[smiles2012]

Okay, so Ive been chosen to adopt a baby that is due in 6 weeks! I am elated and reserved all at once...Im trying to remember that things could change, but everything seems really positive and is moving VERY fast.

I feel this overwhelming desire to prepare for a newborn mentally and realistically. I have been doing so much research on adoption and open adoption, but now all the paperwork is done and its just time to wait...

Where do I begin to prepare??...
Im nervous to buy things, but I feel like I should be doing something

I have been reading about open adoption, because that's what we both want, but she isnt sure "how open." I keep reading about "open adoption" but now feel I should be shifting to caring for a newborn...

suggestions?

[nortonbaby]

You will hear many different thoughts on this topic. Many of us on this forum have been through failed adoptions, so that makes many people cautious.

I did have a failed adoption, but then went on to adopt about 10 months later. Now we are also matched and "expecting" in May.

I like to be prepared. I like to have the basics. I would definitely recommend having a shower after the baby comes home.

But I know other adoptive moms that bought nothing, and stopped on the way home from the hospital for necessities.

Best wishes to you!

[theLBs]

I had to buy some things...but no need to go crazy as the baby won't use most of the stuff for a while, anyway. We also had a match where the parents decided to parent, by the. We brought our son home 5 weeks later...we had him in the room with us at first in a bassinet, so we didn't need the nursery set up for months. One thing we did was to ahead and register somewhere. It's hard to do after baby is home, and friends were wanting to give us a shower. We wouldn't allow them to do anything before we brought peanut home, so it was nice to have that done beforehand. Good luck to you!

[hertexas]

Hi smiles, congrats on your match! Such a hard question with like a bajillion right answers.

I am also matched and waiting for a baby to be born within the month. I have never gotten this far in the process so I have some wisdom, but not as much experience as those on the board who have held babies and then have had their match fail. I have lived with a very conservative approach for most of my journey so far. I focused on things that would help no matter when I met my child: classes, reading, chord blood banking research, bottle feeding options, baby wearing, babysitter and pediatrician interviews, etc. Up until this match, these tasks let me feel like I was preparing but also satisfied my logical brain that I was still being realistic. I also prepared a wish list on target.com for the essentials I would need in the event no one helped me when the baby came home. (not likely in my case, but knowing I could just press send and have things delivered helped me sleep better)

But.....I have found that the closer I get to this due date, the more I am bending my rules of " no baby stuff until I have a baby".


Here is my untested opion: If you have family and friends who will provide support, register, even if not completely. You can do a lot online and it is a good task to do when anxiety keeps you from sleeping. This is a good to have, but not a must have.

I have forbidden a shower until I return home with my baby. I did begin to accept gender neutral hand me downs from friends.

For this match, I have gotten as far as letting my brothers paint the nursery "khaki" with one wall a bright color that some would say is nursery-ish. I also let my crafty sister put a really cool tree on the wall. ( and I am still convinced that the room looks like a guest room - see how I am wavering? Or maybe goin a little cookoo)

After seeing a hotel crib (it was icky) over the holidays, I did research and bought a snuggle nest for our time in Ohio while we wait out ICPC. I also called dibs on my niece's nursery furniture that is still in her room. Very low pressure for me because I know it is there and I don't have to see it in my house or garage.

So, basically, I am getting excited and starting to do some things but waiting to party like rock stars until tpr signed, ICPC done and we return home.

Flip side: I have many friends who acted as if there would be no problems, decorated the nursery, had showers, monogrammed linens and even more. It looks weird as I type this out but I don't think I coul personally handle this much preparation. I do plan on being there for the baby from birth, even though the mom cannot surrender until 72 hours because I know I would regret it if I waited to show up. Hard to explain, I am saying no to linens and furniture and names but yes to loving and caring for a child before it is legally mine........man, one more reminder that we are all traveling journeys that words cannot adequately explain.

Wow! Hope you got something out of this post. I did intend to answer your question but clearly needed to talk tonight.......

Best wishes!

[Amber76]

With our first son, he was a baby born so I had about 24 hours between when I learned we were matched and when I left to get him. During that time, I bought a few onesies, sleepers, socks, and some bottles. That's about it. Then once I arrived in TX while waiting for the social worker to be able to meet me at the hospital (wouldn't you know another one of her emoms went into labor and delivery the exact time I arrived!), I went to Babies R Us and picked up the carseat, a bouncy seat (so baby could be in it in the bathroom while i showered lol) and a few other things. TPR was already signed at that point. I guess that's just to say that you don't NEED to buy much if anything before you travel to pick up baby.

With our second son, we were matched a month before he arrived. We bought a couple of outfits for him to come home in (although he ended up wearing what birthmom bought for him to come home) and not much else. We had a lot from brother, but we also knew a month was a long time to stare at stuff hoping baby would actually be ours.

Just my 2 cents worth.

[smiles2012]

Well, you all have confirmed that Im not insane...

I actually went out to look at baby things last weekend, and couldnt bare to buy a pair of socks! I think Ill feel better after we find out the sex and her mind still seems made up...or not.

I have a few classic cute little boy newborn clothes that were my brothers. I laid them out in the room that will be the nursery and it feels nice.

[NSB]

I had a few little clothes and a car seat. A pack of nb diapers and 2 or 3 little bottles and a case of formula.

It's so exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time. So excited for you! Here's to a very uneventful 6 weeks. What's the timeline for revocation/sign TPR where you are? For us it was 30 days, and you know what? It wasn't all that bad

[KLL08]

I've done both...
With our 1st we were matched and thought it would be a 1month wait...ended up being 1.5 weeks! lol I had picked up a few blankets, a couple outfits, and a heavy winter papoose thing, winter baby. A friend had given us a beautiful nursery from her daughter that I nannied for years and so it was all set up, another gave us a bassinet so she could sleep in our room. I roomed in with her firstmom and her at the hospital. We waited out the 10 revocation that turned into closer to 14 days. It went smoothly as much as any adoption could.

This time around we've had 2 failed adoptions. The first was a relative who is close in age to our daughter, he was "all boy" so I got rid of all kinds of furniture for safety reasons (glass table tops). We got S a big girl bed, moved her out of her crib so he could have it b/c he was still in one, arranged for him to join preschool with S, filled out my FMLA paperwork, hired atty. She announced on FB to the entire world she wasn't going to go through with it before telling us. It was awful. We were devastated and I had to see our home ready for him with our lack of furniture and no extra $ to replace it.
We then matched with #2 within a week, she was 19wks along. We went through the entire pregnancy, I refused to let myself buy anything until she went into preterm labor and we thought we were going to have a micropreemie on our hands. And then I went kinda crazy. Put the crib together, bought an insane amount of preemie clothes, a lovie, blankets, the whole nine yards. We had him for 2 days in NICU, named him, fed him, loved him... And now he's gone. I couldn't stand to live in our home, it was everywhere, every room had something of "his." We bought a house the within 2 months and I packed it all away. It still kills me to see my own daughter's crib packed away b/c he should be sleeping in it, or the huge green tubs in our garage with his clothes in it.

I say wait. I wish I would have.

[smiles2012]

I think Ive decided to wait, and my family and friends are having a shower after Baby is home and things are set.

I am going to take the advice about registering so that I dont have to do it later.

[LauraLiz]

I completely agree with the waiting. It will hurt no matte what if it doesn't happen, but it most likely will save you some heartache down the road. If it happens, then you will have the adrenaline to pull you through the crazed prep before sleeplessness sets in.


I would register though. Read reviews and have an idea for a carseat, etc. Another idea would be if you had someone close to you- family, friend, etc. that would hold onto a few basic items for you. If it's a go- then you call and they can take off the tags, wash and deliver. If it's not then they could have the receipt and do the returns for you. My mom is the one that had the formula, our bottles, a few sleep & plays, etc. just in case. I didn't want to come home and have all of that to remind me. She had it all in my house and ready for us before we got home- as "payment" she got to hold the baby first!

[smiles2012]

LauraLiz...Love your suggestions! My mom is going to be helping me and would definitely do this....

[vernellinnj]

Like Laurie I registered but told no one I was registered. My BFF went w me to register and it was a fun time. I received a call on a Wednesday and was told to pick up my son at the hospital the next day. I stopped at Babies R Us and bought some things from my registry..car seat, onsies, essentials kwim?

72 hours later (tpr signed) my BFF sent an email (I had given her in advance) to about 75 people most of whom had no idea I was adopting. She noted where I was registered. I received gifts by mail non stop for weeks.

Had a shower about 4 weeks later but honestly by that time most invitees had bought me a gift. It was a great day w girlfriends and baby boy, of course, was there!