pic of DH, our bio girls, and I holding DS in the hospital with caption "Here you are with your awesome new family." How amazing is she????
__________________
NSB
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 12-07-2012, 12:58 PM
Dickons Dickons is offline
Adoptee

Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,522
Total Points: 1,520,289.50
Donate
Quote:
Originally Posted by jalapeno
I just tell "little" stories whenever I think of it. Like how my kids got their names or how old they were when I first met them. I never met their birthmom but I think about her often - and I just share my thoughts out loud. Any number of things can trigger a memory for me and I just talk about that when it happens. As the kids have gotten older, they've asked questions that lead to longer conversations. The topic probably comes up one way or another every couple of weeks now and my kids are 6, 5, and 5. Kids just LOVE hearing stories about themselves. My DD is more interested in her adoption lately and will ask me questions out of the blue. I'm happy she considers it a topic that's perpetually open for discussion. That's what I was aiming for. My kids could have told you they were adopted long before they had any idea what that meant so I do think it's a great idea to start telling infants their story. It soaks in bit by bit.
Best wishes

Absolutely the best way to go about it...

Mom and dad always were open and told my story about how they came to adopt me because of XYZ.

Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy and EARLY like just repeating I'm so glad we adopted you and stories like jalapeno does. Honesty and the real reasons in my opinion is the only way...of course common sense applies in age appropriate details which must to be included as a disclaimer here...

If you don't do it before baby is old enough to comprehend and you are comfortable - you may end up having it too hard or not the right time and being like the parents of a brand new poster - she just found out looking while trying to find papers for college...

Kind regards,
Dickons
__________________
“Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Reply With Quote
Reply

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Points Per Thread View: 1.00
Points Per Thread: 15.00
Points Per Reply: 5.00


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:22 PM.