[Miss.M]

We are looking to add a third child to our household. I am reading and researching like crazy about the 3 kid household. My husband is the middle child, but has an older and younger sister. I am from 8 kids.

What's the 3 kid household like for you?

[jalapeno]

Messy.

I can't imagine what an 8-child household must be like though.

Mine are all so close in age that I'm not sure whether my experience is all that close to a "typical" 3-child household.

I love having three though. There is always somebody to play with - even when one is having a cranky day. And on the flip side, each child is generally afforded alone time when they need it without being pestered to play this or that game. We all just fit on the couch for movie nights and DH and I both get to be "surrounded" by kids. My kids are good at sharing. Maybe with two we could manage to buy two of everything so each child could have their "own". No chance of that with three - they have to share. Life is hectic, stressful, entertaining, messy (did I mention that ), and beautiful.

There are logistical difficulties occasionally. Hotel rooms aren't usually designed to accommodate 5. We are very squished in my DH's car. I have an SUV and even that is a TIGHT squeeze when we travel. DH and I are outnumbered. Things like amusement park rides can be tricky if there are two seats across and each child must be accompanied by a parent. And pizza - pizzas are often in 8 slices . . . not easily divided by a 5 person family. LOL

[arkansas parent]

Our kids are spaced out in age. Our daughter is 15yrs (almost 16yrs) our oldest son is 9yrs and our youngest is 3.5yrs. Most of the time it is not the difficult, but it can be hard making sure they each get the attention they need.
We knew money would be a little tighter when we decided to adopt our third, but the past couple years it has been harder then we thought.

[Miss.M]

In terms of money, was that due to private adoption and having to borrow? I am doing government system adoption again (both boys came through our system). I am not 100% one way or the other yet, but should probably get 100% soon as we are already being courted to consider profiles. We almost said yes to a match last September, but had to decline for timing reasons.

Two is so easy, but I keep thinking that someone is missing. I just can't seem to get my mind on the side that it needs to be - and that side would be what is best for us all one way or the other.

The scales are up and down. My mind is never still long enough to hear what it needs to hear..

[Miss.M]

jalapeno, growing up in an 8 kid household in the early 70's there was not a lot of stuff. There was no money for stuff. When I was in grade 2 we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment above a grocery store. I shared a room with 4, two brothers slept in the living room and the baby slept with my parents. When I think about mess, there really was none. my mother was very much about tidy and clean and worked very hard to create a structured environment - she had to with all the kids. She also enlisted us all in the chores. It was a normal thing in our household, we didn't even question it. But we did not have a mother who baked, or read to us, or cuddled or hugged or kissed, or even had one minute of time for anyone. I was lucky as the eldest as I got her to myself for almost a year before the next one came along. That first year meant I had all the love and attention I needed. The youngest of us I remember him rocking in his bed to get himself to sleep at night because there was no one to do it. He's not the warmest person now at the age of 39. I could go on.

Thanks for your insight. I have a lot to think on and would love some other experiences if available.

[DPline]

Mine have a bit of an age span and then two basically the same age (6.5 months apart.) They are currently 13.5, 8.5, and 8.

From the purely practical standpoint, vehicle space is a big issue. Especially with three in car seats. And even now with 2 in car seats and one long, lanky teenager. And as mentioned above, hotel rooms are an issue. And rides. And restaurant tables. And ticket packages. And on and on. Most things are standardized around a family of four. All of course workable, but things that never would have occured to me back when we first went from 1 to 3.

With three of school age involved with sports and religious ed and of course having homework, it is a juggling act with two parents and three kids that need to be different places, often at the same time.

Not that I would change it, but it has been harder than I thought. And harder now with them older than having two toddlers and a young elementary school age. (Or maybe I am just having an overload week. )

[arkansas parent]

Originally Posted by Miss.M

In terms of money, was that due to private adoption and having to borrow?

We adopted from foster care so it didn't cost us anything. Just the day to day living expenses are more then we expected. We are making it fine, but struggle to save any money (we use to could put money into our saving every month)

[Miss.M]

Thank you everyone so much. This is really really helping. Any further experiences would be welcome.

[Jensboys]

I find three kids to be EXCEPTIONALLY quiet and I have no idea how to cook for only 3 kids anymore. 3 kids is EASY ... 6 however ....

Honestly, back when we had 3 kids, the biggest thing I noticed is that you jump from a "normal" sized family, to a "bigger" family. Restaurant tables are geared for 4, hotels have beds for 4. Like others have mentioned it is the automatic jump from a car to a van or SUV.

There are the usual things that people talk about with 3 (2 kids always jump on the 3rd) and I do agree with that. I think 4 kids evens things out a bit, and allows each child to have a sibling to play with. The kids always rotate through which is a "favorite" when there were 3 of them, but inevitably one was picked on or left out alot of the time.


Parenting wise, 3 kids DOES make things more intense for parents. You are out numbered -- even if one parent is getting alone time with one child, the other parent still has two. It is busier and really does catapult (at least when I remember back) a parent from still being able to have a fair amount of free time to not really having much.

Saying that -- the enormous blessing and GREAT joy each of our kids have brought us means that the cost is far, far out weighed by the joy. AND in Canada the child tax credit goes up significantly for child #3.

[Fran27]

I'm one of three... I agree about one being left out most of the time. It's not always a big deal though... but it can be. In my case it's a bit different because I'm a twin though.

Personally, I can't imagine having a third... two is expensive enough!

[ourdreamcametru]

I'm an only and DH has one sister 6 years younger, SO to me having more than one child seemed CRAZY! We have three kids but they are spaced well apart so it really never seemed like we had more than one. Our boys are 21 and 17 and our daughter is 7. We still all do things together often, all kids still live at home, and we love it!

[racingwife20]

I am one of seven (middle child) and currently have 3 kiddos. There's a big difference between having 2 kids and then adding that third. Mine are nearly 4, nearly 3 and 1. The biggest issue we have is sharing - which usually results in a toy timeout and the toy in question is put on the refrigerator or in the spare room. We went from a small SUV to a larger one (8 seater) that accomodates a variety of car seat configurations. Taking the kids out by myself can be a challenge, but it's doable, you just have to be able to adapt - sometimes on the fly!

I think as my kids get older and involved in more activities it will be crazy - and for the boys, it may be difficult if they are involved in the same activities or on the same team. Two of my sisters were close enough in age to me that we were on the same sports teams and involved in other school activities together. For the most part it was a lot of fun, but there were times when it was really difficult because our athletic abilities were varied.

[yehudit]

For us going from 2 kids to 3 was the difference between being able to hold it all together and me having to stay home full time. It's a change for us, but a good change.

Our house is nuts compared to houses with fewer children, but it's a lot of fun. What I noticed when the baby came was that my two older children pulled together and really bonded.

Good luck with your decision,

[Jensboys]

Originally Posted by yehudit

For us going from 2 kids to 3 was the difference between being able to hold it all together and me having to stay home full time. It's a change for us, but a good change.

Our house is nuts compared to houses with fewer children, but it's a lot of fun. What I noticed when the baby came was that my two older children pulled together and really bonded.

Good luck with your decision,

I wanted to agree with this. I think staying home became somewhat essential between child #3 and child #4. I look at people now with 2 kids and I wonder what on earth they do with all their free time and HOW QUIET their homes must be. Our house is always loud and busy and active and always someone to play with and someone to drive somewhere, and someone to actively parent. I thrive on it, and love it. I am sure I would be bored absolutely silly with only 2 kids. And honestly would probably over-parent the heck out of them. With six kids I can be involved in PTA/PAC, volunteer to help with tournaments and at school functions. Our kids are involved in tons of activities. BUT really, parenting them is a full time job. We could NOT do it if I was not home full time.

[Miss.M]

Thanks again everyone. I am already a stay at home mother so adding another child won`t change my day to day. I don`t have to give up a job - I also already drive a mini van. I think I have really been setting myself up for more than 2 all along. I am struggling mostly because the dynamic of my family is so beautiful and I worry about messing with it. But in my deepest of deeps I feel like someone is missing. And of course my dear friend Jen has such beautiful girls I just can`t help but wish for one myself.

We spoke with our SW yesterday and she had a profile to share; but another boy and our hearts are with a girl this time. And because our hearts are where they are - it looks like 3 is going to be the number - unless of course they find sisters and then we are in a whole other world of fun.

I truly truly appreciate all the input. I hope to be able to share good news on this in the very near future.